The Fishbowl
by DabbleDabble
Summary: The story follows the aftermath of the season 1 finale, as well as Piper/Alex. Piper has finally been pushed to figure out who she is and who she needs to be in order to survive. This is only made worse as prison antics play out, as egos boil over the kitchen, as bonds built on love-hate are tested, and loyalties are swayed...
1. Chapter 1

OITNB: The Fishbowl

WARNING: *Contains slight spoilers, but mostly entertaining speculation*

Her knuckles stung as she stalked back inside, she curled her hands into fists and stuffed them into her jacket pockets. What had she done? The bitter cold night made Pennastucky's warm blood feel almost comforting. A disgusting sensation. Piper kept her head down and headed straight for the shower.  
She could hear the Christmas party in the chapel, their distracted hubbub made her wonder, could she get away with this? With what she had done?

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she stripped off her clothes and stepped into the shower. For the first time in weeks, she let herself cry. Each sob erupted, escaping her lips and taking a small piece of her with it on its way out. Within seconds, sobs rocked her body. She curled up into a ball as the hot water washed over her. Her eyes shot to her bloodied jumpsuit. She thought back to Pennastucky's feeble frame, the ease with which Piper had delivered blow after blow. The way that worm like asshole writhed beneath her, trying to save herself. But something in Piper had broken, and she couldn't bring herself to stop beating Pennastucky. And that scared her. It terrified her.

Was Alex right? Was she just a psychotic narcissist? Alex. She'd lost Alex. Larry was out of the equation now, and Healy had turned his back on her. She could have gotten killed and Healy had turned his fucking back on her.  
She noticed her shallow breathing, she tried to calm herself. Compose herself. Her knuckles stung, but most of the blood had washed away. She examined her hand, they throbbed. After all, she had connected with bone again and again. She felt a twist in her gut, she was going to be sick. She wretched, her salty tears, the bitter taste of vomit creeping up her throat, the intense heat from the shower and the mind numbingly loud isolation she felt, none of them drowned out the ugliness of what she had just done.  
"Chapman...?" The thick New Yorker's accent broke through the thick atmosphere. Piper glanced up at the partially translucent shower curtain, it was Morello. But she wasn't peering in to violate Piper's privacy. She respected it. "You alright? Everyone's asking about where you are."  
Piper cleared her throat, "Thought I'd take a shower while it was empty." Her voice cracked as she spoke.  
"Ok, take your time."  
Piper winced, Morello could tell something was up. But as always, Morello never stepped too far outside her comfort zone. If you did that in prison, you wouldn't last long. Piper listened as Morello's footsteps grew distant. Alone again. Nobody dared be there for her. Maybe she deserved it. Maybe she was a monster. Fuck them all. She didn't need them. None of them. Not Larry, not Healy, not even fucking Alex. No. She'd shut that part of her off completely. This wasn't a fairytale. This was prison.

Alex stifled a yawn as she did sorted the loads of laundry. The Christmas party last night, and by party she meant inmates secretly passing bad wine around, and by Christmas she meant the inmates' disturbing version of the nativity play, had left her with the strangest hang over. She shoved another load in the washer, then wrote a tag and tagged the bag. She still wasn't finished being mad at Piper. The only person she'd felt such an annoyingly unbreakable connection with, but a part of her couldn't help but wonder where Piper had disappeared to last night.  
"We gonna talk about my Christmas present?"  
Alex smirked and looked dryly up at Nicole. She had wandered into the laundry room with a laundry sack slung over her shoulder. Her mess of a hair, and lazy grin always put Alex at ease. Nicole was harmless. But hilarious. Alex had an unspoken sense of respect for her.  
"It was what it was."  
Nicole grinned, "It was pretty satisfying, wasn't it?"  
"Morello still shut her gates to Bostonian heaven?"  
Nicole sighed, "Yep... she's decided he's waiting for her. So she'd have double standards if she was unfaithful to him. I said look morello, it's not unfaithful. It's not cheating if it's with a woman, right?" Alex laughed, she shook her head at Nicole.  
"How're you really doing?" Alex asked the rebellious charmer. Nicole took a deep breath, "I don't know. It sucks, but hey if she's happy...and he treats her right, then good for them, right?"  
Alex nodded, "You're surprisingly noble."  
"It's part of my charm. What's new with you?"  
"Not much. Unless you're referring to the hangover I've got." Alex replied as Nicole handed her the bag of laundry. Alex handed her a tag. Nicole held her gaze a moment too long.  
"C'mon Vause... I'm not the only one who noticed you and Chapman missing last night."  
Alex cocked an eyebrow, "Maybe we had one final fling..."  
"You scoundrel." Nicole feigned offence and heartbreak. Alex smiled at her. "To think, you moved on so fast... it's official then, you and Morello have dreadful taste." Nicole leaned in close, holding Alex's gaze. Alex tried not to roll her eyes, she let Nicole lean in closer.  
"How about an early new year's present?" Alex leant closer, and whispered, "How about you work on your pick up lines?"  
"Oh, sorry." Piper's voice said, Alex pulled away from Nicole, who turned and glanced at their interruption.  
"It's cool. Vause was telling me about your steamy rendezvous last night..."  
Piper looked to Alex, who simply looked straight back at her. Piper's eyes searched hers. She could see it. She had been shut out. Alex didn't even mistakenly look happy to see her. Nicole glanced between the two women.  
"Well, if you two ladies are done with the staring contest, I gotta pay Red a visit. Don't fuck too hard."  
Alex studied Piper, who had a laundry bag slung over her shoulder, her eyes were puffy. Had she been crying? Alex ordered herself to stop it. It wasn't her business. Piper's well being wasn't her priority. She was done letting herself be used.  
Piper didn't say a word. She simply put her bag of laundry down before Alex. Alex instantly noticed the bruised knuckles on Piper's hand. Their eyes locked. Piper didn't speak, she simply lowered her gaze and walked away.  
"You forgot your tag." Alex said, Piper flinched and headed back to the laundry counter and picked up her tag.  
"Thanks." Piper mustered. Alex didn't even acknowledge her. As Piper walked away, Alex glanced at Piper's bruised knuckles.  
Alex emptied Piper's laundry into another machine, she spotted the blood on Piper's uniform. _Fuck. What did you do Pipes?_

Piper walked through the living quarters, and settled onto her bed. She cradled her bruised knuckles. She shut her eyes, exhausted. She wanted a break before what she did to Pennastucky caught up with her. The sound of hubbub made her look up. She noticed several of the women lining up and leaning against her wall. Some whispering others gaping at someone out of sight. Piper shifted slightly, she caught the end of Red's mutter, "She used kids as drug runners. Disgusting."  
Piper sat up, Red glanced at her, "You're about to get a new roommate, Chapman."  
Piper's eyes drifted to the newbie, who walked with a sense of real conviction, she met Piper's gaze head on. She was led in by CO Bennett.  
"This will be your bunk. That's Chapman, she's your room mate, bunkbuddy, whatever you prefer to call her. She'll show you the ropes. Chapman, this is Yvonne Parker."  
"Nice to meet you." Piper mustered. Parker gave her a brisk nod. Parker was middle aged, and frankly, pretty intimidating. From the way she carried herself right down to her ability to silence people with a simple look. Something she had done instantly by shooting one look at Red. Gloria bit back a smirk. Red scowled at Gloria.  
"I'll leave you to it, Chapman. Carry on with your day ladies." He said to the audience they had attracted.

Leanne's shouts drew everyone's attentions, "It's Pennastucky! Quick...!" Bennett hurried after the crazed blonde, who led him outside. The inmates flocked over to the window and peered out. Piper felt paralysed. Too petrified to move. She didn't say a thing.  
"You don't care for what happens here?" Parker asked, curious.  
"What? No, I just... I'm very tired." Parker smirked and headed over to the crowd of inmates peering out at Pennastucky.  
"Shit! Look at her face!" Taystee exclaimed. Piper felt a knowing pair of eyes land on her. She glanced up to see Alex studying her, was that disapproval in Alex's eyes? Piper clenched her jaw and looked away.  
The speaker blared throughout the prison, "ALL INMATES RETURN TO THEIR BUNKS. NOW." The inmates all scattered.  
"It's like they left her out there to die!" Leanne cried out as she was escorted back inside by a different CO. She caught Piper's eye, "it was _her_! IT WAS HER!"  
Piper kept her head down. The CO paid no heed to the accusation, he simply escorted the hysterical inmate back to her bunk. "Back off Leanne..." Poussey warned, on Piper's behalf.  
Nicole scowled at Leanne, "It couldn't have been Chapman, she was with Vause last night."  
Both Alex and Piper locked eyes. Alex shook her head, simmering, she stalked out of the main hall. Piper leapt to her feet and followed. Terrified that her only alibi was about to bail on her.


	2. Chapter 2

OITNB: The Fishbowl

*Far fewer typos in this chapter, my apologies for the first chapter's typos. Too much whiskey, too little proofreading.*

Chapter Two

"Alex...Alex, wait!" Piper struggled to keep up her furious ex-lover, as she stalked into the laundry room. The room was empty. Piper sighed a breath of relief, her eyes returned to Alex, who had stopped, turned and now faced her dead on.  
"What did you do?" Alex demanded. Her bluntness hit Piper like a wall.  
"Healy left me for dead, you wanted nothing to do with me-"  
"Answer the question." Alex ordered. Piper hated how cold Alex was being. She couldn't stand it, let alone face it. She tried to collect her thoughts, but they slid out of her mouth with A careless innocence only she could manage, "She tried to kill me. She followed me outside and attacked me. Healy saw it and walked away... I was in a corner. Alone. She wouldn't back off, she-she just ran at me..." As Piper spoke, her heart pounded against her chest. Alex's expression of disdain hurt her more than she expected it to. But she continued. As if the truth was a poison, she had to get it out of her system, "So I started swinging. And swinging, and then I ... I couldn't stop." Tears stung her eyes.

She was a mess. She couldn't decide if she should be brave or break.  
Alex looked away, she may have been mad at Piper, but she didn't need to watch Piper ache.  
"And you did what, exactly? Left her out in the cold to die?"  
"I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I was doing!" Alex's face clouded over.  
"Shit, Piper."  
"What?" Piper asked, Alex ran her hands through her hair.  
"The blood on your clothes... I _fucking_ cleaned the blood out of your clothes."  
"Thank you." Piper said sincerely. Alex stared at her.  
"'Thank you'?! Piper, I've just made myself a fucking accomplice."  
"When I started working in Laundry, Red gave me some ammonia. She said if I mixed it with liquid detergent, it'd just about remove any thing. I thought I'd try it. Just figured you could have used some clean clothes at least...seeing as you didn't have someone to use or lean on."  
Piper stared at her.  
"Is that what you think I did to you? Used you?"  
"Yes, Piper. That's all you ever fucking do."  
Piper fell silent.  
Alex sighed, she knew Piper hadn't asked her to wash the blood out. She had done that herself.  
"Why do you hate me so much?" Piper managed, her voice was barely above a whisper. Alex's eyes locked with hers.  
"That question doesn't even deserve an answer." Piper ran her hands through her hair. She caught Alex's eye. She could see the absolute disgust on Alex's face.  
"I'm in deep shit, Alex. Believe me. I know."  
"No, Piper, _we're_ in deep shit. _We_. Nicky's telling everyone you were with me last night-"  
"Where did she even get that from?"  
"We were messing around and I was kidding...Urg, shit." Alex paced back and forth.  
Piper couldn't help but wonder aloud, "Where _were_ you last night?"  
"It doesn't matter. Shit. Shit! What if she's dead? Did that even occur to you?! What if you've murdered somebody?"  
Piper fell silent. There it was again, the shallow breaths. Her heart felt like it was drilling itself into her chest. She buried her face in her hands.  
"Shit. Shiiit. SHIT!" Piper exclaimed, as the consequences of her actions finally dawned on her. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Alex looked more than disgusted now.  
"Don't cry. Don't you _fucking_ cry." She spoke firmly enough to imply she was about to punch Piper in the face.  
"What if she's dead?! What kind of a person leaves somebody to freeze to death?"  
"The kind of person who beats them to a pulp first."  
That was _it_. Piper had had enough, "If you truly hate me enough to kick me while I'm down, why don't you just get lost?"  
"You followed _me_ in here."  
"Oh, that's right. Poor Alex. I broke your heart. But you fooling around with Nicky is fine? Is that where you actually went last night?"  
"_What?!_" Alex gaped at Piper, her jaw hung open. She was at a genuine loss for words.  
"You heard me. I'm not a complete moron. I walked in on you two this morning. Urgh, you know what, Alex. Go turn me in. Just fucking do it, Okay?! Because I've had enough of your fucking attitude!"  
Alex bit her tongue as Piper unleashed her pent up frustration.  
"I broke your heart... and what did you do about it...? You started fooling around with Nicky—and that's absolutely fine? That's the moral high ground to take? What is _wrong_ with you?!"  
Her words clung to the air as the two stood in a heavy silence. After a few moments, Alex glanced at her and gave her the slightest nod.  
"Feel better now you got your frustration out of your system?"  
Piper battled the urge to sob. She stared Alex down, and spoke softly, "It wasn't frustration, you cold asshole..." Alex held her gaze, as Piper confessed, "It was heartache."  
Another wave of tears brimmed at the edges of her eyes. She refused to let Alex see her more broken than before.  
"Just... leave me alone. I'm sorry that somehow my shit becomes your shit. I-I'm sorry. We should just stay away from each other." She mumbled and hurried out of the laundry room. Alex watched her go as Piper's words sunk in. She shook her head... this could fuck up their lives more than they already had.  
"Shit."  
Gloria stood by the kitchen's serving counters, she felt proud as her girls served the fellow women. She was running the kitchen well, and in a survival based society, as in the prison, those in charge of the food possessed a level of power and superiority. She understood now why Red loved it so much. She spotted Yvonne Parker, the new inmate, sat alone at a table. Parker stared right through Gloria. Gloria held her stare as long as she could. Parker abruptly stood from the table and walked away. Gloria nudged Norma, "Go see why she isn't eating my food."  
Norma gave Gloria a nod, grabbed a pen and paper.  
"Wait." Gloria instructed. She put a portion of roasted potatoes in some foil, and handed them to Norma.  
"For her." Norma smiled at Gloria. Norma was a gentle soul, and possibly one of the few women who still upheld a strong moral compass in this place. Gloria appreciated that about the voluntary mute.  
Parker sat back down at a table in an isolated corner of the prison's dining room and observed them. All these people, different crimes, different needs, and varying levels of guilt. She could destroy either of these nobodies within seconds if she felt the need. The prison seemed like it was in need of a real leader. A plump hand slid a small foiled ball toward her. Parker's eyes flicked across to her visitor. It was the mute lady who worked in the kitchen. Parker opened the foil. She smirked, then closed the foil again. She glanced over at Gloria, who was watching them like a hawk.  
"Mute, my first meal in this shit hole, will be when I'm running that kitchen."  
She threw the silver balled up food across the hall, it landed in the bin beside Gloria. Gloria clenched her jaw.  
"You can go now." She condescended to the mute.  
Norma stood in a nervous manner. She slid a piece of paper towards Parker and quickly walked away. Parker studied the folded piece of paper. The mute must have written it before Parker clarified where she stood. Parker palmed the paper. She'd read it later. Being curious was a sign of weakness in places like these.  
Alex entered the dining hall, everyone was eating. She spotted Piper, Nicky, Red and Morello sat at a table. She joined them.  
"No lunch today, Vause?"  
"I've lost my appetite." Alex muttered. Piper glanced at her, then carried on forcing her own lunch down her throat.  
"Where were you just now? Chapman's right here." Nicky said mockingly. Piper glared at Nicky.  
"I was being questioned." Piper nearly choked on her lunch. She did not like the sound of that.  
"About Pennastucky?" Morello asked, while chomping down an apple. Red sighed as she glanced at the women eating.  
"Who cares about that bible-basher. I'm starving, girls. I'm _starving_. Gloria's trashy food smells so good. I'm sick of eating those instant noodles."  
"Apologise to Gloria, then eat." Nicky smirked.  
"Over my dead body."  
"Not long now then, eh?" Morello quipped, Nicky laughed, perhaps too hard.  
"Laugh all you want. The tables will turn. I'll get my kitchen back. I just know it."  
"They'll be questioning everyone." Alex explained.  
"Did you tell them you were with me last night?" Piper asked. She couldn't help herself. This was killing her.  
"What do you think, Piper?"  
Red, Morello and Nicky glanced between the two women. Nicky caught on.  
"Wait, wait, wait... you weren't with Vause last night?"  
Piper's eyes widened with alarm.  
"Shit, Vause did you do this to Pennastucky?" Morello asked, more scandalised than concerned.  
"What?! No!"  
"Then where were you last night?" Nicky demanded. Piper looked at Alex.  
"I went looking for Chapman. Because I never learn... Because I made the mistake of giving a fucking damn about her."  
A pang of guilt hit Piper in the stomach.  
"Satisfied, everyone? That's where I was. Now, why don't you ask Piper the same question?"  
Piper stared at Alex. What the hell was Alex doing? Piper glanced around the table, she could trust Nicky, but was unsure about Morello and Red.  
"Oh Vause..." Nicky said, as she realised Alex covered for Piper. "You're softer than I thought."  
"Fuck you, guys." Alex declared as she rose to her feet, "I don't have to explain myself to anyone." She left her food at the table and walked away. Red hungrily eyed her food. Nicky and Morello turned their eyes to Piper.  
"Spill... did you kill Jesus 2.0?"  
"Could you speak quietly?" Piper asked, paranoid. A scuffle from nearby drew everybody's attention. Piper glanced up to see Bennett stop Alex in her tracks.  
"You're off to SHU, inmate."  
Alex didn't even put up a fight. Piper leapt to her feet, furious at Bennett.  
"Why? What did she do?"  
"None of your business, Chapman."  
Piper followed him as he marched Alex out. Once in the corridor, Piper stood in his way.  
"Don't bother, Piper." Piper ignored her.  
"This isn't fair. You can't do this without a reason-"  
Bennett groaned, he knew Chapman was persistent and annoying. "Look, during questioning she implied she was engaging in sexual acts with you, hence proving nor she or you are plausible suspects in the assault that is being investigated. However your alibi is a direct violation of protocol. Now, stand down inmate!"  
Piper stared at Bennett, powerless as he led Alex away. Piper returned to the table. Nicky applauded her, "Good job, Chapman. You're like a bad omen, you know?"  
Red subtly shifted Alex's tray toward herself.  
"It's not fair. I have to get her out of there." Piper said. Red spoke between covert eating, "Know what else...is a violation...of protocol? Impregnating an inmate when ... you're a CO."  
Red gave Piper a wink. Nicky's eyes widened as did Morello's.  
"No!" Morello exclaimed, "who?"  
"Daya."  
"Shit...!" Nicky said, "Everything's coming out now, isn't it?"  
"Thanks Red. I appreciate it." Piper said, understanding she now had leverage against Bennett.  
Alex slumped to the ground in her new cell in SHU. She took off her glasses and gave them a clean, rubbing the lenses against her shirt. She probably should have eaten, she noted. Her eyes drifted to the walls around her. Each wall had count downs scratched into it. She scoffed as she recalled the beautiful beaches she had spent her youth on, and then eyed up this luxury shit hole she was in now. One thing was becoming very clear to her, she needed to fall out of love with Piper.  
That night the inmates all settled into their bunk areas for the evening rounds. Red sat on her bed, fantasising about the food she would someday cook. The way the juices would drip from each steaming hot meal. It would be magnificent.  
A knock on the wall made her look up. It was Gloria.  
"I need your help to protect the kitchen. Protect our girls."  
"Parker?" Red asked.  
Gloria nodded.  
"Bring me a meal then we'll talk."  
"Deal." Gloria left Red to it. Red felt a small smile tug at the corner of her mouth.  
Piper was curled up on Alex's bunk. Nicky entered the area, "That's cute. Feeling guilty?"  
Piper gave her a hard look. Nicky threw her a charming grin.  
"C'mon, Chapman. I'm just playing with ya. Sucks for Vause though."  
"Yeah." Piper managed, sadly.  
Nicky slumped onto the bed with no mattress beside Piper.  
"Oof, I forgot she still didn't have a mattress. You know when you first got here?" Piper nodded, Nicky continued, "For giving you some bread when you were being starved out, Red starved out Vause for three whole days. That's one short of your body shutting down and essentially killing itself. Gotta hand it to Vause, she's got balls."  
Piper felt tears sting her eyes. She felt angry and guilty. And really fucking tired.  
"I feel bad already Nicky, so just stop. Please."  
Nicky fell quiet. After a beat, Piper mustered, "What happened between you and Alex?"  
Nicky shrugged, "Don't play dumb, Chapman. I don't mean a thing to Vause." Nicky levelled her with a gentle look, "You got Vause by the heart. Though she probably deserves better, if you don't mind me saying."  
"She's no saint, Nicky."  
"I know. She aint as strong as she looks either."  
"I know." Piper managed, finally, a single tear managed to escape and roll down her cheek.  
"Don't go soft on me, Chapman."  
"I might have _killed_ Pennastucky."  
"Oh no, what if they send you to prison...oh wait." Nicky quipped.  
The alarm bells rang once, indicating the living quarters' doors had been unlocked. Nicky glanced at Piper, the two stood up along with the other inmates to see two COs, marching a bandaged Pennastucky back into the quarters. Piper gaped speechlessly. Nicky laughed, "What is this? The greatest day, _ever._"  
Pennastucky scanned the room of inmates, her eyes landed on Piper's.  
"Shit." Piper whispered. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_ Flashback_

_Alex stirred awake, she was tired. Albeit from the best night she'd had in a while. She glanced at the blonde who lay beside her. Piper Chapman. A slight smile tugged at Alex's lips. Chapman was unaware of how devastatingly adorable she was. Alex studied the sleeping beauty, she caressed her cheek. Piper leant in to her touch. Alex pulled her hand away. A slight pang of guilt in her gut. She had played Piper like a harp._

_ Alex had charm and it always got her what she wanted. She had the god-given talent of figuring people out and understanding what made them tick. Waking up beside Piper was her intention from the moment she set eyes on the naive blonde in the bar. She just hadn't expected to feel so alive with her. But old habits die hard, and just like clockwork her eyes shot to the door. The same way they always did after a one night stand. She slowly climbed out of the bed, doing her best not to wake Piper. She pulled her clothes on, but couldn't help but glance back at Piper. Fully dressed, she headed toward the door. Few things felt as good as sneaking out after a one night stand, in Alex's books. Today felt different. And she couldn't peg why.  
"Mmm..." Piper murmured, stirring from her slumber. Alex's finger tips grazed the door handle. For the first time, being in the same place with somebody else made perfect sense. It felt out of sync to go anywhere else. Alex turned and looked at Piper Chapman, taking in the sight of the first person to truly capture her heart. As her feet led her back towards the bed, Alex silently sat on the edge of the luxurious mattress. She ran a hand along Piper's bare shoulder. Piper groggily awoke.  
"...Morning..." Piper muttered, equally exhausted from the night they had spent entangled in each other. Piper pulled the duvet up around her. She was effortlessly graceful. Soft. Alex couldn't help but gaze at her. No hesitation, no concern about coming across like a maniac. She let her eyes rest on Piper.  
"That... was a good night." Piper declared gently.  
"It was." Alex said in a low voice, making no secret of being lost in thought.  
Piper frowned, "You going someplace?"  
"To buy us some breakfast. How do pancakes sound?"  
"Amazing. They sound amazing."  
Alex headed for the door, her new objective was to bring pancakes.  
"Hey, if you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?" Alex asked.  
"Right here with you." Piper said.  
That was all Alex needed to hear.  
"I'll bring some maple syrup too." Alex said, as she pulled the door open.  
Piper raised an eyebrow.  
"For the pancakes!" Alex laughed, as she shut the door. Piper stifled a yawn, and clung to the duvet. An easy smile sat on her face. She felt at such ease with a stranger she'd only known for one night. She knew it wasn't smart, but she also knew she'd never felt more at peace in life, than she felt right now. With Alex  
_

Parker lay on her bunk, she unfolded the note from the mute, 'Welcome to Litchfield '. Parker screwed up the note and tossed it aside. It was a sweet gesture, but sweet gestures only mattered to people who were soft enough to care. And the one thing Parker wasn't, was soft.  
"I hear you're after the kitchen." A thick Russian accent spoke. Parker sat up and peered at the short, medium built, woman with short red hair.  
"I can help you get it."  
"Why would you do that?" Parker asked.  
"Let's just say, I have a score to settle with Gloria." Red said with a sinister smirk, "But you must do exactly as I say. One misstep and you're finished."  
"You don't scare me." Parker said.  
Red held her gaze, "It wasn't a threat. It was a heads up."  
"I don't need your help." Parker said, looking down her nose at Red.  
"Oh, you will. And when you do, you know where to find me."  
With that, Red walked off. Parker watched her go.  
Morello put the phone down. She walked silently back to her bunk, absent-mindedly brushing past fellow inmates as she moved. She sat on the bed as the news sunk in. It felt like something inside her had broken. Something that couldn't be fixed... Her eyes scanned the hoards of inmates. She fought back tears, and drew her knees upto her chin. She sat utterly still.  
Piper snuck into her room, Morello didn't even notice her. Piper peered over the edge of Morello's wall, and out at Pennastucky who was laughing and joking with Leanne and the others in her group. Her face was bandaged, and her eye bright purple and puffy. Piper's handiwork. Now and then, Pennastucky would cast a glance in Piper's direction, and then continue talking to her groupies.  
What did it mean?  
"Oh my god. She's going to kill me. I am going to die." Piper said aloud, accepting the defeat. She noticed Morello hadn't moved, let alone spoken.  
"Morello?"  
"He gave up on me." Morello managed, after a beat. Her voice was softer than Piper was used to. Piper felt a pang of sympathy toward the New Yorker.  
"I'm sorry, Lorna."  
Tears slid down Morello's cheeks.  
"He's been fucking my best friend." Morello said, "My _best_ friend. Why aren't people loyal anymore Chapman? Why doesn't it _mean_ any thing...It should MEAN something." Her voice shook. Piper pulled Morello into a comforting embrace. Morello caved in, letting her sobs erupt. Piper held her firmly. She did her best to help, and in typical fashion, failed.  
"You _did_ have sex with Nicky..."  
Morello stopped sobbing abruptly. Piper's eyes widened with nerves, "But how _dare _he?!" She then uttered the one thing she had learnt in prison, "it doesn't count if it's with another woman. Right? What he did? That's messed up."  
"I know, right?!" She returned to sobbing in Piper's arms. Piper spotted Caputo. There was only one thing on her mind, helping Alex.  
_Alex._  
"Morello, I have to go, but I'll be back in ten minutes, okay?"  
Morello sniffled and nodded.  
"Just... here." Piper handed her a box of tissues that sat nearby, "use those. Don't do anything stupid. Fuck it, we're in prison. Don't kill yourself. Okay?" Morello didn't respond, Piper spoke loudly, "OKAY?"  
Morello nodded, "go, go. I'll still be here when you get back." A sudden burst of tragedy swept her up, "Crying like the fool I am!" She sobbed.  
Piper gave her an odd but mildly alarmed look, and crept past Pennastucky's room and towards Caputo.  
"Psst...!" She managed to whisper. Caputo stopped mid conversation with a CO and glanced at her. She whispered again, but urgently this time, "psst!"  
Caputo caught her eye, she gave him a nod, then walked out of the main hall and into the lobby. Caputo followed, curious and concerned.  
"What is it, Chapman?"  
"I have a proposition for you."  
Caputo studied her, "What kind of proposition?" He enquired.  
"The kind that benefits us both." Piper answered.

Parker stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself up in a towel. As she headed over to the mirrors, she couldn't help but notice the number of women in the shower. They were all from the Spanish gang that existed in the prison. More of a group than a gang, but still a group who stuck together. It gave her the impression something wasn't quite right. She kept her wits about her. One brunette, with a tear drop tattoo beneath her left eye shoved past Parker. Then another shoved past her. Parker almost lost her footing. A third woman swung at her, but Parker blocked it then punched her hard in the face.  
"Tell Gloria it'll take more than this to scare me off." Parker ordered. The women threw her a dirty look, then helped their fallen inmate to her feet and escorted her out of the bathroom.  
Parker stood alone in the bathroom. The experience hadn't spooked her, but it had made her realise that in this place, it's not about how ruthless you are, it's about who you know. She would find the Russian and make a deal.

Two days had passed since Piper's talk with Caputo. And there was still no sign of Alex. Piper had spent the two days watching over Morello. Morello had barely eaten, and refused to see Nicky or even speak to anyone. They'd sat in silence for what felt like endless hours.  
Nicky appeared in Piper's room. Piper didn't even have to wait for Nicky to speak, she knew what was coming. So she pre-empted it.  
"She doesn't want to see you Nicky. I can't make her change her mind. I've tried to reason with her. But she's just... she's in the middle of agony right now."  
Nicky sighed, "I don't like that she's hurting, Chapman."  
"I know. Give her some time." Piper advised.  
"No sign of Vause yet?"  
"Nope." Piper said, sadly.  
Pennastucky entered Piper's room, Nicky glanced at Piper, who threw her a panicked look.  
Pennastucky cornered Piper, and held her gaze. She then extended a hand. Piper stared at her, astounded.  
"Call it a truce for now, blondie." Pennastcuky's annoying voice was still just as annoying, despite the broken pride and bruised face.  
Piper glanced at Nicky, who gave her a look. Piper gulped and shook Pennastucky's hand.  
"Because... once I'm better. I'm gonna hit you stronger, faster and harder..."  
"Easy kanye..." Nicky quipped. Pennastucky through Nicky a disgusted look. Then turned and walked out.  
"Don't forget to change your bandages, Frankenstein." Nicky called after her. Piper elbowed Nicky.  
"Can you just stop?" Piper demanded.  
Nicky was distracted by somebody else, "No way...!" Nicky exclaimed as she leapt to her feet and hurried out of Piper's room. Piper followed Nicky out of the room, "No fucking way, Vause!" Nicky hugged Alex. Alex hugged her back. The sensation of another person against her was comforting. Piper stepped forward and smiled at Alex warmly. Alex stared right past her and went over to Tastyee, Red and Poussey.  
Nicky cringed for Piper. Piper stood dumbfounded.  
"Welcome back kiddo," Red said, giving Alex a firm hug and a pat on the back.  
A moment later, Daya's furious footsteps approached. She shoved Piper into the wall, "Do you realise what the fuck you've done?!" Daya cried at Piper. "They're gonna transfer him!"  
Piper looked to Alex for help, but Alex didn't move. Nicky helped Piper to her feet, but Daya shoved her again. Much to everyone's surprise, Parker stepped up and shoved Daya aside.  
"Wait!" Piper exclaimed, after all Daya was pregnant. There was more than just Daya's life at risk in a prison scuffle.  
"Back off've Chapman." Parker ordered. Piper stared on in a stunned silence. Daya glared at Piper.  
"I hope you get what's coming to you, you selfish bitch." With that Daya stormed off. Diaz, Daya's mother threw Piper a disapproving look.  
Piper turned back to look at Alex, but Alex wasn't there. She had simply turned around and walked away.  
"Meet Parker," Red said to Piper and Nicky, "Consider her the hired muscle for my favourites."  
"A bodyguard? You're the best mom ever." Nicky smirked. "Red, do me a favour, check in on Morello for me...?"  
"No time, kid. Me and Parker got a kitchen to reclaim."  
Parker and Red walked away. Nicky sighed. She cared for Morello, moreso than she'd allowed herself to care about any one. Now Morello was hurting, and Nicky couldn't check in on her.  
Gloria walked across the lush green prison yard, "well?" She asked Red, without looking at her.  
Red kept her eyes trained on the outside world through the fence. On the endless fields.  
"Parker is in my pocket."  
"What do we do next?"  
"I need some time."  
"For what?" Gloria persisted.  
"Somebody is supplying my girls with drugs."  
"They're 'our' girls now, Red. How can I help?"  
"Keep an ear to the ground. No doubt Parker will sniff them out."  
"Can we trust Parker?"  
Red scoffed, "Absolutely not. But we can nail two birds with one chalk."  
"Stone." Gloria corrected.  
"chalk." Red repeated.  
"You aren't making sense." Gloria grumbled, finding herself fed up of Red's roundabout hints.  
"I don't need to make sense just yet. But you'll see. And when it happens, our girls will be safe. And the kitchen will be mine."  
"Ours."  
Red gave a stubborn sigh, "Ours." Gloria smirked to herself. Smug.  
Alex settled onto the bed beside Morello.  
"I'm sorry, Morello." She managed. Morello nodded. She glanced at Alex, "How was SHU?"  
"It was...lonely." Alex said with a shrug, "mind-numbingly odd. Felt like a really bad nightmare. Sometimes reality feels too real, you know? You start to wonder how it all led to this point."  
Morello nodded, "I know exactly what you mean."  
"I'm sorry he broke your heart."  
"Me too." Morello mustered.  
Alex managed a bitter smile.  
"Life's too short. You're better off alone, with the odd fling to keep you satisfied. No strings, nothing. Just two adults, comforting each other, then moving on. Find a vice, enjoy it, explore it, then let it go. That's my theory."  
Morello's eyes met Alex's.  
"At least it used to be, until I met Chapman." Alex said with an air of defeat.  
"Think I was right the first time round. Don't give them your heart to break, Morello. Because if they can, chances are they will."  
"No strings attached flings, eh?" morello said aloud, as if she was exploring the option.  
"Those are the most words you've said over the past few days, or so I've been told."  
Morello sighed, "We all have needs, Vause. I needed to just... unplug."  
"Amen to that, Morello."  
Morello slowly slipped her fingers into Alex's. Alex glanced at her. Morello wore a slight smile on her lips.  
Alex tried not to roll her eyes at how fickle the concept of loyalty seemed in this place.  
"What about Nicky?" Alex said.  
"What about Chapman?" Morello answered.  
Alex cocked an eyebrow at her.  
"I'm working on falling out of love with that one."  
"I appreciate your honesty." Morello answered. Alex pulled her hand away from Morello's.  
"Nicky will kill me if we do this." Alex she explained.  
"Nicky's an idiot, she doesn't know the first thing about being an adult. Besides, are you gonna chicken out after that big speech? I say fuck my ex. Fuck the world. Chapman and Nicky don't need to know. Ever. Let's go."  
Alex studied Morello, she had the expression of a woman who had made up her mind. Morello led Alex by the hand out of her room and down the corridor. Alex was still reluctant.  
"You better get me drunk first." Alex said, only half-kidding. Morello grinned, "I have some rum hidden in the laundry room... And what I have in mind, is something you aren't expecting. Escape with me... come on." Alex sighed, curiosity had always gotten the better of her.  
The women headed into the laundry room. Morello playfully reached around the back of a machine, and pulled out a clear, small packet filled with white powder. Alex stopped in her steps.  
"A line each, come on."  
Alex studied Morello, considering the offer.  
"What's the worst that can happen, right?" She asked, letting herself embrace the dangerous rebel she once was. Perhaps the only way to fall out of love was to fall into other things and lose yourself entirely.  
Morello poured the powder onto a counter top, and used a piece of card to make lines. She did a line. Her eyes slammed shut, as it kicked in. Just watching Morello get a kick was all Alex needed. She felt the urge too. Abandoning all reason, she did a line too. The hit was instant. A sudden lack of emotion teased her head and her heart. The loose fitting sense of freedom, which for once wasn't restricting her. She felt like she was adrift. Entirely engrossed, entirely unattached, and entirely high. She didn't need Piper. She didn't need anything. The kick alone was good enough for her. How she'd missed it. The thrill, the rush, the excitement. How vivid everything her senses detected felt.  
She shut her eyes and lay down beside Morello who was gaping at the ceiling.  
"You see the spaceships? I like space ships." Morello said.  
She reached for Alex's hand. Alex pulled her hand away and instead reached out at the light on the ceiling, from her spot on the floor.  
"I feel like I'm floating. Are you floating?"  
"I like space ships." Morello replied.  
"Floating spaceships?" Alex asked.  
The two had begun a dangerous affair with the illicit substance.  
"Where did you get this stuff, Morello? It's good stuff."  
"I got... from places. Things."  
Alex let a small giggle escape her lips. Morello was no longer sober.  
"What was the worst thing about SHU?"  
"The worst thing, was how loud reality is. The reality of where I've ended up. And how I got here."  
"I've never been to SHU."  
"It can break you. It didn't break me, but I can see how it can destroy people."  
"Did you face your demons and all that?"  
"No such luck. My demon got me out of there. And is waiting for me in prison."  
"Fuck."  
"Yep." Alex sat up, "How about some of that rum?"  
"That's too dangerous."  
"Ok, then you just watch, and be a chicken shit. And i'll have some." Alex said with a mischievous smile. Morello chuckled and lay back down.  
Alex and Morello laughed hard as they stumbled back into Morello's room. They both sobered up upon seeing Piper and Nicky waiting in Morello's room.  
"What's going on here?" Nicky asked.  
"What're you, stalking us now?" Morello asked. Nicky glared at her.  
"We were fucking worried about you, Morello." Nicky eyed Alex, "Wait a second, are you two _fucking _high?! That's it Morello. You're coming with me." Nicky took Morello by the hand and led her out of the room, despite Morello's protests.  
Piper stared at Alex.  
"Is she right? Are you high right now?"  
Alex sighed, "Who knew Nicky could be such a buzzkill?" Alex avoided Piper's eyes. Piper stepped closer, determined to break through.  
"Look at me. Alex, look at me. I know you can be reckless, but you aren't this stupid, are you?" Alex glared at her.  
"Back off, Piper."  
Alex tried to walk past her, Piper grabbed her by the arm and studied her. Alex watched as Piper's expression turned from concern to dismay.  
"You're better than this. Don't become a fucking junkie in here, please."  
"Leave me alone." Alex ordered, unable to look into Piper's eyes. Piper reached for her but Alex stepped back.  
"_Please_, just leave me the fuck alone." Alex said clearly.  
Piper nodded, confused and hurt but ready to accept that this was what Alex wanted. Piper gave Alex one last look, "You want me to stay away from you... consider it done. Because you are _not_ the Alex I risked my ass to get out of SHU. You are _not_ the Alex I fell for."  
"They call it falling for someone, Chapman, because it sucks."  
"Fuck you." Piper managed, she seethed with frustration.  
"Fuck you too." Alex declared. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Nicky shoved a fully clothed Morello into the shower.  
"It's freezing!" Morello shrieked, Nicky pinned her in the shower against the wall.  
"Yeah it's like a slap in the fucking face, isn't it?!"  
Morello struggled against Nicky, "Get off me! What're you doing?!" Morello demanded. Nicky held Morello beneath the icy cold shower against her will.  
"So he broke your fucking heart, grow up. You're better than this! You're worth more." Nicky said, furious. Morello stopped struggling, Nicky released her. Morello stared at Nicky, who looked furious.  
"You aint a broken down, messed up junkie like me, Morello. You're fucking better than that, and we both know it."  
"It's not your place to tell me how to be." Morello said.  
"No. But I'll tell you this, you do drugs once more? I will be finished with you. And I'm not talking the week break we take from each other now and then. I mean finished. Pure and simple."  
Nicky walked away. Morello felt a pang of shame creep through her. The disappointment in Nicky's face was something she'd never forget. Nicky had her on a pedestal all these weeks, and Morello had taken it for granted. She wrote it off as some high school crush. But it was more than that. Somehow, during their clumsy fumbles, Nicky had actually started to care for Morello. Truly care. That was a hard thing to come by in these parts. Morello hung her head and leant against the cold shower wall. The hard tiles sent a shiver down her spine as they soaked through her shirt. Nicky didn't realise that Morello would never be able to love someone, not the way she had loved him.  
"Hey, hey, bride of chucky, wake up..." the annoying voice made Alex's hang over feel all the more worse. Alex groaned and rolled over to greet her visitor. Upon seeing it was Pennastucky and Leanne, Alex sat up. Cautious.  
"what the fuck do you want?"  
"I wanted to give you something. A peace offering, for while I heal up..."  
"What?" Alex asked, confused.  
"Well, I'm in no state to fight you and your girlfriend right now. So the Christian thing to do is to offer peace. I'm turning the other cheek for you."  
"...Right." Alex said, unconvinced.  
"Voila..." Pennastucky announced. Nobody moved. Nothing changed. Pennastucky threw Leanne a look, Leanne hurried out of the room then returned with a new prison mattress under her arm.  
"For you. May you sleep well. And may the lord save your soul. What's that stench?"  
Alex took the mattress from Leanne, "Rum. You ever tried it? Sweet and smooth. How I like my women." She said, intentionally making Pennastucky uncomfortable.  
"Well, inmate, Jesus drank wine. So we can't be all that different."  
Alex forced a smile, but made no attempt to hide her bafflement, "okay."  
"Peace out." With that, the scrawny little woman stalked out of Alex's room. Alex let an incredulous laugh leave her lips.  
That was strange.  
Alex cleared her throat and stretched. The hangover wasn't so bad, it was the dullness of reality that bothered her. She wondered if she should sneak another bump. Morello would never know. She'd only take the smallest amount.  
_Stop it. What the hell is wrong with you?_ She shook off the thoughts. She knew where thoughts like that led, and it wasn't someplace she planned on revisiting. At least she didn't think it was.  
She groaned, she needed some aspirin, but then she had a better idea. Her eyes landed on the rum.  
Bennett paced in the yard while Daya leant against the fence. Diaz shook her head at Bennett, "She says it's Mendez's, then what happens?"  
"He'll demand a DNA test, proving it isn't his."  
"Maybe we should let him think it is his, just until we figure out what to do..."  
Bennett and Diaz stared at Daya.  
"No, absolutely not!" Bennett exclaimed, "that man isn't going anywhere near my child—"  
"You won't be either if this plays out any other way for now!" Diaz ordered, "Daya's right. It's our only option right now."  
"Jesus Christ." Bennett muttered, he stared at Daya, furious. But more furious with himself than with her. How could he have been so stupid to let things get to this point? He ran his hands over his face, "ok." He said then exhaled deeply, "Okay. Then that's what we'll do. We can't put off medical checkups much longer."  
"That Chapman," Diaz fumed, "Why I oughta..."  
"No. You oughta nothing." Bennett said, "do you understand me? The last thing me and Daya need is more chaos on the inside. Just leave it. Piper's problem was with Healy anyway, not me. I just got unlucky because I signed off Vause's stay in SHU."  
Healy glanced from Fig to Caputo, "I'm sorry, as far as I can tell..." he said, in a gentle manner, "it's an inmate's word against mine. And I'm telling you I don't know what Chapman's talking about. May I also remind you I have no criminal record? Who's the more reliable source?"  
Caputo sighed, "Look, Healy... you have to understand, if Chapman takes this higher...above our heads? You're in deep shit. She hasn't gone on the record officially yet. So you've got time to turn this around."  
"That felonious lesbian inmate has caused nothing but trouble since she got here."  
"WOAH-WOAH." Fig interjected, "I _KNOW_ you aren't stupid enough to make homophobic remarks right now, when your ass is on the line of fire. Because I'd have no choice but to fire you on the spot if we suspected..." she held his gaze, "that you held such discriminatory views."  
"I understand," Healy said. He did his best to swallow his pride.  
"Was Pennastucky out there? Yes. Was Chapman out there? Yes. When I was there, nothing untoward was happening."  
"But you confirm that Chapman was out there?" Caputo asked.  
Fig cut in again, "Answer carefully, Healy. Because if you confirm it, we have no choice but to investigate her version of events, and whoever she names, thoroughly. Including yourself."  
Healy sighed, "No. It might have been someone else..."  
Fig stared at him, hard.  
"Or no one. I saw Pennastucky alone that night. Then I left her to it."  
"That's more like it." Fig said with a self satisfied smile. She patted Caputo on the back and exited the office. Caputo let out a sigh of relief, he turned to Healy.  
"Jesus Christ, that woman will be the end of us. Healy, stay away from Chapman. For your own sake. Despite your extremely homophobic views, you seem like a nice enough guy. And you do your paperwork. That's an important thing to me. I wanna keep you on the payroll."  
Healy nodded, "I got it. Head down. No trouble."  
"Exactly." Caputo said, relief washing over him. Healy looked at him, somewhat tired from always getting crushed by his bosses.  
"Must be nice to feel relief." Healy said as he walked out of the office. Caputo watched Healy go. He knew Healy was an odd one, but Healy had never done much wrong while on his payroll. He appreciated that.  
The alarm buzzed. Alex walked into the visiting hall. She smiled at the gorgeous brunette who was waiting at one of the tables for her.  
"Hey trouble." Luka spoke softly, she pecked Alex on the cheek. Alex smiled at her ex.  
"What brings you to these parts?" Alex asked.  
"You sounded... different on the phone. I wanted to make sure you were okay."  
"I'm in prison, Luka. What do you think?"  
Luka studied Alex, "you know what I mean." Luka paused, she flared her nostrils. Alex knew she smelt the rum, but didn't say anything.  
As the inmates greeted their visitors, for once Piper found herself outside the visiting hall peering in through the mirror at the inmates who the outside world still cared about. There was no sign of Larry, or even Polly, let alone her mother. Her eyes landed on Alex and a woman Piper recognised but couldn't quite place. Piper watched the woman lean across the table and kiss Alex, slowly.  
Piper's jaw hung open. She clenched her fists and stared at Alex through the window. Alex glanced in Piper's direction and then pretended not to notice her, adding fuel to Piper's rage._ That. Is. It._ Piper decided. As the inmates returned to the prison, Piper stepped in Alex's way.  
"Real mature, Chapman."  
"Chapman? I'm Chapman to you now?" Piper said, pissed. Alex wasn't going to deny it, she enjoyed that she had gotten a rise out of Piper. Alex brushed past her and headed down the corridor.  
"Where're you going? Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" Piper ordered. Alex scoffed as she kept on walking.  
"You're not the boss of me, Pipes. I have work to do." Piper seemed to grow more furious with each exchange.  
"Wow, you're fobbing me off to sort laundry?!"  
"No shit Sherlock." Alex muttered, dryly.  
Piper had barely even realised that they were in the laundry room now, she was too preoccupied with the rage boiling over in her gut.  
"Drugs Alex! I mean _really_?!" Piper ranted.  
"Shut the door behind you." Alex said, if she was phased by Piper's fury she certainly didn't show it. Piper shut the door while still ranting, and for the briefest moment Alex hated herself for finding it endearing.  
"Haven't drugs messed up both our lives enough?!"  
"Clearly not." Alex retorted as she grabbed a bag of clean laundry. Piper snatched the laundry bag from her hand and tossed it aside, stepping closer, making sure Alex couldn't ignore her wrath.  
"I can smell the rum on you—and then you're kissing that...that woman?! Why are you trying _so_ hard to hurt me?"  
"You've just stood there and made every choice _I_ made this past few days about you. Stop being so self-absorbed."  
"Self-absorbed? Alex, I'm the reason you got out of SHU early!"  
"You're also the reason I got sent to SHU."  
"Sit up there on your high horse, but understand _this_. I told you I _love_ you."  
That was it. Alex only had one button, and Piper had pushed it. Alex stepped closer, furious, locking her eyes on Piper's.  
"Yeah, you told me you loved me, then followed it with you _fucking_ _hate_ me. Then you chose Larry. _Larry._ Not me. So FUCK YOU!" Alex shoved Piper, Piper stumbled backwards.  
"You just crossed a line." Piper warned, making her fury no secret.  
"I told you I _love_ _you. _I will _never_ make that mistake again."  
"I don't care." Alex lied, just as stubborn as Piper.  
"If you didn't care, you wouldn't be trying so hard to get a rise out of me. Fuck you, Alex. No, really... fuck you."  
With one final look of utter disgust, Piper walked away.  
"We've already played that game, haven't we Pipes?" Alex called after her. It hit Piper right in the pride, Piper spun on her heels and ran toward Alex.  
"Oh...shit." Alex managed just as Piper knocked them both to the ground. A pile of clean clothes broke their fall. Piper sat atop Alex and pinned her down.  
"What're you gonna do, Piper? Beat me to a pulp, like you did to Pennastucky?"  
Piper's rage broke clean into a devastated look. A loud silence clung to the air. Piper's eyes gazed down at Alex. It was as if finding herself on the verge of harming Alex had made her realise some thing. She was heartbroken. She climbed to her feet. Alex's heart began to race. Suddenly she needed Piper to hit her.  
"Piper..."  
"You've never said it back." Piper spoke, the words gently fell from her lips. As if the revelations were merely breaths.  
"Piper..." Alex managed, she felt a knot in her stomach.  
Piper backed away from Alex, ashamed and wounded.  
"You've had so many chances, but all you managed was an 'I heart you'." She let a sad laugh slip out.  
"Piper wait," Alex said softly.  
"You wanted to get even right?" Alex shook her head, but Piper continued, "Break my heart...? Well this is it, Alex."  
A stillness consumed Piper as she said the last three words, "You did it. It's finally broken."  
Piper seemed lost as she pressed her back against the wall and slowly lowered herself to the ground. She buried her face in her hands as sobs wracked her body. Alex felt tears sting her eyes as she forced herself to look at the mess they had both created.  
"Piper..." Alex said softly.  
"Get out." Piper said, unable to take it.  
Alex crouched opposite her, and gently touched her hands. Piper pulled them away, "please, just get out."  
"No." Alex declared. She joined Piper shoulder to shoulder on the floor of the laundry room, and put an arm around her. Piper didn't resist as Alex pulled her close. Comfort was comfort. Alex planted a solemn kiss on Piper's head, as Piper sobbed in her arms. 


	5. Chapter 5

*A quick note just to say thank you for all the reviews guys. It makes writing this all the more fun and worthwhile. Hope you enjoy this chapter.*

Chapter Five

The inmates in the dining hall began grimacing as they consumed their meals. Parker held back a smile.  
"This is rancid!" Nicky cried out from her table. Parker caught Red's eye, Red gave her an impressed nod. Parker had snuck into the kitchen while everyone slept and switched up the ingredients. The salt was sugar, the coriander was thyme, and so on, so forth.

Gloria did her best to remain stood in her spot, watching over the inmates eating her work. She steeled herself, clenching her jaw, not giving off any signs of humiliation. Her eyes landed on Parker. She knew Parker was behind this. Simply because Parker was the only one who hadn't taken a bite of her food, and instead was smugly watching over everyone else. An inmate got up and hurled her food in the trashcan beside Gloria. Gloria remained unshaken. Red approached, her tray in her hands. Just like the previous inmate, Red also tipped her food into the bin.  
"Parker?" Gloria asked, barely moving.  
"Mmmhm." Red answered, confirming her suspicions.  
"Meet me in the yard." Red said. Gloria nodded.  
Red turned and walked away.  
Alex tried not to gag, "that's disgusting." She said, putting her food back down.  
"It's prison." Piper said, "what do you expect?" She took a bite of her sandwich, then looked equally traumatised. Alex chuckled as Piper spat her food out into a tissue.  
"You were saying?" Alex asked. Piper gave her a look. They could banter all they wanted, but both of them knew there was a big problem between them. What they had was great but it was flawed. Alex looked down, "Pipes... there's something I wanna say to you." Alex tried, Piper could tell Alex was struggling.  
"Don't, Alex. I didn't mean to pressure you. I just hadn't realised before. Forget it. Don't say it unless you're ready to."  
Alex opened her mouth to object, but Piper cut her off, "I mean it. Besides, love is for sissies. We're in prison." She broadened her shoulders and leant back in her chair, doing her best thug impression. Alex laughed, she slipped her hand into Piper's. Piper met her gaze. The two exchanged a small smile. Piper pulled her hand away. The two glanced at Morello, who was distracted by the sight of Nicky sitting at a table alone.  
"Why won't she sit with us?" Morello asked aloud.  
"It's not us she's avoiding, it's just you." Alex said, Piper kicked Alex under the table. The brunette's honesty was a bit too much to take some times. Morello shot Alex daggers.  
"We both took the drugs."  
"Yeah, but I'm not the one she cares about." Alex explained.  
"Besides, how did you get them in here?" Alex continued. Piper looked uncomfortable.  
Morello had a glint in her eyes, she put a finger above her lip. _Pornstache_.  
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." Alex confessed.  
"Why so quiet Chapman?" Morello asked. Piper looked from Alex to Morello. Morello's eyes were still trained on Nicky. Piper gave a shrug, she could feel Alex's eyes on her.  
"I just... I don't think it's wise."  
Alex scoffed, "sure didn't bother you in Mexico."  
"We weren't in prison then." Piper said bluntly. Alex cocked an eyebrow at Morello.  
"It's only there for when I hit rock bottom. I like to know I have the option, you know?" Morello admitted, "Help yourself to it Vause, we all have needs."  
Piper looked at Alex, Alex smiled, "thanks Morello. That's the sweetest thing anyone has offered me in prison."  
Piper shook her head in disbelief. Morello's eyes were on Nicky. She sighed, then asked, "Should I go over there?"  
"Leave her to it." Alex said, "When she's over it, she'll seek you out. You can't force a person to change."  
Morello looked uneasy, "what if she doesn't seek me out?"  
"You should have thought that through before acting like teenagers then." Piper piped up.  
Alex and Morello stared at Piper. Piper shrugged, "it was a dumb thing to do. And you both know it."  
"Don't judge us." Alex said defensively with a slight frown on her face. Piper raised an eyebrow at Morello and Alex.  
"Very well then. You're both adults, you've chosen your sides. I shall choose mine." Piper stood up, and picked up her tray.  
"Piper, come on..." Alex exclaimed.  
Enjoy your little junkie club." Piper said, only half kidding.  
Piper walked over to Nicky and joined her at the table. Alex had an incredulous look on her face, as did Morello.  
"What just happened?" Alex asked. Morello just shrugged. Dumbfounded.  
"I think we just got out-gamed. By the softer ones." Morello managed.  
"How well is it working?" Nicky asked, as Piper sat beside her.  
"Pretty well. Morello's gonna crack soon. It's Alex's love for substances that worries me. She'll be harder to crack."  
"Mmm...I say, we let 'em sweat some more." Nicky suggested.  
Piper nodded, "I like the sound of that."  
Piper and Nicky threw Alex and Morello a smirk from across the hall.  
"Jesus Vause, I didn't know Chapman could be so holier than thou about stuff."  
"It's one of her less endearing traits."  
"Did they just...smirk ...at us?" Morello asked, unimpressed.  
"Oh, it's on. It's _so_ on." Alex said.  
"They have just _started_ something." Morello said, finally getting some fire in her belly.  
"If they think they're gonna make us sweat, change our ways and grovel, they can dream on."  
"I have an idea..." Alex said with a smug smile.  
"What kind of idea?"  
"An idea you're gonna love. Follow me..."  
"You're such a tease..."  
"C'mon, quick!" Alex urged, Morello stood up and followed her.  
"Wait a sec, lemme grab an apple!" Morello grabbed an apple and followed Alex.  
Piper and Nicky straightened. Piper's voice was filled with concern, "where are they going? That's not part of the plan..."  
"What do you think they're gonna do?" Nicky asked.  
"Oh please, we have nothing to lose. We're fine. They're in the wrong, they shouldn't have been choosing to do such stupid stuff."  
Nicky studied Piper, "You do realise Vause is a fucking bad ass, right?"  
"I don't have any vices in here." Piper said with pride.  
"Everyone has a vice." Nicky warned.  
Piper shrugged, "not me. I'm invincible."  
Red entered Parker's room.  
"Knock before you enter." Parker said.  
"There's no door, Einstein."  
"I'm surprised you know who Einstein is." Parker retorted.  
"There are drugs moving through this prison. I want it to stop. And I want your help. You get the kitchen as a reward, I let you live in peace."  
"I thought you understood that I wasn't afraid of you, or any one in here. If someone offends me, Red. I'll just cut them."  
Parker revealed a blade stuck in a twig, hidden up her sleeve.  
Red eyed Parker, "was that a threat?"  
"When it's a threat, you'll know."  
Red glared at Parker, "was _that_ a threat?!"  
Parker rolled her eyes. Red seethed, "The only thing I truly care about, is the well being of my girls. You understand? _Help_ me."  
"No." Parker said, walking up to Red, "do you think I'm an idiot? You think I don't know you got other plans for me? I've got my own spies in this place, Red. They tell me things. Things that make you look a lot less trustworthy."  
Red fell silent.  
"I'm going to hurt you. And you won't see me coming. Now get out." Parker said, her voice chillingly low. Red turned and walked away, unsure what to do. She hadn't expected the powerplay to happen so soon. She knew Taystee had been feeding Parker information, but only because Red herself had orchestrated it this way. Red needed to know how much of a threat Parker was. And she was about to find out.  
_Perfect._ Red thought with a slight smile. Parker would come directly after Red, as it was Red who had betrayed her. What Parker didn't know was Red had connections too. Once Red established she was top dog in here, Parker would have no choice but to side with her and obey her. Then Red would work on knocking Gloria down a notch or two.  
After all, The Litch belonged to Red. Nobody else. You controlled the food, you controlled the people. It was that simple, be it in Russia, be it in America, be it in prison. It was a universal law nobody could fuck with.  
Piper exhaled and sat on her bed. She and Alex were in a better place, thank goodness. She didn't know what it meant. Were they together...or not? But for the first time, she looked forward to just free falling and figuring that out.  
She thought she deserved a reward, she glanced at her bookshelf and froze.  
"Oh no..." she whispered, "oh, no, no, no, no..._no_!" Her books were gone.  
"Chapman!" Nicky's pissed voice broke her drama.  
"Chapman, my fucking hairspray is gone. How will I manage my mane?!" She gestured at the mess of hair she wore with such pride.  
"I didn't know you managed it..." piper confessed. If looks could kill, Piper would be dead. Nicky noticed her books missing.  
"They took your books?"  
"And your hairspray." Piper answered.  
"Invincible just isn't what it used to be, fucking A." Nicky lamented. She slumped on the bed beside Piper.  
"No. No... Nicky...this is not over. This is _far_ from over. You don't just take someone's books. You don't just fuck with their hairspray. That's a new low."  
"Amen, sister." Nicky said.  
"Let's get even." Piper announced, she climbed to her feet.  
"Come on. I have an idea."  
"Oh, I don't know... you seem to get in a lot of shit around here... I just want my hairspray back."  
"Morello's playing you. Take back your power. Take back your self respect..._Nothing_ on this earth is _sexier_ than a woman who has self respect."  
"Careful Chapman, you're sorta turning me on here."  
"Let's get even. Alex and Morello won't know what hit them." Piper declared, Nicky stood up and followed.  
"Yes ma'am." Nicky said, with giddy amusement. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Red sighed, getting impatient.  
"It's been an entire day and she hasn't made her move." Red said to Gina. Gina had only been back a few days, her shoulder was almost healed.  
"Look Red, maybe you should stop while you're in control of things."  
"What control?" Red exclaimed, "I don't have my kitchen, I hurt you, one of my girls. Gloria is trying to replace me, but Parker is trying to replace me and Gloria. I have no control right now, Gina."  
"I just mean... she used innocent kids as drug runners. This woman is dangerous Red. She's out of your league."  
Red's face clouded over, "Don't tell me who is out of my league. Also, Norma is still ignoring me."  
"She needs some time. She's just disappointed. We used to feel safe around you, Red. Now, things feel different."  
Red studied Gina, the skinny woman bravely nursed her bandages. She could have chosen to hate Red too, but she understood why Red did what she did, and knew she wasn't the intended target.  
The speakers blared throughout the prison, "_Lunch will be served in thirty minutes."_  
"Another one of Gloria's glorious meals." Red quipped, bitter.  
"They aint too shabby, Red." Gina answered, "and neither is Gloria. She's a good woman."  
"Good people don't end up in a place like this, Gina."  
"Good point." Gina answered with an air of resignation about her. She knew that there was no point arguing with Red. Once Red had made a decision, that was it.  
"I'm sorry he broke your heart." Nicky said.  
"You have a strange way of saying hello, Nichols." Morello replied. Nicky gave her a half-hearted shrug and joined her in the common room. Morello was watching TV.  
"So... do I get my hairspray back?"  
"Depends. We okay yet?" Morello asked. Nicky watched cartoons with Morello.  
"I don't know Morello. I honestly don't know." Nicky confessed. Morello sighed.  
"I don't know what it is you think we have. Hell, even I don't know. But we have it. You know? That's gotta count for something, Nichols." Morello's hand reached for Nicky's. But much to her surprise and Nicky's, Nicky pulled it away. For the first time during her stay at Litchfield, Nicky dropped the facades, the quips and the pretences. She looked Morello straight in the eye.  
"How long you been using?"  
"It's not 'using', it's just something I like now and then. You know, let off some steam. That sort of thing."  
Nicky nodded.  
"Thing is, Morello, I care about you. I care about you enough to not be phased by your hetero intentions. I care about you enough to be pissed off at the spineless idiot who broke your heart... But I care about me too, and I can see that caring about you could lead to me going back ...there. And it's not someplace I wanna go. Because I know I won't survive it."  
Morello's heart sank as she gazed at Nicky. Nicky's eyes were soft and sincere, as was her tone.  
"Nicky, I would never let you near the drugs."  
"It's not you I don't trust. It's me."  
"What're you saying?"  
Nicky shrugged. Morello studied her, she knew what Nicky was saying. Nicky was making her choose. Morello's eyes flickered to hers. It wasn't about choosing, it was about letting Nichols know she meant more to Morello than a quick fix.  
"If this is that important to you, then I won't touch that stuff again." Morello said.  
Nicky felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips, "Good, because I already found your stash and threw it."  
Morello let out an incredulous laugh, she hit Nicky in the arm.  
"Who's idea was that?"  
"Chapman, believe it or not. She's got some tricks up her sleeve."  
"What's this rumour I heard about you and Vause?"  
"What's the rumour I heard about _you_ and Vause?"  
"Sounds like Vause has been busy." Morello smirked. Nicky rolled her eyes, "I can't believe she thought she'd get over Chapman."  
"For a second there, I thought she'd succeed."  
Nicky gave Morello a shocked look, "you pessimist! Have faith in the power of true love-"  
"-or lust."  
"Unbelievable. You need to get your radar fixed. Those two are the real deal."  
"Since when has the real deal been that damaged?"  
"If by damaged you mean sexy as hell, then I agree."  
Morello shook her head at Nicky then turned her attention back to the TV. She felt Nicky gingerly slip her fingers back into Morello's hand. Morello gave it the slightest squeeze. Nicky smiled.  
Alex raked the leaves in the furthest part of the yard. There were no cameras here, and nobody could see you. Inmates often came down here to smoke. Hence Alex's discovery: raking leaves wasn't too bad, but trying to rake cigarettes was a nightmare. They kept slipping through the gaps in the metallic rake. She sighed and resorted to crouching and using her gloved hands to gather them all.  
"Alright, well played. I've looked everywhere. Where are my books?" Piper's voice was a pleasant and much needed distraction from the task at hand.  
"You gimme back my books, and I'll give you back your rum..."  
Alex raised an impressed eyebrow, "You drive a hard bargain, Chapman...but you'll have to offer me a lot more than rum to get your stuff back."  
Piper playfully held her gaze, "What did you have in mind?"  
Alex felt her heart skip a beat, she loved it when Piper teased her back. Alex was the only person Piper allowed this side of herself to exist around. The ballsy, playful, Piper, who could match Alex in a battle of wits. Few people could match Alex in a battle of wits, and there was nothing Alex found sexier than Piper reciprocating her confidence.  
Piper stepped closer to Alex, Alex didn't break her gaze.  
Their eyes were comfortable on each other's. It never felt as if one had looked at the other for a moment too long. If anything, it felt like they hadn't gazed at each other long enough, and could stay in the moment forever.  
Alex forced herself to look away and continue raking the leaves. She had no idea where they stood with each other now. She didn't know what any of it meant.  
Piper frowned slightly, "Hey..." Speaking with a gentleness only she could manage.  
Alex looked at her, intentionally blank, "yeah?"  
Piper stepped closer to Alex and pulled off her glasses. She slipped them into her own jacket pocket.  
"What're you doing?" She asked in a low whisper.  
"What do you think?" Piper whispered back as she leant in for a kiss. Alex stepped back, removing herself from the intense attraction she felt when she was stood near Piper.  
"What's wrong?"  
"I don't know," Alex admitted, "Nothing with a little bit of everything?"  
Alex returned to clearing the leaves. Piper studied Alex, "Will you stop with the rake for a second? It can wait."  
Alex took in a deep breath and stood the rake against the fence. She turned and met Piper's concerned expression full on.  
"Why so cold?" Piper queried.  
Alex gave her a small smile, "not cold, just... confused."  
"About..." Piper nudged.  
"Us."  
Piper winced inside. For the person who felt inevitable to her, to have doubts, sucked. It really sucked.  
"Piper, what you said in the Laundry room..." Alex shook her head, "I haven't said it yet. And I don't want that to become a problem..."  
"No problem here." Piper said, overcompensating. Alex gazed at her. "Look, I said you should only say it when you're ready or you feel like it. Not because I've realised you haven't said it."  
"You 'heart' me, right?"  
Alex smiled.  
"That's good enough." Piper said, she stepped closer to Alex, letting her nose gently graze Alex's as the pair shut their eyes.  
"Besides...I'm sure I can find other ways for you to say it."  
Alex smiled. Her eyes were still shut, she could feel Piper's body pressing gently against hers.  
"Is that so?" Alex whispered.  
Piper gingerly kissed Alex. It felt like a fuse had been lit on dynamite, within seconds the soft kiss evolved into something deeper, something raw and passionate. Something electric.  
As they found themselves caught up in desire, Alex pushed Piper up against the fence. A moan escaped Piper's lips as she kissed Alex harder than before. She was hungry for this, hungry for Alex.  
Nicky washed her face in the bathroom. She was alone in there, for once. It was peaceful. Her mind wandered to Morello. She was glad Morello was for real. It was nice to finally have something good, something real and adult in her life, that would keep her in line. God knows she needed the discipline and affection.  
She dabbed the towel against her face, in the mirror she caught a glimpse of Parker who was stood behind her. Nicky nearly leapt out of her skin.  
"Jesus Fucking Christ!" Nicky declared, "What're you? A fucking ninja? You could kill somebody, sneaking up on people like that...Jesus..." Nicky caught her breath.  
Parker nodded at Nicky's scar as it peaked out above the towel that was wrapped around her.  
"I used to supply the best heroin in the state."  
"And look where it got ya." Nicky quipped. She studied Parker nervously, "what do you want? Other than to admire my awesome stitches of course."  
"Of course," Parker said with a small smile. "I've got something for you to give Red. A message."  
"What kind of message?" Nicky asked, dabbing the towel against her wet hair.  
Parker wedged the blade into Nicky's side. Nicky froze in agony as Parker twisted it in deeper. Her knees buckled beneath her weight as she fell to the ground.  
Parker smirked and dropped the blade beside Nicky's head.  
"Either you bleed out and die in two hours, or you end it sooner by cutting your wrists. Nobody will disturb the death of a waste of space, washed up, junkie." Parker said coolly as she placed a wet floor sign in the doorway.  
She picked up the cleaning sign and hung it on the door.  
"See you in hell." Parker said with a smirk.  
Nicky felt warm blood drip down her side and pool on the cold, wet, floor around her. Her white towel was now soaked. She couldn't move. The pain was paralysing. Her eyes drifted to the doorway, then to the blade, as the extent of her helplessness began to dawn on her. This was it. She would die here.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews, they're the best thing about writing fics :) I really appreciate them. I hope you like the twists and turns that are coming up in the next three chapters!

Happy reading

Chapter Seven

Red followed the Cos and the paramedics as they wheeled Nicky through the corridor on a gurney. The inmates stood aside and watched. Bennett put a hand out, gesturing for Red to stop within the confines of the prison.  
"But she's one of my girls." Red said, gutted.  
"Sorry, but I can't let you go any further."  
"Will you keep me informed about how she's doing and if she..." her voice caught in her throat, "and if she survives?"  
"I will," Bennett promised.  
Red turned back to the inmates.  
"What the hell happened, Red? You were meant to protect her!" Morello cried out, Alex pulled Morello back.  
"It's not her fault," Piper said softly. Morello had tears in her eyes.  
"Does anyone else blame me?" Red demanded. The crowd fell silent. Red caught Gina's eye. Gina broke her gaze and looked at the ground, unable to look Red in the eye. Gina was right after all, Red had failed to protect them. Gina and Norma disappeared into the crowd.  
"It's not your fault Red." A voice announced, Red glanced up to see Gloria bravely approach her. The crowd watched on, nobody spoke. Gloria put an arm around Red's shoulders and led Red away from the staring crowd. She turned back to the inmates, "No one else helped her either. Where were you, Morello?" Gloria asked, making an example of her.  
Morello, Piper and Alex stared at Gloria. Red let Gloria guide her away from the gathered inmates.  
"That's not fair!" Morello exclaimed. Gloria gave her a knowing look and nudged Red.  
"Don't worry about them, Red. I've got your back."  
Red felt a wave of guilt writhe through her veins, she glanced at Gloria. The Hispanic woman had just stepped up against the entire prison for her. For Red, who intended to secretly overthrow her.  
"Parker." Red said, her eyes clouded over with a thirst for vengeance.  
"Don't do anything crazy, Red."  
"She hurt one of my girls, Gloria. This is war. And everyone knows not to mess with the Russians."

Back in the corridor, the gathered inmates began to slowly return to their daily activities. Morello blew her nose into a tissue, as Alex passed her another one.  
"Just when you think every thing'll be okay, life fucks you over."  
"She'll be okay." Piper said, trying her best to offer some form of consolation.  
"You don't know that." Morello said firmly. Piper glanced at Alex, Alex put an arm around Morello and pulled her into an embrace. Morello sobbed into Alex's shoulder. Piper stepped back, letting Alex do what Alex was good at, connecting with people. Piper couldn't help but feel the slightest sense of disease. She headed for the door.  
"Where you going?" Alex asked Piper, while cradling a distressed Morello close.  
"For a walk." Piper said softly, her eyes on Morello. As she walked away, tears stung her eyes. Nicky could die.  
Nicky could actually die. It terrified her.  
The stark reminder that life behind bars provided an illusion of safety, but not safety itself. She remembered how Healy had left her to die, she remembered the violation of Pornstache groping her right in front of Caputo and her fellow inmates. The lack of human decency made her feel sick to her stomach. Nicky was a bright spark, and imagining the prison without her made Piper dread her sentence even more.  
What would Morello do? How would she cope? How was Alex? And Red? The people Nicky had connected with during her stay. She knew these were things she should consider, but she was too caught up in her own realisation and reminder of how much prison sucked.  
After all, a narcissist would always be a narcissist, even an unwitting one. Her feet led her to the queue for the phone. She stepped up to the phone, and glanced to her side. The crying inmate, was as usual, crying as she spoke into the phone. It clung to her cheek and she pressed it harder against her head which each passing sob.  
Piper stared blankly at the phone, she lifted the receiver and dialled out. Her fingers dialled instinctively. She phone rang. And rang.  
"Hello?" Larry's voice enquired, "Piper...?" He asked. She shut her eyes, and took in a deep breath. His voice sounded groggy. Probably hung over.  
"Hi..." she managed, softly.  
"What's wrong, are you okay?" He asked, cutting straight to the chase. Piper flinched, tears finally spilling over the edge of her eyelids and rolling down her cheeks.  
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." She managed in a hoarse voice. She cleared her throat, unable to understand the sudden anguish she was in. She quickly slammed the phone down.  
What am I doing? She pressed her forehead against the cold plastic receiver, then gathered herself. She walked back down the corridor, and for the first time in a long time, she remembered this was only part of her life. Not all of it. All each of these women needed to do, was their time. And survive.  
Some thing she could do if she needed to.

Piper rounded the corner and bumped into Pennastucky. The fragile Pennastucky fell to the floor, and glared up at Piper. Leanne stepped forward and shoved Piper into the wall.  
She opened her mouth to apologise but before she could, Leanne shoved her again, harder this time. Hard enough to knock the wind from her lungs. Something snapped inside her.  
"Lay a hand on me again and I'll snap every one of your fingers." She promised.  
"Leave it Leanne... she aint worth it." Pennastucky said, trying not to smile, Piper and Pennastucky both knew Piper had took the bait and reacted. Usually Piper would hate herself for it, but she couldn't care less right now.  
"C'mon," Pennastucky nudged, "I'm fine. Turn the other cheek, remember?"  
Leanne nodded at Pennastucky, then studied Piper.  
"Threaten me again, and you won't have hands to snap my fingers with."  
Leanne stalked away. Piper watched after her.  
Pennastucky snorted with laughter, baring her gnarled up teeth.  
"Oh, I forgot to mention that Leanne's doing time for breaking every bone in her neighbours arm with her bare hands. She's quite handy with a bread knife too."  
Pennastucky said with a twisted smirk. Piper didn't break Pennastucky's gaze.  
"Besides...I been feeling a lot better lately, Chapman. Look at my cheekbones, they've almost healed up. If I were you, I'd go back to sleeping with one eye open."  
"Do your worst."  
"You asked for it." Pennastucky said with a glint in her eye. Piper straightened up and walked away from Pennastucky. Knowing that turning your back on somebody you pissed off, is the stupidest thing you can do in a place like prison. But she needed to show Pennastucky she wasn't afraid of her.

"Hey, mute..." Parker's voice echoed throughout the silent kitchen. Norma was washing dishes. She turned and greeted her visitor with a skittish glance then returned to washing the dishes.  
Parker slid a folded piece of paper and an object wrapped in tissue beside Norma.  
"You welcomed me when I first got here. I won't forget that." Parker pushed the folded note and wrapped up object towards Norma. "For you. So you can take care of yourself. Things are changing here in a big way."  
Parker walked away. Norma waited to hear the kitchen door swing shut. She furtively unfolded the note and read the message, "Look out for yourself," it read, in scruffy hand writing. Norma nervously unwrapped the object, she stared at it. A razor blade wedged into the back of a toothbrush. Norma quickly hid the weapon in her apron. Her heart began to race.

"How is she?" Red asked.  
Bennett gave her a shrug, "she lost a lot of blood, and they've got her on a bucket load of pain killers."  
"Will she live though?"  
"They won't make any promises. She lost a lot of blood, and whoever did this, knew what they were doing, Red. They went for a specific vein. Had we found her a few minutes later, she'd already be..."  
"Ok." Red said quickly, unable to bare it.  
"They'll allow her one visit, Red. From an inmate. To bring her a few books and her things."  
"Send Morello." Red said, she couldn't possibly face Nicky. Not until she had gotten Parker back. Besides Nicky would probably much rather see Morello right now anyway.  
"Sure?" Bennett asked.  
"Yes. But tell Morello to tell Nicky I will fix this."  
"What do you mean?" Bennett asked.  
"You know what I mean." The woman replied, her expression bitter.

The next morning, Piper watched as visitors enter the room. Relatives, friends, faithful people who did their duty by the people who were serving time.  
She felt Alex's chin land on her shoulder, "Hey stalker." Piper pulled away, but tried to seem subtle. Nothing got past Alex though.  
"What's wrong?"  
"N-nothing. Just surprised to see you here. I thought you were spending today with Morello?"  
"No, she's visiting Nicky a visit. Took her some books-and borrowed some of yours actually...but you'll get them back. So it's fine." Alex slowly stopped speaking as she noticed the guilty look on Piper's face.  
"What? What've you done? What have I walked in on?"  
Piper glanced at the visitation room, her heart raced in her chest.  
Oh shit.  
All she could do was watch in slow motion as Alex spotted him. There, in his unshaven and wounded glory, was Larry waiting for Piper in the visitation room. Not saying a word, Alex turned on the ball of her foot and walked off.  
"Alex..." Piper sighed.  
"Fuck you, Piper." She said effortlessly. Piper sighed, she hated that this was becoming a casual exchange between the two of them.  
Piper watched Alex go, then glanced back at Larry. She had invited him without really thinking it through. She needed to see how the outside world was. She needed to be reminded that this wasn't all there was to existence. But she couldn't make Alex understand that, not when the medium via which she chose to taste the outside world was Larry.

Larry glanced up from the table and studied Piper. From the looks of it, it was easy to assume Larry was the inmate.  
"Wow, you really let yourself go." Piper said softly.  
"Don't flatter yourself Piper. This isn't because of you."  
Piper tried not to look hurt, Larry took in a deep breath.  
"I spent hours, trying to work out how to be the best fiancé I could be while you were in prison. The only thing I got out of this, was my radio interview and the article. Other than that, you have ruined my life, Piper."  
"That's not fair. I asked you if this was what you really wanted, if I was the person you wanted to marry. And you said yes. Not me. You said yes."  
"Ok, fine, I apologise for a second for thinking just maybe you'd take some responsibility for once. This is all my fault. You're right." His sarcastic tone was laced with a bitter edge she wasn't used to.  
"Don't talk to me like that, Larry."  
"Then maybe I won't talk to you at all."  
"Are you threatening me?" She asked incredulously, "Why did you even show up if all you were gonna do was hate me? You could have done that from home."  
The two fell silent. Larry's eyes flickered to his watch.  
"Look, we have a history, and I understand that this is probably not ideal. But I want to write more about your time in prison."  
"Fuck you, Larry."  
"Hear me out, I bring you information about Polly, the baby, the real world and you give me information about your world."  
Piper stared at him.  
"It'd be fascinating. And whatever I earn off it, I'll give you a cut, bumping up your commissary."  
"I'm your fiancé-"  
"Ex-fiancé."  
"And now I'm just a potential goldmine for you?" Piper asked tritely.  
"You aren't thinking this through properly. It's mutually beneficial and hey, maybe this is why we crossed paths in life... "  
"So you could use me as a stepping stone to your literary success? Wow, Larry. You sure know how to make a girl feel special."  
"I'm sure Alex can say the same about you."  
His words were like a punch to the stomach.  
"What?!" She demanded, "Don't you dare talk about Alex. You understand?"  
"Why not?" Larry asked, leaning forward, "she stole the one person I love in this world—I can talk about her all I want-"  
"Don't talk about Alex. That is not your place."  
"It's not her fault that I love her. And if you knew the first thing about love, you'd understand."  
"You love her. That's all I hear about. You love her. You fucked her. You committed crimes for her. Do you know if she even loves you? What if you're just a ride to pass the time in here?" Larry asked, knowing he was pushing buttons.  
"I'm not."  
"How do you know? Has she ever told you she loves you?"  
"No-but that's not-that's irrelevant." Piper concluded. She could feel Larry playing her and she hated it.  
"This was a bad idea. Fuck you, and your lack of journalistic integrity, or integrity of any kind."  
Larry scoffed, "that's rich coming from the one of us who's serving time."  
"Good bye Larry."  
"I'll call Litchfield tomorrow and ask for you. If you take the call, we can work on the mutually beneficial journalism I mentioned, if you don't, that's fine. You've given me plenty of material to write about anyway."  
Larry got up and walked out. Piper was left sitting alone at the table.  
She glanced around at the visitors and inmates, they seemed to be having a much better time.  
She owed Alex an explanation. She got up and headed back inside, in search of Alex.

Alex stormed outside into the yard, suffice it to say, she was pissed off. It was just one thing after another with Piper. Whenever happiness was in their reach, Piper would have a crisis of conscience and mess things up. _Fucking Larry. _How Piper managed to sleep with such a whiny, needy man, was beyond Alex. But that was Piper's issue. What Alex didn't appreciate was how constantly insulting the things Piper did were. This was the same Larry, Piper had chosen over her. The same Larry who used Piper as a pawn to cash in on his fifteen minutes of fame. The same Larry she didn't love. The same Larry she chose despite claiming they felt inevitable. No matter what, and the 'what' in that sentiment, should have included Larry.  
Diaz was stood by the fence, peering out at the fields. She took a long drag of her cigarette. Or what Alex thought was a cigarette.  
"You look tense. Go sulk someplace else, seeing you tense is making me tense..." Diaz ordered.  
"Can I have a drag?"  
"Its not what you think it is, but sure."  
"Even better." Alex said, taking the pot off Diaz and taking the longest drag she could manage. Diaz smiled, "that tense, eh?"  
Alex slowly blew out the smoke.  
"You don't even know."  
"Fuckin' Chapman, eh? Some people take trouble with them, wherever they go if you ask me." Diaz said. Alex took another drag then handed the spliff back to Diaz. Diaz took the last few drags as the two women gazed out at the lush green fields in silence.  
"I didn't ask you." Alex said. Diaz nodded, this was true.  
Once the joint was finished, Diaz dropped it to the ground and ran her boot over it.  
"Shame about Nichols."  
"Yeah..." Alex's words seemed more like breathing than speaking, "shit. I hate this place."  
"You aint the only one, bambi." Diaz said, "All we can do is handle our own business, and keep out of other peoples'." Diaz slipped Alex a joint, Alex tucked it into her waistband.  
"Our little secret?" Diaz asked.  
Alex nodded. Diaz gave Alex an approving pat on the shoulder, "See you in hell, by which I mean, see you back inside."  
Alex watched Diaz go, she sighed and lowered herself to the ground. She had some thinking to do.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Mendez set foot back in the prison. It was his first day back, since Trisha, since getting caught with Daya. Since dropping in to check up on her. He had missed her. He had never realised just how much he had isolated himself from human contact until they made love in that storage cupboard. He got suspended for it, but it was totally worth it. He took in a deep breath, the hint of bleach and cleaning products that clung to the air comforted him. He belonged here, keeping the inmates in line, getting some extra cash on the side thanks to heroin, and more importantly, he belonged anywhere inmate Dayanara was.  
"You're back." Bennett said, more surprised than happy. Mendez smiled, he patted Bennett on the back, "it's been a while man."  
"Four weeks." Bennett replied.  
"What's new?" Mendez asked as the two headed down the corridor and into the prison for their shifts.  
"Not much-" Bennett began.  
"And Daya, how's she?" Mendez said, making no attempt to make his enquiry seem professional or casual.  
"She's uh... she's..." And just like that, Daya came into their line of sight as she wandered over to Diaz, an elder inmate. Mendez's eyes grew wide. Daya was showing. She was pregnant.  
"Well...she's—" Bennett tried.  
"Pregnant." Mendez said, he brushed past Bennett and took Daya by the arm.  
"Come with me, inmate." He ordered, Daya stared at him in panic then glanced at Bennett. All Bennett could do was stand still and watch in horror as Mendez escorted Daya out of the main hall. Bennett stood dumbfounded. He and Daya hadn't been on particularly good terms lately, and he knew they were both stuck for solutions about the pregnancy. But the thought of Mendez having anything to do with his baby filled him with dread. They were in over their heads. And it was starting to paralyse him with fear.

"So, you're just gonna keep ignoring me and pretend you don't feel a thing?" Piper asked Alex, "You know, it took me forty five minutes to find you. Forty five minutes of time I could've spent...reading a book, scrubbing the floors..." Piper tried to charm Alex, Alex ignored her and continued jogging round the lap. Piper sped up, determined to keep up.  
"I could have even cleaned the showers with a toothbrush." Again nothing, Piper sighed. She grabbed Alex's arm.  
"Alex c'mon."  
"Get off've me." Alex said, Piper was taken aback by her anger.  
Alex sighed, "I just... I need some space." The dismay in Alex's eyes made Piper hate herself.  
"Alex, it was just a visit—"  
"Piper. Drop it." Alex warned.  
"You've got people in here Alex. Whether you admit it or not, they like you and you have this way of being able to connect with anyone. I don't. I don't know how to do that and it gets hard. You know? Watching you be there for people, do it so well-and then there's me. Stood on the sidelines with no fucking idea –"  
"You're shit at caring about others? That's not my problem."  
"Then why are you mad at me? Because my ex-fiancé visited me? I didn't realise you were so insecure." That struck a chord within Alex. She turned on her heel and levelled Piper with a hard stare.  
"As if you've ever given me any reason not to be. Ever."  
Piper scoffed and started shaking her head, "Oh do not go there. So not even go there!_ I _told _you_ I love _you_. I have not been granted the decency of having that said back to me. Don't be all self-righteous-"  
"You know what, Piper? Next week, I've got a visitation with an ex. This girl? I nearly married her. The sex was amazing, the drugs, the intoxication of just being around her? Phenomenal." Piper stared at Alex, it felt as if Alex had punched her in the stomach. So this was how Piper seeing Larry had made Alex feel.  
Alex gave her a shrug, "Guess I just proved my point." With that, Alex turned and continued jogging.  
"You want space, I can do space. Because I love you, and I respect you. And I am sorry I made you feel like that." Piper said, as righteously as possible. Alex threw her a look as if to say, 'yeah right.'  
"I can SO do space!" Piper promised, barely believing it herself.  
Alex kept on running. Piper shrugged it off, she could totally do space. She could be a space ninja if that's what Alex needed. She could. She could. She started jogging... then realised space meant she couldn't jog when Alex was using the running track.  
"space. Right." Piper scolded herself, "ok." She headed back to the prison.  
Red stared at Norma, "and you accepted it?!" she demanded. Norma gave a clueless shrug.  
"Ai, yai, yai. Norma. Ai, yai, yai. So help me Christ."  
Red took the hand-made weapon and wrapped it back up.  
"You can return to the kitchen." Red granted, but Norma reached into her apron and pulled out an item wrapped in foil. She handed it to Red then walked away.  
Red opened the foil and found a piece of bread. With it, was a note, "When you arrived, you told me, 'There are two types of people. The people who make the bread and the ones who eat the bread.' It's time to show Parker which one you are, and remind everyone who Red is."  
Red smiled softly, Norma got it. She got the code. She understood how things ought to be done and Red loved her for it.  
If memory served her correctly, today Mendez was back. Her plan was to reach Mendez before Parker did and get him on side.  
Then everything would take care of itself, she stared at the inmates as they lined up for lunch. Everything would return to the way it should be.  
Nicky stirred awake in her hospital room. She raised an eyebrow at Piper.  
"The hell are you doing here, Chapman?"  
"I came to visit." Piper said with a nervous shrug.  
"Where's Morello?"  
"She had a visitation this week, so she couldn't make it."  
"Well, that is fucking charming."  
"Besides I'm low risk, so they think I'm a safe bet to be sent to visit you."  
"Cuz you won't try to run away?"  
"Nope."  
"Pussy."  
"Takes one to know one." Piper answered. Nicky studied her.  
"What's new in the Litch?"  
"Not much. Ooh, Daya's pregnant. And it's totally Bennett's. Alex wants space, Morello can't sing to save her life. Uhm, oh and Bursett is now doing white people's hair for a lower price. One bar of soaps instead of two."  
"Woah, woah, hold up. Vause wants space? The hell did you do now?"  
Piper scoffed, "what makes you think it was my fault?"  
Nicky gave her a look. Piper sighed, "I got Larry to visit me."  
"The beard?"  
"He wasn't a beard." Piper said, "But yeah, and Alex found out."  
Nicky raised an eyebrow, "You mean you didn't tell her? She just showed up and caught you?"  
Piper winced, "is that really bad?"  
"Lying is worse than cheating."  
"Debatable." Piper said. Nicky laughed.  
"So what's space mean in prison?"  
"I can't use things or be in places when she's there. And it sucks, because you're here. Red's depressing me, and Morello keeps switching between guilt and remorse, then short-lived quest for vengeance because of what happened to you. Speaking of what happened... what did happen?"  
"You don't wanna get involved. How's Red?"  
"She's not okay. Pretending to be. But she's not ok."  
"Do me a favour, give Red a packet of pretzels. She'll know what it means. And I'll pay you back when they lemme out of this place."  
Piper nodded, "sure. No problem. How're you doing? How's the health and stuff?"  
"Stuff is shitty. You're my only visitor this week. And health is on the mend, I'm a resilient mother fucker, Chapman. Parker's gonna have to try harder than that."  
Piper's eyes widened. She then proceeded to mouth in a barely audible yet manic whisper.  
"PARKER DID THIS?!"  
"Don't say a thing, kid." Nicky warned. "This ain't a game."  
"SHE'S MY BUNK MATE. I SLEEP NEXT TO HER." Piper felt her heart race in her chest.  
"Oh my god, does she hate white people?!"  
"No! SHUT UP. Chapman, don't tell ANYONE. Ok?"  
Piper barely reacted, she was too busy freaking out on the inside. She had to sleep in the same room as this woman.  
"CHAPMAN?" Nicky prompted. Piper nodded.  
"Sure, sure. No problem. Lips sealed. Shit. Fuck."  
"Calm down, you aren't a part of what's going on, so you're safe."  
"I _hate _prison." Piper sighed.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

Piper didn't sleep that night. Not even for a second. Every time Parker rolled over, Piper would freeze. She was not good at playing it cool. She couldn't die with Alex and Larry both hating her. They were the only people who really mattered.  
Piper glanced sheepishly across her room, at Parker. Parker was fast asleep. Beside her bed, on a small table was a black book. Piper wondered what was in it. She studied Parker, convinced she was asleep, Piper climbed out of her bed and snuck over to Parker's bedside table as gingerly as possible. Piper picked up the book and began reading it. It was a list of names. And Piper's was on it, right beneath Nicky's, and Norma's. Piper's jaw hung open. Was she Parker's next victim? Is that what the list meant? She felt a familiar surge of alarm pulse through her.  
"The hell are you doing?" Parker grumbled. Piper put the book back on the bedside table, "I was just looking for something to read."  
"In the dark. At three in the morning?"  
"Yes, for tomorrow. In advance. I didn't read anything. I promise. I thought it was my book, but it isn't. It's definitely not. " Piper rambled.  
"Look Chapman, freak out in the day. Right now, I want to sleep. Disturb me again and..."  
"I won't. I will never disturb you," she said perhaps too eagerly, "_ever_."  
Parker frowned at Piper, then rolled over and went to sleep.  
Piper felt like she couldn't breathe, her throat seized up. She hurried out of her room and pressed her back against the wall. She began hyperventilating, and whispering to herself. Trying her best to freak out without awaking any of the other inmates.  
"Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit fuck."

Mendez studied Red, "and why would I wanna help you?"  
"Because you knocked up the latina." Red said simply. Morello glanced from Mendez to Red, she knew the role she had to play in all of this. Together they'd get that bitch back for what she did to Nicky. Watching Red play Mendez impressed and alarmed Morello, but she understood that there was a certain way to handle things in prison, so she never question Red.  
Mendez stared at Red, "What do you need me to do."  
"I've told you the plan, but just be ready, okay?"  
Mendez nodded, "But if any of us get caught, I'm taking you down with me."  
"I know what I'm doing." Red said. She glanced at the pretzels Piper had given her from Nicky, she took a deep breath. It was time to implement her plan.  
"Good luck." Red said to Morello and Mendez, then headed into the canteen.

Pennsatucky sat at the table for lunch, she glanced Chapman. Chapman seemed subdued today, panicked. She was sat alone staring at her food rather than eating. She glared at Chapman. That skank. Pennsatucky prayed she was always in distress. She ate her lunch, enjoying the bland mashed potato the canteen served. A group of inmates walked passed her table. She glanced at them. You had to be on your guard in places like this. If the lord gave you senses, he expected you to use them. She glanced back at her plate and froze as she looked down. The small transparent packet stared right back at her. The white powder seemed holier than holy. She hadn't touched drugs in a long time. Maybe the lord was giving her a little something for all her hard work in here. She covertly slid the packet off the table and into her hands, then slipped out of the canteen, unaware she was being watched.  
Red smirked to herself. This was too easy. She headed over to Parker. "Rumour has it, your business has competition in the Litch."  
Parker just looked at Red.  
"Don't believe me, head on down to the laundry room and see for yourself."  
Parker studied Red, "what's your play, Red?"  
"No play. Just a peace offering of sorts." With that Red walked away, giving Morello a slight nod. Morello clumsily bumped into Parker, who shoved Morello hard.  
"Watch where you're going!"  
"Sorry, sorry. I wasn't looking..." Morello said, raising her hands in surrender and walking off with her head down. Morello fought back a smile, she could still pickpocket like she used to. Parker waited for Red to leave the canteen before giving in to curiosity. Once the coast was clear, she slid out of the canteen and headed down to the laundry room.

Alex put another batch in the machine. She heard a sound from around the corner, but she ignored it. It was probably a rat, or some inmate up to no good. She continued what she was doing, paying no attention to the clatter and rustling coming from a few feet away.  
All of a sudden, the feeble Pennsatucky hurtled into a dryer with a loud thud.  
She groaned, Alex's eyes darted from Pennsatucky to the attacker, it was Parker. Alex noticed Pennsatucky's glazed over eyes. She was on something. And this was not a fair fight.  
"I asked you a question." Parker warned. Alex stayed silent as Parker grabbed Pennsatucky by the collar and shoved her into the dryer again.  
"I told you-it just appeared! Must've been the lord-"  
Parker opened a dryer door and shoved Pennsatucky inside; Pennsatucky started panicking, "I swear to you! I SWEAR! I have NO idea where it came from!"  
"You'll be boiled alive. The heat'll make your skin shrivel and peel off—"  
Alex couldn't watch anymore, it was cruel to just stand there.  
"Come on-" Alex said, "this is getting out of hand, leave her alone. Ask her when she's not doped up."  
Parker slammed Alex into the wall, then shut the door and locked it.  
"Don't. Tell me what to do." Parker barked.  
"What's going on?" Piper's voice interrupted the fight.  
"Get lost Chapman—" Parker warned.  
"Piper. Go." Alex ordered.  
"Not until you tell me what's going on." Piper's eyes shot to a packet of drugs on the floor.  
"Are you using again?" Piper asked Alex.  
Alex frowned, "what? No."  
"Take your domestic and get out of here-" Parker warned them.  
"Let's go." Piper said. Alex shook her head.  
"No. No way am I leaving Pennsatucky in there to burn alive—even though she does deserve it."Piper watched in terror as the two women squared off. Parker stepped toward Alex, holding her gaze in an ice cold glare.  
"We have a problem?"  
"Yeah. I guess we do."  
Parker shoved Alex, and pushed the power button on the dryer. Alex shoved her back hard enough to make her lose her footing.  
"Help me!" Pennsatucky screeched as the dryer began to spin.  
"Alex!" Piper yelled in alarm.  
"Get Pennsatucky out of there!" Alex ordered as Parker pinned Alex against the wall. Parker was a hundred pounds heavier than Alex, something Alex wished she had considered properly before defending the ungrateful hillbilly.  
Piper fumbled with the dryer and pulled Pennsatucky out. Alex slammed her knee in Parker's crotch, Parker groaned and fell back. A razor wedged into a toothbrush fell out of her pocket. Alex grappled Parker so she couldn't reach it. Parker head butted Alex hard.  
"What's going on in here?!" Mendez's voice yelled as he raced into the laundry room. Parker froze as she held the hand-made weapon over Alex's head. Bennett raced in moments later.  
"Those drugs?"  
"They're hers!" Pennsatucky declared, pointing at Alex. Alex stared at Pennsatucky. Piper just watched in horror as every thing unfolded in front of her.  
"Put down the weapon, inmate!"  
"It's not how it looks-" Parker tried, but Mendez wasn't having any of it. He handcuffed her, then Vause.  
"I tried to save you." Alex spat at Pennsatucky.  
"I'll pray for you." Pennsatucky retorted.  
"It's SHU for the two of you. Drugs and weapons are serious offences."  
"This isn't fair..." Piper interjected.  
"It's prison. Not court." Mendez said as he marched Parker out. Bennett marched Alex out, Piper followed close behind.  
"How long are you gonna keep her in there?"  
Bennett didn't answer her.  
"Alex, what the hell happened?!" Piper demanded. Alex gave Piper a calm shrug.  
"I asked for space, and I'm about to get some."  
Piper stared at the strong brunette. She wished Alex wasn't so preoccupied with seeming stronger than she was. Piper barely lasted two days in SHU.  
"That's all you have to say to me?" Piper asked, at a loss.  
"Yep." Alex said with a shrug.  
Piper stared sadly, as the COs marched Alex and Parker out of the laundry room in cuffs.  
Alex was shutting herself off from Piper, and today was the first time Piper had realised. Even when Alex had asked for space, Piper didn't think Alex would really be able to pull out of what they had. She thought they were both in too deep to ever be able to pull out.  
Her heart began to sink as she realised she may never see Alex again. She turned to Pennsatucky, "What happened?"  
"I found Vause doing drugs, and Parker attacked me." Pennsatucky lied, Piper studied her.  
"You sure know how to pick 'em." Pennsatucky said then walked away. Piper was left to stand in the aftermath of all the insanity that had just played out. If Alex was using again, then she deserved to be in SHU. Were her and Alex really finished? 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Alex stared at the walls. She decided to take this as a means to getting over Chapman. Cold turkey. Like an addict weaning herself off a drug. She could do it. All her thoughts, all of logic, sided with her ending things properly with Piper. It made sense and it most likely guaranteed her survival in this place. The fact Piper thought Alex had been using again was bad enough. But though it was bad, Alex found she had emotionally disconnected from Piper in such a way, that Piper couldn't break her heart any more. And that was exactly how Alex preferred to be. She wanted fun, Jesus, she just wanted some fucking happiness. Was that so much to ask for? Meaningless fun is what she was after now. Head down, eyes ahead. Get through prison and have some fun along the way. But not with Piper. She was finished with Piper. She would use her time in SHU to completely cut off her feelings from Piper.  
She would be free. She missed the days when she was in control, when she governed her own happiness. When she was the one to break hearts and walk away. Passionate one night flings, mysterious strangers, exciting times. She wanted them back for herself. Along with the intoxication, the head rushes, the dizzying desire she'd lose herself amidst. Alex Vause needed so desperately to just disconnect from Piper Chapman and reconnect with the world. Reconnect with herself. The magic of losing herself in another person had worn off. She was over it.

Piper watched Larry as he took notes.  
"I may never see her again, Larry." She said after a pause. Larry didn't care, but it was a good enough story. That was all he had reduced Piper to. A story. A means to an end.  
"They only sent you away for two days."  
"That didn't involve drugs."  
"Do you really think Alex was using again?"  
Piper didn't answer. She simply sighed. Larry chuckled and shook his head, "Piper, you're taking the word of a psycho hillbilly who's had it in for you and Alex since day one. You feel no doubt about her claims? I mean, really? Are you that desperate to build a wall between you and Alex, that you'd believe Pennsatucky?"  
Piper studied him. Is that what she was doing? Building a wall? No, No. This wasn't her fault. This was Alex's fault for using again, and Alex's fault for pulling away.  
"Whose side are you on?"  
Larry raised his hands in defeat, "Hey, I'm just watching this all play out." Piper looked hopeless. Larry studied her, "Alex can only hurt you as much as you allow her to. It's your heart, take some responsibility for it Piper."  
Piper studied Larry, "you're right. I need to just...get my act together."  
"Piper, do you really love her?"  
"Of course I do!" Piper exclaimed.  
"Just like you loved me?"  
Piper fell silent.  
"Larry, I can't explain it. It's like when me and Alex are together, it's just... it's like I was put on this earth for that moment."  
Larry raised an eyebrow, and let out a tortured breath.  
"That's deep. And I wish I hadn't asked."  
Piper threw him a look.  
"I'm just wondering how much of this is just lust... you know? A human need, that you sort of denied yourself for so long, and now you're in that fishbowl, you can't imagine it any other way..."  
"Fuck you, Larry. I'm smart enough to know the difference between love and lust."  
"Hey, you wanted to discuss it, so I'm discussing it."

Red smiled at Gloria as she entered the kitchen.  
"You done a good thing, Red." Gloria said as she stirred the soup.  
"I take care of my girls."  
"Poor Vause though..."  
"Yeah, I didn't plan for that. Don't worry, I'll make it right with Vause."  
"I spoke to Caputo... about you and me running the kitchen together."  
Red studied Gloria, it wasn't ideal but she would happily work her way back toward running things alone. Besides Gloria had proved herself to be a loyal woman. A good woman.  
"He's considering it."  
"I appreciate it." Red said, "really, Gloria. You didn't have to."  
"I know. But I know how much it means to you, this kitchen and the girls."  
Red smiled gratefully at her.  
"We look out for each other, that's the only way through. It's the only way to survive in this place. Stick together."

Alex was starving and thirsty, but more than that, she was over Piper. She would go it alone. Everyman for himself is something loving Piper Chapman had taught her. She could hear fellow inmates in their respective cells crying out for help. She opted not to make a fuss. Good behaviour wouldn't go unnoticed, besides if she gave the COs an easy life, they'd give her one.  
A _CLANG, _interrupted her thoughts. A tray of food was slid into the cell. She looked down at the mouldy meal on the tray. She felt her stomach twist in hunger or disgust, she couldn't tell. She decided to drink the cup of juice instead. 

FLASHBACK

Alex's heart ached in her chest. It was as if Piper left a burning hole in Alex's chest when she left. A gaping agonising abyss where her once content heart resided. And she couldn't bare it. She had finally been beaten at her own game. Always the one to bail, always the one to walk away, Alex Vause had finally had a taste of her own medicine and it was too much to take.  
She loved Piper. That had to count for something. Her life felt impossible to envision without Piper by her side. Piper had fled, taking Alex's hopes and dreams with her. All that was beautiful in Alex's world lost its allure as Piper departed. Drink was less intoxicating, food was less tasty, even colours didn't seem s vibrant. Perhaps her world was more dull without Piper, or perhaps Alex had dove too deep in this thing called love. And Piper knew she had her. And Piper had been merciless in walking away, leaving Alex with a broken heart and shattered dreams. She left Alex as a shell of the person she once was, and for that Alex could never forgive her. Her heart thumped, nothing but a muscle now. Her existence had whittled down to nothing but functionality. Without Piper, she didn't desire anything or want anything.  
Her eyes drifted to the briefcase filled with white powder. Maybe this was why people did drugs, to escape from the numbing pain of reality. Alex clicked open the briefcase and took her first dose of heroin. 

End flashback

END FLASHBACK 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Piper had kept her head down, and trained her eyes on books rather than the happenings in the prison of late. It had been seven days since Alex had been sent to SHU. And Piper had never been more sure that what they had needed to finish. She was done being vulnerable and in love. Alex had never even told her she loved her.  
_'I heart you'._ Piper recalled the exchange vividly. Even then, when Alex had every reason in the world to say it, she just didn't. Maybe Larry was right. Maybe it wasn't love. Maybe their constant falling in and out of love, was really just two adults falling in and out of lust. She frowned, even as she told herself this, she didn't completely buy it.  
She wanted Alex, but there was so much tension and bad blood between them, maybe being together wasn't such a good idea after all. Yet, as life would have it, Piper had never been more sure of who she wanted. She just needed to figure out who she was first, and whether she could be a big enough person to love someone who had never told her they loved her in return.

Alex was led into the canteen by Mendez, several heads turned, inmates whispered and watched curiously. Pondering how much damage SHU had done to her. Alex maintained her composure. She had a brilliant poker face, and it was time she used it in prison. With her eyes meeting whoever dared stare at her, she headed to her room.  
"Welcome, welcome..." Pennsatucky announced. She nodded at Mendez who walked away. Alex simply stared at Pennsatucky. Pennsatucky knew what she had done. She sheepishly presented a tray filled with food to Alex, "I had this prepared by Red for your return."  
"This doesn't make us even." Alex said, taking the tray from Pennsatucky's hands.  
"I know it'll take more than a meal. I aint no fool, ya know?"  
Alex took a bite of the sandwich, savouring the textures.  
"That's a double negative. You just called yourself a fool."  
Pennsatucky shrugged, she perched on the edge of Alex's bed. Alex froze.  
"What're you doing? Get off my bed."  
Pennsatucky stood up quickly, "Sorry, I just... thank you, Vause. I owe you one."  
"I know." Alex replied, coolly. Pennsatucky studied her.  
"Anything I can do for you?"  
"Can you leave me alone for twenty minutes?"  
Pennsatucky obliged and headed out of the room. Alex took in a deep breath, savouring the cleaner air out here. She looked down at the food in her tray, then at the bed. Life really was made up of all the small amenities. Alex lay back down on her bed. She heard a slight rustle beneath her pillow. She frowned, reaching under it, she pulled out a brown paper bag. She opened the bag, inside was a bottle of rum with a note scribbled across the front, '_Welcome back Vause. Red'.  
_ For this glorious gesture, Alex loved Red. This was exactly what she needed. She unscrewed it and took a few long swigs. It got to her head instantly, she hadn't had this much rum this quick in a long time, understandably her tolerance had gotten lower. This of course was good news, as it meant she needed less for a kick, and thus the rum would last longer. She took a few more swigs, then screwed the lid back on and hid the rum down the side of her bed.  
"Hey..."  
Alex froze at the voice. It was the same voice she had been training herself not to care about.  
"Welcome back." Piper said, soft but distant. Alex studied her.  
"Thanks."  
Piper walked over to Alex and perched on the edge of her bed. Alex's heart began to pound in her chest. This wasn't good. No. Piper extended a friendly hand and squeezed Alex's. Alex pulled her hand away and shifted away from Piper, putting distance between them. Piper flinched.  
"Sorry. I just wanted to see you. I shouldn't have..." She stood up. She was torn, that much was clear.  
"I don't know what we are." Piper said, honestly. Alex kept her eyes on the ground. Piper sighed, "Will you say something?"  
Alex remained still. Silently chanting at herself to block Piper out.  
"Just...Lay your eyes on me. Look at me, Alex. Please." Piper's plea was a gentle and raw one. Piper hated herself for crumbling so quick, but if Alex didn't respond now, this was the last time Piper would let her guard down.  
"So this is it..." Piper declared, Alex lifted her head and looked at Piper. Their eyes locked, Piper looked disappointed more than angry, "Suit yourself. I'm sorry I cared. And I'm sorry I loved you. It was clearly a huge mistake." With that, Piper walked away, leaving Alex alone on her bed.  
Alex shut her eyes, wincing. This would have been much easier if she wasn't so attracted to Piper. It was as if there was no middle ground between the two, it was either absolute desire or repulsion, and they seemed to swing from one extreme to the other. But for the first time, though they were at the repulsion end of the spectrum, they were in sync. They were finally in sync.

Piper sunk back onto her bed, and batted her book aside in frustration. She noticed Pennsatucky walk by her room. She leapt to her feet, "Hey..." Pennsatucky sped up, alarmed. Not that Piper blamed her, their last altercation nearly killed Pennsatucky. Piper caught up with her as she rounded a corner and grabbed her by the arm, Pennsatucky put her arms up shielding her face.  
"Leave me be she-devil!"  
Piper scowled, rolling her eyes, "I just wanna ask you if Alex is okay..."  
"Vause? She's good people. She hides it well. But she's good people. Never would've thought she'd take the fall for me."  
"What?"  
"The drugs...they was mine, but the lord was on my side and sent Vause just in time—Vause showed up and saved me from Parker—"  
Piper's eyes widened, "And you blamed her?! Right after she saved your life?!"  
Pennsatucky shrugged, "Everybody thought it was her anyway-so did you, if I remember it right."  
Pennsatucky shrugged herself free of Piper's hold and hurried away. Piper remained glued to where she stood. Disbelief crept across her doe eyed features as a realisation dawned on her. She was an asshole. She was an actual asshole.

Alex sorted piles of clean clothes in the laundry room. She had drank one too many swigs of rum and wasn't sober enough to do her job properly. But she was terrific at faking it, so that was what she was doing.  
"I know you weren't the one doing drugs." Piper's voice interrupted Alex's pleasant boredom. Alex's eyes landed instantly on Piper's lips. She scolded herself and turned her gaze back to the clean laundry. Piper walked up to Alex, "Alex. I'm talking to you."  
Piper had never been a needy person, but for the first time in forever, she needed Alex to lay her eyes on her. To just look at her, how she used to.  
"I want to say I'm sorry. I'm a shit person. I'm a fuckin' shit person."  
"Harsh but true." Alex said, refusing to look at Piper. Piper tried to catch her eye, but failed. She walked around the machines to join Alex, Alex instantly became aware of the scent of Piper's shampoo. And she hated herself for it.  
_Get a grip_, she ordered herself.

Suddenly alarms blared throughout the prison, and Piper and Alex stared aghast as the door to the laundry room swung shut and automatically locked itself. It was protocol for emergencies.  
"Wait...are we locked in here...indefinitely?" Piper exclaimed, hurrying over to the doors and hopelessly trying them. They didn't budge.  
"Relax. I have rum." Alex said, a twinkle in her eyes. Yet she somehow managed not to look at Piper. Piper let out a defeated sigh, "Why can't anything just go right for once?"  
"Can I offer you a drink?"  
"Can it be a peace offering?"  
"I don't want to be your friend." Alex said, Piper tried not to wince at the sentence. She took the bottle and took several swigs, perhaps too quickly.  
"Then what do you want to be?" She asked, slamming her own eyes shut as the rum raced to her head.  
"I don't want to be your anything..." Alex said, as if it was the most nonchalant statement ever to have been spoken. Piper looked at her in an astounded and baffled silence. Alex slipped the bottle out of her fingers and drank.  
"Do you hate me that much?" Piper asked, her insides were too knotted up for her voice to be any louder. She blinked back tears as it sunk in. Alex was either clueless to Piper's anguish or she simply didn't care.  
"It's not hate." Alex said, in what could only be described as a comforting tone. Piper stared at her, struggling to make sense of what the hell this was. She knew Alex. She loved Alex, even though Alex was so damaged. But whatever Alex was doing right now, Piper didn't understand it—and perhaps Piper's heart was too soft to understand such brutal emotional detachment. Alex slid the bottle to Piper, who now moved over so she was sat shoulder to shoulder with Alex, their backs against the solid wall.  
"Then what it is...?" Piper breathed the words, before taking another swig of the rum. She wished she had a stronger drink. Alex's replies delivered a more crushing blow to her heart the more Alex spoke. But Piper couldn't leave this stone unturned. And at the same time, she could not react. Her head couldn't wrap itself around it.  
"I don't want to be attached to you. I don't wanna feel attached, you know?" Piper could smell the rum on Alex's breath, her words were laced with the faintest slur. And even when drunk, Alex was mesmerising to her. Devastatingly.  
"Sounds a lot like hate." Piper said, her voice hollow.  
Alex gave a half-bothered shrug, "I'm just tired..." Her longing eyes drifted to Piper's.  
"I want to kiss you." The words escaped Alex's lips as whispers. Piper just stared at her. Alex wanted to use her, just as she used rum, heroin and other substances.  
"Don't." Piper answered.  
Alex leaned her head against Piper's shoulder. Piper's heart began to pound. She silently hated herself for being so drawn to Alex. Alex pressed her lips against Piper's neck. Piper's eyes shut as she leaned in to Alex's touch. Hating herself more with the enjoyment of each soft kiss on her neck. Alex's nose grazed Piper's now. Piper let Alex kiss her, deeply. Slowly. Piper felt a familiar racing of her heartbeat as the kiss intensified. Piper suddenly pulled away. She couldn't do this.  
"Come on..." Alex urged in a teasing tone.  
Piper glared at her, unsure whether she was more hurt than furious.  
Didn't you hear what you just said to me?"  
It suddenly dawned on Alex, that perhaps she had been too honest. The dismay on Piper's face made her conscience writhe with discomfort.  
"What is _wrong_ with you?" Piper asked before getting up and walking over to the doors. Alex watched as Piper curled up on the floor, facing the doors.  
Alex winced, "I'm sorry." She confessed. Piper didn't respond, she kept her hurt gaze trained on the doors. She just wanted to get the hell out of this room. Away from Alex. Away from her head, and away from her heart. 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Piper was staring blankly at the ceiling when the sirens rang throughout the prison. She sat up, curious, just like everybody else was. She glanced across at the empty cot opposite hers. She hoped to god it wasn't another new inmate. She could barely stand herself, let alone another potentially psychotic inmate.  
As the inmates all peered at the exit doors in wait, Piper noticed how much and yet how little every woman in this place had changed since she got here. Her eyes locked with Daya's, the baby could pop out any day now, she gave Daya a nod. There was gossip, was it Bennett's or Pornstache's? Rumour had it she was playing both, but who knew? Truth was often stranger than fiction, or so Piper had observed. Her eyes landed on Nicky and Red, Nicky had her head pressed on Red's shoulder, in a mother-daughter way, it was sort of beautiful to see such a naturally occurring bond develop in circumstances like these. Then there was Morello, who was stood alone by her cot, and was glancing wistfully at Nicky. It seemed Nicky was no longer interested in pursuing Morello as she once had, and frankly it had made Morello realise what they had and what she lost because she insisted on being her fickle self. Piper tried not to shake her head at the women, she was nothing like them and yet they were all exactly the same. They all possessed certain resilience. It was the same quality that probably landed most of them in here, Piper mused. It was when her eyes landed on Alex that she found herself drowning in that sensation of miserable nothingness. The distance between love and absolute hate were surprisingly close, though she suspected this was more to do with how angry she felt at Alex.  
Alex didn't meet Piper's gaze, but laughed with Pennsatucky without a care in the world, it was something Piper never thought she'd witness. She wondered what they were laughing about. Piper wasn't bothered by the fact it was Pennsatucky, but she was more bothered about how Alex managed to even smile when things were so bad between them. It just didn't make sense. It pissed her off. It made her feel worthless. Alex noticed Piper watching. Alex's smile faded, Piper threw her a smirk then turned her eyes back to the doors, they reeled open. In marched Pornstache and Bennett, but no new inmate. The inmates all murmured amongst themselves. This wasn't normal.  
They marched over to Alex, Pornstache turned back to everyone and barked, "Nothing to see here. Get a move on!" The inmates returned to their usual activities, all except for Piper, Red, Morello and Nicky. The four exchanged inquisitive expressions, but each drew a blank.

Alex stared at Pornstache, "What?" She asked, unable to stomach his orders.  
"I said, pack your things. You're headed down to Farfield."  
"Why?" Alex demanded, "I haven't done any thing—"  
"We're running out of space, and Farfield specialise in drug types." Pornstache retorted. Bennett stepped in, interjecting firmly, "Do as the C.O tells you, inmate. It's not permanent. It's just while we sort a few transfers out."  
Alex's eyes landed on Piper. She allowed herself one last look at the blonde who had her by the heart, then slowly began to nod. Accepting that fate had finally chosen to part them.  
"Okay."  
Pornstache was already packing her things, Alex did her best not to glance at Piper, Morello, Nicky and Red. Piper's eyes were bursting with questions and concern, but perhaps this was a blessing in disguise, Alex figured.  
Maybe it was a sign or something, because whatever they had been doing here in Litchfield had proven to be nothing more than self-destruction. Alex felt tears sting her eyes, she silently scolded herself as she folded her vest tops. She was stronger than this, and she was right. She had to take this as a sign to move forward. 

Piper and the women stared as Pornstache and Bennett emerged from Alex's room with her things boxed up. Alex followed them out, she looked at Piper, as if she had a thousand things to say, but her lips remained still.  
"Wanna say goodbye to any one?" Bennett asked softly.  
Alex gazed at Piper, then simply said, "No."  
"Let's go."  
Bennett and Pornstache marched Alex out of Litchfield, inmates gasped and whispered in confusion, Nicky's objections echoed through the prison as she followed Pornstache all the way to the door. But Piper remained transfixed. She couldn't move. She didn't think to. Her world had temporarily stopped. All she could do was watch as Alex walked out those heavy doors. It was as if life had punched her hard in the sense, she felt it all and yet nothing simultaneously. To feel numb and to feel everything at the same time was almost dizzying. She watched the doors slowly slam shut behind Bennett. She shut her eyes as they thudded shut. Alex was gone. So quickly. So unapologetically. Alex was gone.  
"Don't worry," Nicky was saying, "They're always shuffling me to Farfield and back here again..." but Piper didn't care to understand. She was preoccupied feeling the agonising blow. Alex didn't even say goodbye.

As Alex climbed into the truck, her eyes drifted to the window. A part of her silently hoped Piper would appear at the window to the prison, but right now, in all their faces, she couldn't see the one face she needed to see. Piper hadn't bothered.  
Had Alex hurt her so much that one final glance didn't mean a thing? Her heart sank. She mustered a teary eyed smile at Taystee and the other distressed inmates as they watched her go.  
It was finally over. The pleasurable anguish Piper subjected her to, was over. She should have felt as if she could finally breathe... then why was it, that as Litchfield shrunk into the distance, Alex found herself feeling more and more suffocated? She was free now, wasn't she? Isn't this what she needed? Isn't this the sort of clean break away from Piper she had prayed for?


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen

Piper hated Litchfield. She hated it. She hated everything about it, from the tiled walls in the showers, right down to the grimy corners on the ground, she noted. It was simply hateful.  
_Really, fucking, hateful. _  
With Alex gone it had grown more unbearable than she ever imagined it could be. It finally felt like a prison, like she was trapped and biding her time until they let her out. That was how love hit you; it hit you hard and it hit you harsh. Then reality would sidle up to you as you lay on the ground defeated and kick you hard in the teeth.  
Piper glared at the queue through the shower curtain, she was sick of seeing their faces. She was sick of this place, she was sick of all of the crap that came with being in prison. Finishing her shower, she grabbed the towel, which she also hated, and wrapped it around herself.  
"Somebody took their time." Taystee commented, as Piper emerged from the small cubicle. Piper threw her a glare, Taystee threw her a giddy grin, "Ooh, girl, somebody's in a bad mood this morning!"  
A few of the other inmates sniggered, while Nicky simply watched Piper with her large curious eyes. Piper avoided her gaze and kept walking. She didn't need another freaking heart to heart, what she needed was to not be here. Without Alex, this place was awful. She wanted Alex back. She wanted to wake up in a hotel somewhere exotic and find herself beside Alex, and realise this was all just an awful nightmare.  
She wanted that so much.  
_Fucking Larry, _she thought bitterly. He was visiting her today. She didn't even want to see his face.

Larry waited at the table, as the sirens sounded he quickly stood. As Piper reached the table, he gave her a nod as a greeting. She simply glared at him and sat at the table. She kept her stubborn gaze on a blank part of the wall behind him. Larry frowned, "you okay?"  
"I'm prison, Larry. What do you think?"  
_Fucking Larry,_ she thought as she looked at him, _with his fucking face._  
"Wow, having a bad day, huh?" He asked unhelpfully.  
"No, Larry," she spoke with entirely with sarcasm, ensuring no letter was spared and even mistakenly interpreted as anything other than sarcastic.  
"I'm having a brilliant time in here. Just _terrific_!" She laughed, "It's not like Alex's been gone for a month, and I've read every book people sent me back when people cared, back to back. I've read them thrice, cover to cover. I can quote the barcode on the back of pride and prejudice. The fucking barcode Larry."  
"Jesus, calm down." Larry said, "so this is all because they separated you from your favourite play thing."  
Piper stared at him, hard.  
"Larry?" She asked, her voice low and disturbingly calm.  
"Yes, Piper?"  
"Would you like them to add 'murderer' to my charges in here?"  
Larry's eyes widened, he looked at the guard then back at Piper.  
Piper levelled him with a look, "I didn't think so."  
"You know what," Larry said, standing, "I'm going to leave early because you're in a foul mood today. My latest interview goes to print in five days. Look out for it. And I'll bring you some more books, with different barcodes."  
He left her at the table, sneaking back a nervous look at his angry ex. Piper didn't move, her arms were folded stubbornly, and her eyes were fixed on the blank wall.

"Chapman, you seen the new inmate? She's a transfer from Farfield." Red's voice said, Piper looked up from her uneaten food. She immediately scanned the dining hall. Red nodded to the far right of the room. That's when Piper saw her, the inmate her auburn hair and green eyes, she was gorgeous. And familiar, Piper frowned. Why was she so familiar?  
"Apparently we get another transfer this afternoon." Morello said. Nicky nodded, with a shrug she mentioned, "She's nice. Fuckin' hot as well." Morello, Red and Piper looked to Nicky. Nicky shrugged defensively, "what? I like to make the newbies feel welcome."  
"Of course you do." Morello remarked bitterly.  
"Hey, don't get me wrong. I tried my best, but she's hard to get."  
"She's from Farfield?" Piper asked.  
"You always have one thing on your mind, it's disgusting." Nicky quipped. Red gave Nicky a scolding look.  
"I meant Alex..." Nicky said with a smirk, "it's funny."  
"She's right, it sort of is." Morello chipped in.  
"Nobody asked you." Red said gruffly.  
"Jeez, relax Red." Nicky muttered.  
Red studied Piper, "oi, you okay?"  
Piper looked at Red, "I'm fine."  
"If you want, I can get these two to get lost?"  
"No, no, they're just playing around..." Piper said. Nicky and Morello glanced at Red, they knew Red was protective of the inmates she was fond of. They were just surprised Piper had become one of her favourites.  
"I worry about you." Red said kindly, she gave Piper's hand a squeeze, Piper gave Red a pained smile.  
"Thank you, Red."  
Red nodded, "why don't you go over there? See if she knows of Vause?"  
Piper shook her head, "no way."  
"What've you got to lose?" Red asked.  
"We don't even know what she's in here for-" Morello interrupted.  
"Man up, Chapman." Nicky instructed, "Shall I do it?"  
The women looked at Nicky.  
"I'll fuckin' do it." Nicky warned, the women just stared at her. Nicky stood from the table, "You pussies. You too, Red." With that she strolled over to the auburn haired beauty and gave her a casual smile, Piper watched as the gorgeous woman returned the smile and welcomed Nicky to her table.  
Piper stared. Red unfolded a large newspaper and pretended to read it, Piper and Morello disappeared behind the paper two. Within moments, three pairs of eyes peaked over the paper and across the room to Nicky and the new comer.  
The newcomer was laughing at something Nicky was saying.  
"I admit it, she's got a way with words." Morello noted.  
"What do you think they're talking about?" Piper asked, engrossed.  
"I have no clue—oh jesus, they're coming this way—"  
Red stared at the paper, and Piper and Morello cleared their throats and straightened up. Nicky gestured at the auburn haired beauty, "Piper, Morello, Red..." Red lowered her paper, and with the most sincerely surprised expression nodded at Nicky.  
"Oh, Nicky, hi." Red said. Nicky gave her a confused look, then brushed it off and continued the introduction.  
"This is Amber..."  
"Hi..." Amber said with a disarming grin that lit up the room.  
"Amber knows Alex." Nicky said cautiously.  
"Ah," Piper said, "how do you know Alex?"  
"She's my girlfriend." Amber said with a warm smile.  
Nicky and Morello's eyes widened. Red muttered Russian expletives beneath her tongue then turned back to her newspaper. 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen

Piper had nestled herself in a corner behind the tumble dryers and the wall in the laundry room. She had decided to take a break from prison and that gorgeous and frustrating Amber chick. She needed to force herself to not care about what or who Alex did. Besides Alex was in Farfield, so it wasn't her business. Amber was lovely; this is what Piper found most devastating. Amber was absolutely devastatingly lovely. Piper couldn't hate her if she tried, Amber was absolutely striking. It's no wonder Alex hooked up with her. But still, Piper couldn't help but feel a sense of betrayal.  
To know Alex had hooked up with somebody who was a better person than Piper, it just felt hurtful. It felt like a personal dig. Piper knew it was crazy to think that, she knew Alex had no say about Amber being moved to Litchfield, in fact, Alex would have an easier life if Piper didn't know about Amber at all.  
"Sucks about Amber, eh?" Nicky's voice broke the silence. Piper glanced up from her book, greeting the intruder with a sad smile.  
"Sort of, I guess." Piper mumbled, trying to lie as well as she could. Nicky studied Piper then flinched for her. She saw through Piper with a shrewd ease, it was Nicky's innate ability to see through people.  
"Who're you kidding?" Nicky asked, she sat atop the dryer and peered down at Piper. Her large eyes stared at Piper, scrutinizing her every move with a child like curiosity.  
"How're the stitches?" Piper asked, nodding toward Nicky's body.  
"Healing up. Its slow though, and irritating."  
Piper nodded. The pair fell silent for a few moments, nothing but the gentle whirring of the nearby washing machines could be heard. Piper lifted her head and peered up at Nicky.  
"You think I'm an idiot?"  
"More often than is fair, but about Vause and the ginger? Naw." Nicky said casually, "you do realise that Vause is just having some harmless fun with her, right?"  
Piper shrugged, "that's not the point."  
"Then what is?"  
"Nicky, she's been making love to Amber—"  
"Making love? Calm down. This aint some musical. Alex has just been hitting that, and honestly, can you blame her?" Nicky asked with a wink, "I mean, did you SEE her?"  
Piper stood up and tossed her book at Nicky, "worst pep talk ever, Nicky. Worst pep talk _ever_." With that, Piper stormed off. Nicky sighed, then called after her defensively, "I was just being honest...!"  
But Piper had already left earshot. Nicky examined Piper's book then raised an eyebrow at it. She hadn't read a book in a very long time, maybe she ought to try it out.

Piper stormed back into her room, she stopped in her steps and stared in disbelief at the new roommate she had acquired.  
"Hey, are you okay?" Amber asked from her cot. Piper opened her mouth to speak, but the words didn't come out.  
"We're roommate," Amber said with a small smile. Piper slumped onto her bed and faced the wall. She couldn't believe her luck.  
"Piper, that's your name right? Are you okay?" Amber's voice asked with soft concern. Piper inhaled deeply, then answered, "Fine, thanks."  
She felt a weight shift at the foot of her bed, Amber had perched beside her.  
"If you need someone to talk to..." Amber offered, warmly.  
"You said you were Alex's girlfriend?"  
"Well... her friend with benefits." Amber admitted with a playful smile. Piper sat up and studied her, "how is she?"  
"She's okay. She's... Alex; self-destructive to a fault but sexy as hell." Amber said, Piper studied her.  
"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question...?"  
"Be my guest," Amber replied. Her eyes lit up with childlike excitement in anticipation of scandal.  
"Who hit on who first?"  
"She hit on me." Amber answered. Piper winced, _that's how it is? Okay Alex._  
Piper nodded slowly, Amber frowned as she noticed Piper's discomfort.  
"Do you know her?"  
"No. No, God no."Piper said perhaps with too much enthusiasm, then stood up.  
"I need to go find my book," Piper sighed, "I don't remember where I left it. It was nice talking to you Amber."  
"You too." Amber replied with a sincere smile. Piper watched as Amber headed over to her own cot and curled up on her bed. Amber was absolutely irresistible.

"She's fuckin' irresistible!" Piper exclaimed at Nicky, who was in the laundry room now engrossed in Piper's book. Nicky reluctantly put the book down, "So do Darcy and Elizabeth hook up...or is it all just pretentious doth's and thou's?"  
"There are no doths and thous in there...can you even read?"  
"Yes." Nicky replied with a thoroughly offended look.  
"Sorry...Nicky," Piper said, the intensity in her voice made her shake, "Can you believe it? Alex hit on her first...Alex intentionally sought her out for sex!"  
"Chapman, I get your wounded pride won't let you be... but if Amber was unattached, every chick in this prison, be it straight or gay, would be hitting on her. You know it and so do I."  
"But Alex is better then that—"  
Nicky gave her an apologetic look, "apparently not. Besides, you're talking like Alex is the only woman you turned gay for."  
"Nobody _turns_ gay. People are just... people, and they just fall in love with whoever they fall in love with. Everything else comes in later."  
"Alright, alright, quit your preaching, my point is this... you can kick and scream all you want, but Alex has fucked that girl and probably enjoyed it."  
Piper stared at Nicky, she knew it was irrational and stupid, but her heart crumbled as Nicky continued to speak. Tears began to sting her eyes.  
"And the fact of the matter is, we're all adults. We can do who and what we want tom Chapman...Chapman?" Nicky queried, Piper blinked back tears and glanced up from the floor. Nicky's expression softened as she noticed Piper's teary eyes.  
"Sorry, Chapman. People suck. They freakin' suck and they'll bust your heart clean open if you let them."  
Nicky handed Piper her book back, Piper shook her head, and sniffed back tears.  
"No, you finish it. It's good."  
"Thanks...Hey Chapman," Nicky's laidback words were soothing, "Just move on. Don't think about her or Amber, condemn yourself from it. And just move on."  
"Is it that simple?" Piper asked sadly.  
"I can't make any promises but it should be." Nicky nodded. Piper slumped down on the ground and leant against the washing machine. Nicky lay back on top of the tumble dryers and continued to read.  
"Hey Nicky?" Piper asked after a moment.  
"Yea?"  
"Can I crash in your room?"  
"It would be an honour." Nicky quipped.  
"Thanks." Piper managed softly as she hung her head, and fought back the heartache that threatened to overflow.

Alex walked through Litchfield for the first time in months, her eyes took in all the familiar faces, various inmates nodded greetings at her. She smiled, Farfield had been a nice break but Litchfield was where she belonged.  
Alex came to a halt opposite Piper, Piper gave her a small nod. Alex held her gaze, letting her sharp gaze search Piper's. Alex found herself feeling wistful. It was easier to decide you didn't feel something for somebody when you didn't have to face them every day  
"Alex!" Amber's voice cut through the crowd, Alex felt alarm bells ring as she looked from Amber to Piper. Piper turned and walked away as Amber gave Alex a hug.  
"I'm so glad they transferred you here!"  
"So was I." Alex murmured, completely caught off guard. Her eyes scanned the crowd for any glimpse of Piper, but Piper was no longer amongst the inmates. She caught Red's disproving stare, then glanced at Nicky and Morello. Morello had her head on Nicky's shoulder, Nicky gave Alex an unimpressed look, then turned, leading Morello away from the crowd as she went.  
Amber went to give Alex a peck, without thinking, Alex pulled away.  
Amber gave her a confused look, Alex ignored it and turned to Taystee and Poussey.  
"Welcome back, girl!" Taystee celebrated, giving Alex a firm hug. 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter fifteen

Alex was sat with Morello as the two ate their lunch. Nicky was still in the queue, as was Piper . Alex watched Piper, then glanced down at her plate and fiddled with a piece of bread. Some thing was on her mind.  
"Amber's sweet." Morello managed between chomps, her eyes landed on Alex's; they had a strange way of being both delicate and direct, "so you fuckin' her?"  
Alex stopped playing with the piece of bread and stared at Morello in disbelief. The frankness was sometimes too much to deal with.  
"Jesus Morello. It's called privacy." Alex remarked taking a bite of her bread. Morello raised an eyebrow, "that a 'yes'?"  
"It's a 'none of your business'." Alex replied defensively. Morello chewed her food and eyed Alex. Alex swallowed the bread then studied Morello, "what?"  
"What about Piper?"  
"What about her?" Alex asked, making it clear the topic was starting to piss her off.  
"Jeez don't be so defensive, anyone would think you feel guilty or some thing..."  
"I hate this place." Alex muttered, tossing what was left of her bread onto the plate.  
"Sorry for asking, jesus." Morello said, equally frustrated.  
"How're things with Nicky?" Alex enquired, turning the tables. Morello studied Alex, considering trusting her or not, then decided to.  
"They aren't the same. She barely even looks at me."  
"Ouch."  
"Yeah, but there's something more hurtful about her being polite with me, than her confronting me. You know? It's like she just doesn't care to even fight for me, or with me. I don't know. I don't like it, that's all I know."  
"Why don't you bring it up?"  
"No. The only thing that'll hurt more than thinking she doesn't care anymore, is knowing it." Morello admitted, a sad look in her brown eyes. Alex nodded, "So have you guys been...?" She trailed off. Morello gave Alex a sheepish look, "Despite my efforts...no. Like I said, she just...doesn't wanna go down this road again. She thinks I'll bail if he ever gets in touch with me."  
"The fiancé?"  
"Ex." Morello corrected.  
"Well, will you?"  
"Honestly, I don't know."  
Alex sighed for Morello, the two glumly ate their food until Morello's eyes lit up.  
"What's she like?"  
"Amber? You've met her."  
"No, I mean in bed..."  
"This conversation isn't happening." Alex clarified.  
"Who's better, Piper or Amber?" Morello asked.  
"Yeah Alex," Nicky's voice said from behind them, "which one?" Alex and Morello turned around to find Piper stood beside a bemused Nicky. Piper turned on her heel and walked away.  
"Piper wait-" Alex began, but Piper kept walking. Alex got up and followed her, but Piper took shelter in Red's kitchen. Red stepped in Alex's way, "I think you should let her be for now, Vause." Red advised. Alex glanced over her shoulder at Piper who didn't even look back at her. Something wrenched inside her gut, the familiar swell of frustration and defeat Litchfield often filled her with, began brewing in her chest.  
"Eat your lunch." Red suggested, "your girlfriend is waiting." Red nodded past Alex's shoulder, Alex followed her gaze to find Amber sat with Nicky and Morello, laughing and talking. Alex groaned to herself, _this is bad_. She couldn't leave things like this with Piper.  
"Piper...will you just talk to me?" She asked, her voice desperate. Piper ignored her, while Norma threw a glare her way.  
"Oh screw this." Alex declared and pushed past Red. Norma instantly leapt to her feet, prepared to defend Red to the ends of the earth. Piper stood up too, "wait, wait, it's okay. Give us a minute." Piper said to Red. Red looked at Alex, the strong women locked eyes. Alex didn't falter and neither did Red.  
"Please." Piper requested from Red.  
"C'mon, Norma." Red instructed as she brushed past Alex, Norma followed closely behind. Alex let out a relieved breath, "look, Piper, -"  
"I'm over it, Alex."  
"If there's a chance in hell that we can be civil, then maybe you should calm down and hear me out—"  
"I said I'm over it. I'm done. Fuck being civil and fuck _you_." Piper said, forcing herself to keep it together as she stood her ground.  
Alex looked genuinely wounded, but Piper didn't care, nor did she want to.  
"You were in a big hurry to get yourself a girlfriend, well now you have one—"  
"She's not my girlfriend."  
"Tell that to Amber." Piper uttered.  
"Why're you being like this?" Alex tried.  
Piper scoffed, "being like what? Being offended that I was just a notch on your belt—"  
"I have _never_ said that—" Alex said firmly.  
"You didn't _have_ to. So go on, enlighten me, who was better in bed me or Amber?"  
"Listen to yourself. You're being ridiculous. Nicky was just messing around—"  
"With me. Alex. With my feelings, and _my_ heart."  
"A second ago you were over it." As the words left her lips, Alex instantly wished they hadn't. Something inside Piper changed. Her expression hardened and she locked eyes with Alex.  
"We're over. For good. Stay away from me."  
Alex stared at her, "You don't mean that."  
"Did I fucking stutter?" Piper asked, seething. Alex was at a loss for words, all she could do was watch Piper's change of heart sink in. Piper tossed her lunch tray aside and brushed past Alex, leaving Alex standing alone in her wake. Alex pressed her back against the wall and lowered herself to the ground. How did things always get this messed up between them?

Alex returned to the table where Nicky was sat with Morello and Amber.  
Noticing her withdrawn state, Nicky asked, "You alright Vause?"  
Barely noticing the question, Alex sat on the bench. Amber was sitting across from her on the table. She reached out and gently grazed Alex's chin, "lighten up." She quipped then leant across the table intending to kiss Alex. Alex pulled away and stood. Amber gave her a puzzled look, then glanced at Nicky and Morello.  
"I need some space." Alex managed.  
"What?" Amber asked, confused by the shift in her. Nicky gave Alex a concerned look, "What's going on?"  
Alex ignored her and began walking away, Nicky grabbed her arm.  
"Easy there, speedy—"  
"From everyone." Alex said coolly.  
Nicky let go of her arm and let her walk away. A distressed Amber turned to Morello and Nicky.  
"What's going on?"  
"Oh sweetheart, trust us, you don't wanna know." Morello sighed.  
"Try me." Amber suggested. Nicky glanced to Morello, who gave her a consenting nod.

Alex sat on her bed, and thought back to how they had reached this point. She thought back to the agony of Piper breaking her heart all those years ago, and how despite thinking she had gotten her power back, Piper had just managed to crush her again.  
It was her own fault. In trying so hard to get over Piper, Alex had pursued Amber, not thinking it would have implications like this. Alex expected to use Amber to get over Piper, and she knew just how heartless that seemed but she had to try it. She had to try something. Loving Piper was ruining her. In Alex's eyes, Amber was never more than a fling, a lustful tryst, but even that was something Alex had to convince herself of. The truth of the matter was crystal clear, Alex's heart had set on Piper and never let go. No matter what she did or said, no matter how hard she tried not to, she simply did. She loved Piper. That sort of love was terrifying for a person like Alex, it was crippling. And Alex had grown selfish in protecting herself, she would admit that. But she hadn't thought, even for a second, that Piper's anguish would outweigh her own suffering. This changed things.  
_What am I doing?_ She asked herself, she knew the answer inside out. She was being a coward, but in the end it was all she was good at. She would always keep herself safe. That's what got Piper in prison to start with, the fact that Alex was watching her own back. The danger of loving Piper as much as she did, was that Alex had often ended up covering Piper's back instead of her own.

Piper slumped onto her bed, she was furious. Who did Alex think she was? It was Piper's heart, and Piper would take it back. It was that simple. Enough was enough. Alex didn't get a free pass at hurting Piper however and whenever she could. Piper was no saint, but Alex certainly wasn't either.  
The fact that Alex had still sought somebody out to be unfaithful with, after Piper had told her how she felt, after Piper had told her how her fooling around with Nicky made Piper feel, and especially after being too much of a coward to tell Piper she loved her... it was just not okay any more. Somewhere along the line, the suffering had stopped being worth it. Piper only wished she had realised sooner than later, that she was being taken for a complete ride.  
Maybe this moment would have hurt a lot less, had she been more shrewd and selfish. Larry was using her for his own means, Alex was screwing around, and once again Piper found herself very much alone, but she was beginning to realise that she wasn't such bad company. She deserved better than this. Better than the cheating and the drama, and the double standards.  
Alex made Piper feel like a monster for breaking her heart _once_. But Alex had broken hers several times now, and let her down dozens of times lately. Piper scoffed sadly as she reminded herself that Alex had never told Piper she loved her.  
_I've been such a fool._ It was at that moment, Piper Chapman decided to move on and never look back. She had the will power to follow it through. And she would. 


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Alex sat on her bunk, toying with her glasses as she cleaned the lenses. Amber appeared by the entrance, she leant against it and looked at Alex. Alex glanced up at the interruption, she gave Amber an apologetic look. Amber tossed a magazine at her, Alex caught it and opened it on the page that had been folded over. She stared at Larry's interview, the way he had announced her and Piper's dirty laundry so bluntly on the page stung.  
_What an asshole..._ Alex couldn't help but look to Amber, Amber glared at her.  
"You're a real piece of work." Amber declared then walked away. Alex turned back to the interview, that was when her eyes landed on it. On Larry's words, explaining to the world how there was an inmate his ex was in love with, and had risked so much for, and professed her love for, but the inmate had never even reciprocated. Not even once. That inmate was Alex.

Alex rolled up the magazine and stormed out of her room. She was furious, and pissed off. She entered Piper's room. Piper was in the middle of getting dressed, she pulled on her shirt and looked at the uninvited guest. Alex tossed the magazine at Piper.  
"_This_ is not okay."  
"What?" Piper asked, with a puzzled expression. She began leafing through the magazine.  
"You can hate me all you want, okay? You can do what ever you want, but how you think it's okay to talk about something so _personal_ so publicly is messed up, Piper."  
"What're you talking about? And by the way, this..." Piper pointed at Alex, then at her room, "this does not fall in line with staying away from me."  
"I'm none of Larry's business. _WE_ are none of his business."  
"Oh come on, what do you care?" Piper said flippantly as she found the interview, "he's just telling readers how things are in here—"  
"This is our _life_. I'm not okay with this." Alex said firmly.  
Piper scoffed, "oh please, he hasn't named you. Anyway, everything in this is true, he hasn't lied."  
Piper rolled up the magazine and offered it back to Alex, Alex looked from Piper's extended hand to Piper. Piper frowned, "what?"  
"You think I never loved you?"  
Piper gave Alex a half hearted shrug, doing her best to pretend not to care.  
"It's not like you didn't have the opportunity to say it, Alex."  
Alex fell silent, Piper studied her face, it was hard to read. Piper couldn't tell if Alex was about to scold her or apologise.  
"It's ironic that it took Larry to do something, in order for us to talk."  
As Piper spoke she noticed Alex was fighting back tears, "Right?" Piper added with a smile, in hopes of preventing Alex's anguish.  
"What's ironic is the only person I've ever loved, never realised how much I loved them." Alex's words hit Piper like a punch to the stomach. Unable to stand close to Piper without breaking Alex walked out of Piper's room. Before Piper could even process or react to Alex's astounding confession, Piper was left in the wake of Alex's revelation, and it came in the most disarming way Piper could imagine. And for that, she hated Alex.

Alex stalked through the prison, her eyes were locked on the fire escape that led to the court yard. She needed some air, she felt like she couldn't breathe, it was as though her entire world pulsated along with her pounding heart, leaving her restless and trapped. Bursting out into the courtyard, Alex took in a deep breath and ran both hands over her face.  
_Get a grip._ She ordered. Her eyes scanned the lush greenery as her mind raced. Prison was harder than she could have imagined. And she was all out of heart now. She had nothing left to fight for or care for. She was at rock bottom.  
"I've been looking for you," Amber's voice came softly, "Sorry I reacted like that. I didn't know you two had a history."  
"I should have told you." Alex confessed.  
"The article said she loves you."  
"Apparently so." Alex answered bitterly.  
"Do you... you know?" Amber asked gently.  
"I used to. More than I thought I could."  
"Wow..." Amber said softly, she glanced at Alex, "and now?"  
"Oh she's finished with me. That's it. It's over."  
Amber nodded then asked Alex the most important question Alex had ever been asked. "Are you finished with her, though?"  
Alex studied Amber, "Yeah. I don't really have a say in the matter."  
Amber scoffed at the response, Alex studied her for a few moments.  
"Amber, I'm sorry." She said after a beat. Amber gave her a soft smile, then tiptoed close and pecked her on the lips.  
"Don't be. We had fun." Amber smiled.  
Alex nodded, and let out a sad laugh, "You know, I think she's actually grown to hate me."  
Amber studied Alex, "She doesn't hate you." With that, Amber headed for the doors and disappeared into the prison. Alex leant against the fence and stared out at the endless fields, and world. She longed to be free. She needed to remember how it felt to be out there. _Life is bigger than Piper, don't forget that._  
"Vause?" Luschek's voice came as an irritating disturbance. Alex glanced at him, ensuring her expression had nothing but utter disdain written on it for him to see.  
"I see you're feeling like you're lovely self today." He muttered.  
"What do you want?" Alex asked, she didn't have time for this prick.  
"The storage cupboard needs organising. Rotate the old stock, put the new stuff near the back and bring the old stuff forward. Throw out really old boxes, and mop and dust it."  
"Why me?"  
"Because you're the only inmate using the courtyard when it's off limits."  
Alex glared at him. Luschek shrugged, "don't shoot the messenger."

Alex tried the keys in the storage room door, much to her surprised it was already unlocked. She headed inside and locked it from the inside. She didn't need unexpected guests right now. Maybe cleaning out the old storage room wasn't so bad. She took in a deep breath and shut her eyes. _Finally some alone time, _she thought with an air of anticipation and relief. Being in close quarters with Chapman twenty-four-seven was driving her crazy.  
She had never told someone she loved them before, and she loathed Piper for making her fucking say it. Being attached to somebody made her hate herself. She felt weak, and that was the one thing she couldn't stand being. Unfortunately for Piper, Alex rarely remained hurt, she would quickly evolve straight to angry rather than dwell on being hurt.  
She heard a soft humming behind her. She frowned, _who am I locked in here with?_ She wondered. She turned around to find Piper with headphones on, humming along to a song while rotating the stock and organising piles of tinned food. Alex stared at the blonde.  
_There is a God, and he really hates me_. Alex concluded. 


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter seventeen

Piper grumpily shelved the boxes in the other half of the room, the way she slammed them onto the shelves made no secret just how little she wanted to be locked in here with Alex.  
Alex tried to ignore it, and sorted through the stock. She focused on the task at hand, not wanting to engage in conversation with Piper, not even by mistake. Not now that Piper knew how Alex really felt. Alex didn't want an apology, nor did she want to make up, she just didn't want anything. She had shut her heart off from taking over like she usually let it when Piper was involved.

Piper glanced at Alex, avoiding the topic was one thing but the way Alex was acting like Piper didn't even exist was a whole other level of plain infuriating.  
Of all the ways Alex could have stepped up and told Piper she loved her, this was definitely not what Piper had in mind.  
And it pissed her off. Because now it all meant that Piper was the jerk. Alex was no saint, but Piper hadn't exactly made it easy for Alex to be forthcoming. Yes Piper had professed her love for Alex, but followed it up with how much she also hated her. Then she had chosen Larry over Alex, then Alex had gotten sent to SHU for Piper..._Urg_, just thinking about it all left Piper with a headache. Now that Larry had publicly spoken about Piper and Alex, Alex was definitely done with Piper. Piper knew how private she was. Getting an intimate insight into the workings of Alex's mind was like drawing blood from a stone. And Piper had done it. She had drawn blood from the proverbial stone, and made a mess of it and allowed Larry to speak publicly about it.  
A gnawing unease began drifting through Piper as she snuck another look at Alex, who silently sorted through the stock. She had blown it with Alex. Heck, they both had blown it in a big way. And it was over. The finality of it all made Piper feel ...scared. It sent ripples of resistance through her. She longed to resist it being over with, every cell in her body told her that this couldn't be it. Whether she wanted it to be over or not, this simply couldn't be it. Piper didn't know what she wanted, there wasn't a lot she did want. Her mind drifted back to Alex's words when they grew close when she first got to Litchfield, '_Well, I think that when you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away.'_  
_Inevitable._ Piper recalled the way she had described her feelings about them to Alex. That was what they were. Two forces of nature that were inevitable; fate, circumstance, something would somehow always toss them back together again. And it was driving her crazy. It felt magnetic. Simply standing at two opposite sides of the same room intentionally felt unnatural and wrong. They weren't made to hate each other. Piper truly believed that. But after all the damage they had caused one another, was there anything more than hate left to feel?

Alex could feel Piper's eyes on her. She purposely didn't look her way. Alex was beginning to dread even looking at Piper, she was afraid if she locked eyes with Piper for a moment too long, she'd fall all over again.  
It was the fear of falling back into that toxic magnetism that kept Alex focussed on the stock. She picked up a box and stuffed it onto the shelf then began rifling through the next box. Every time she got herself tangled up in Piper, when it would end it would destroy a piece of her, and Alex feared there was very little left to destroy.  
"Hold on just one minute!" A southern drawl cried in protest, Alex and Piper exchanged a concerned look. Keys jangled in the door, within moments Pennsatucky was pushed into the room by Bennett, followed closely behind by Crazy eyes.  
"I'm gonna cut her up!" Crazy eyes declared. Bennett wasn't having any of it.  
"How was I meant to know the bleach wasn't meant for her hair!? It did nawt say it on the bottle! It was an accident!" Pennsatucky protested.  
"That's enough inmates! You either learn to get along, or you're both off to SHU."  
"C'mon! The bitch poured bleach on my hair! I'm gonna be bald! And if I'm bald, then she's dead!"  
"You asked for bleach and I gave you some!" Pennsatucky said.  
"When I return, this store room better look fantastic!" Bennett roared, surprising the usually loud inmates. They fell silent.  
Piper stared at Pennsatucky and Crazy eyes then looked to Alex, who had the expression of someone who had just stepped in a pile of crap.  
"Are we in hell...?" She asked softly.  
"Looks like it." Alex answered.  
"Hey dandelion," Crazy eyes said politely, a hint of sadness in her eyes.  
"Hi." Piper managed nervously.  
"This aint hell, because I'm here and my destiny is heaven." Pennsatucky proudly announced.  
Alex felt something die inside as she stared at Pennsatucky.  
"If there's a god, kill me now." Alex muttered.  
Pennsatucky smirked as Crazy eyes touched her head and winced. Unfortunately for the wiry inmate, Crazy eyes spotted the smirk. Within seconds Crazy eyes had Pennsatucky pinned down on the ground and was trying to strangle her. Alex and Piper ran to her aid.  
"Stop it! Break it up!" Piper shouted, while Alex pulled Crazy eyes off Pennsatucky.  
"Pennsatucky, you stay in that corner and sort through the shelves!" Piper ordered.  
"She said it was an accident." Alex explained to Crazy Eyes.  
"She also said the drugs were yours." Crazy eyes answered. On hearing this, Piper glanced at Alex. She felt like a prick, she should have trusted Alex more.  
"Yeah well, she says a lot of things. She's stupid, look at her..." Alex and Crazy eyes looked at Pennsatucky, who gave Piper a look of protest, Piper gave her a warning look.  
"But I don't think she's stupid enough to start a fight she'll lose. Are you?" Alex turned to Pennsatucky.  
"Naw...naw, I'm not that stupid." Pennsatucky answered, her eyes obediently on the ground.  
"Then it's settled. The sooner you get the store room sorted, the sooner he'll let you both out." Piper added, then walked over to Alex. She cast a sheepish look at Pennsatucky and Crazy eyes, who were now slogging away at their given jobs.  
"What're you doing?"  
"You have the keys?" Piper whispered, Alex handed them to Piper. Piper took the keys then led Alex by the hand and as quietly as possible, she unlocked the door. Alex's eyes widened in surprise, "Don't be a pussy." Piper said, Alex glanced back at the blissfully unaware inmates they were leaving behind. Once outside, Piper locked the door.  
"Come on..." Piper instructed, Alex followed her closely behind.  
"Where're we going?"  
"We're taking solace in the house of God." Piper quipped. Alex frowned as they entered the chapel, it was empty.  
"They've made it off limits while they wait for an electrician."  
Piper sat on a pew, with her knees up and her back pressed against the arm. Alex headed up to the confessional booth, "where you going?" Piper asked.  
Alex emerged with a brown paper bag, and gave Piper a wink, "if we're gonna get in trouble, we may as well earn it."  
"Tell me that's wine..." Piper said desperately. Alex grinned at the excitement in Piper's eyes.  
"Close. We have whiskey."  
"urgh, gross."  
"But it does the job. So man up." Alex announced, pouring the whiskey into the small tin lid she offered it to Piper. Piper scoffed, batting her hand aside. She took the bottle and drank from it. Alex laughed. Piper offered her the bottle, Alex took a swig then shut her eyes. She took in a deep, relaxing breath. Piper couldn't help but smile as she watched Alex let her guard down and blow off some steam. Alex opened her eyes, and caught Piper smiling at her.  
"What?" the inmate asked.  
"Nothing...It's nice to make you smile."  
"For once..." Alex muttered sarcastically, Piper gave her an offended look, then playfully hit her arm.  
"I mean it." Piper said, Alex kept her eyes on the ground. Piper gently touched her hand, Alex pulled it away and took another swig. Piper managed to catch her eye, Alex steeled herself, allowing herself to hold Piper's gaze.  
"Alex, I really mean it."  
And just like that, their eyes locked alongside their hearts. Alex felt herself falling for Piper again. She didn't dare speak, afraid of what was happening. She offered Piper the bottle again. Piper took a swig this time, wincing as the taste of whiskey assaulted her taste buds.  
"This is nice." Alex managed, doing her best not to let herself fall any deeper into her feelings for Piper.  
"Here's to us." Piper held up the bottle. Alex clinked the lid against the bottle.  
"To us..." Alex said with that playful glint in her eye that Piper had longed to see for weeks now. 


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: _Thanks for the reviews guys, they make my day. Hope you guys enjoy the next chunk..._

Chapter eighteen

It was the way Daya's head hung as she was wheeled back into the prison. It was a posture Red had seen several times in women returning from giving birth. It was the posture of a woman who had been separated from her child, just moments after giving birth.  
Diaz, amongst half a dozen other inmates surrounded Daya and wheeled her into her room, leaving Bennett stood alone at the exit. He looked lost as he glanced around at the prison. It was as though the young C.O. was finally realising having the mother of his child in prison was hardly ideal. Red sighed, shaking her head. This wouldn't end well, that much she knew. Bennett was a good man, but one who always kept himself in the authority's good books. Red doubted he could take much more bending before he snapped. But that was exactly what having a child would do to him, and that was the problem. Daya wasn't one of her girls though, so it wasn't her place to interfere. That was up to Diaz and the others.

"God, Larry. I didn't realise that anything I said to you would be publicly broadcasted."  
"That's not fair. I asked you—"  
"Asked?!" Piper scoffed, "No, Larry. You didn't really ask though, did you?"  
Larry gave her the most unapologetic look he could manage, "Piper, you knew I was going to do the interviews."  
"Then...we should have a code... you know? To separate the confidential stuff from the stuff you turn into cheap drama ... and live off." She said the last three words slowly, she wanted to hurt Larry as much as Larry had hurt Alex. It worked, Larry's cheeks reddened.  
"I sometimes wonder why you aren't behind bars. You're sort of a thief. Stealing pieces of my life and selling it on for yourself."  
"That's enough Piper, you get a bigger commissary as a result, and you know it."  
Piper studied him, she had struck a nerve. Larry hated being seen as a failure, but in all honesty, he was just that. A failed writer.  
"How're things with Alex?"  
"Civil, actually." Piper admitted, "but I don't wanna talk about Alex."  
"No-you don't want me to write about Alex."  
"Same thing." Piper rebutted, "why don't you write about the harsh laws that separate mothers from their newborns minutes after they've given birth? Surely that's more substantial than documenting my love affairs and scandals?"  
Larry studied her, something shifted in him.  
"You don't think I can swing a serious topic?" He asked, fishing.  
"I didn't say that."  
He gestured at the glint in her eyes, "You just did!"  
Piper folded her arms and shrugged. Larry was fuming, he stood up and stared at Piper, "I can swing it...You'll see. It'll get just as much credit as the articles about you."  
With that, Larry stalked out of the visitation chamber. Piper smiled at the empty seat at her table then sighed, knowing she had just thrown Larry into turmoil. But he deserved it...Piper had taken time to really reflect on the role he played in helping her during such a bad time, and had realised that he hadn't helped. At all. He knew he had some control and he abused it to use her.  
Piper's eyes drifted around the room, she smiled at the inmates and their visitors. The visitation room was possibly one of her favourite places in the prison. It served as a window to the outside world for a lot of the inmates. Of course, it came second to the chapel. She would never forget that chapel. What transpired between Piper and Alex was an intoxicating culmination of emotions that left Piper feeling truly alive for the first time in years. Only Alex could have that effect on her.  
Her eyes landed on Alex who was smiling and laughing with a woman Piper didn't know, but recognised. Piper watched as the woman's hand lingered on Alex's. Alex smiled then pulled her hand away. Piper's smile faded as she watched the exchange. The blonde at the table stood up. It was time for her to leave. Piper let out a sigh of relief until the woman embraced Alex. The way their embrace seemed to linger bothered Piper. She found it irksome.  
Nicky appeared by Piper's shoulder, "who we stalking goldilocks?"  
Piper didn't take her eyes off Alex and the blonde, who were still in an embrace.  
"Who hugs for_ that_ long?!" Piper whispered to Nicky, exclaiming.  
"Vause is such a dog." Nicky said, more as a sign of respect and admiration than an insult. Piper looked incredulously at the pair, "They're _still_ hugging...I mean, doesn't she have a life outside of Litchfield? She must have things to do."  
"You're terrible." Nicky muttered as she rested her elbow on Piper's shoulder and leant on it. Shrugging Nicky off, Piper stood up from her seat, her eyes glued to the women. As the blonde left the visitation hall, Alex turned and looked at Piper and Nicky. Piper quickly looked away, doing her best to appear casual as though she hadn't witnessed a thing.  
Alex threw Piper a civil smile before heading back inside.  
Nicky looked at Piper, "so are you...or aren't you...?"  
Piper looked at her expectantly, unsure where Nicky was headed with the question... "Fucking." Nicky clarified loudly.  
"Jesus, Nicky, I'm slow not deaf!" Piper cast a weary look around, nobody was listening. She turned to Nicky, "that's the thing...I don't know."  
"If you're fucking? That's sorta messed up. They offer counselling for that sorta thing here."  
"No," Piper explained, "Fucking is far, far, away, like.. it's in a far away land that I may or may not be in."  
"Aaand you've lost me."  
"We're like... civil acquaintances with chemistry." Piper tried.  
Nicky nodded slowly, as though it was the simplest thing in the world, "So...You don't know where you stand?"  
Piper nodded, relieved and glad that Nicky clicked on.  
"Jeez, Chapman, why didn't you just say that to start with?" Nicky looked exasperated, "you gotta be careful handling a chick like Vause... After how bad you messed her around for that Larry guy, you can't just pick up where you left off."  
"So...what do I do?"  
"I don't know. Problem is, she doesn't have faith in you. Because...you know..." Nicky trailed off. Piper listened intently then gestured at Nicky to elaborate.  
"Well, you're a bit of a dick." Piper gaped at Nicky, "Don't do that, don't look all hurt and offended. Face up to it, be straight up and apologise. Then leave the ball in her court. Maybe you can be sorta friends..."  
Piper sighed, "I don't wanna be sorta friends."  
"Then what do you want?"  
"I don't know..." Piper admitted. For her it was either they were together, or nothing at all. Anything would be more bearable than this bizarre limbo she had found herself in. But she knew that was unfair and unrealistic.  
"Chaps, you can't walk around breaking hearts then insisting they take you back as if it never happened."  
Piper sighed, "I never thought I'd say this Nicky...in fact, I never thought any one on the planet would ever, even by mistake, say what I'm about to say... but you're right." She groaned then ran her hands over her face, thinking of ways to apologise.  
"You're as bad as each other. It's kinda why you're perfect for each other." Nicky said with a shrug. Piper noticed the vaguest hint of wist in Nicky's tone.  
"How's things with Morello?" Piper pressed, gently.  
Nicky rolled her eyes, "She used to be a mess, but having been dropped by her for that ex of hers about a dozen times now, I finally saw sense...I don't trust her. And I don't trust that I can be with her and she won't just get up and bail again. Besides..." Nicky's words came out softer now, "After nearly visiting the all mighty, what with the kidney debacle... i realised that life is too short to do things you're unsure of. Go for what you want, and swing hard. If it pans out, awesome. If not, regroup and go elsewhere. Honestly, I reckon you and Vause have a real chance. You just gotta be a straight shooter like her."  
"You have a heart of gold, you know that?"  
"No, I have a heart of cocaine."  
Piper smiled at Nicky. At times Nicky was the sweetest person in Litchfield. She was the most authentic but hid it well behind a demeanour of playful banter.  
"You really think I should apologise?"  
"Definitely. But she should apologise too. What she did just don't fly. It's not okay."  
Piper gave Nicky an uncertain look, "I don't know. What if I bring it up and she just get more pissed off..."  
"Give her some credit." Nicky said with an exhausted frown.  
Piper nodded, "and you know, she did sort of say she loves me...in like a totally not positive way...but it still counts... right?"  
"It troubles me that I sound like the more sober party during out little chats. What do you mean she said it in a not positive way?"  
Piper frowned, confused, "I was mad, then she got ... more...mad and sort of threw it at me, to knock me down a few notches. It worked." Piper said with a hint of shame.  
"I didn't think Vause knew how to love...I mean, I sorta hoped someday someone would tame that wonderful specimen, but jeez... you two just...god it's so perfect but so fucking messy."  
"That's the problem."  
"Apologise. You'll thank me later."  
With that, Nicky walked off into the prison, leaving Piper alone in the visitation room.  
Piper glanced at the table where Alex and the blonde had sat before she left. Perhaps the hardest part of being in love, was how unnatural it felt for that love to have to end. Perhaps that was why Piper couldn't stop herself from still being in love with Alex. Let alone stop herself from wanting Alex, and missing her.  
Lately she would find herself wondering how she had managed to go almost a decade without seeing Alex, even once.

Mendez stepped into Daya's room. Aleida Diaz, who the other inmates simply referred to as Diaz, stood up protectively. She threw Mendez a disproving look. Mendez clutched a brown paper bag, Daya looked up at him. He gave Diaz a look, hinting at her to leave. She threw him a scowl and didn't move, until he adjusted his C.O. badge.  
"I'll be right outside if you need me," Diaz assured Daya, Daya nodded.  
Mendez sat on the edge of Daya's bed, "You must be tired." Mendez tried. Small talk wasn't his strong suit.  
"No shit, Sherlock." Daya replied. She noticed him flinch, then nervously fiddle with the paper bag, "what did you bring?"  
"I got you some snacks and books... like, parenting ones. And one on how to cope during separation from your child..." He opened the bag and fumbled through the contents, Daya watched him in mild disbelief.  
"It's meant to be good."  
"Thank you, Mendez." He replied. Daya studied him, she wasn't used to seeing his softer, less repulsive side.  
"Don't thank me. I was worried about you."  
"Well, I'm okay."  
He fell silent and glanced at his black boots, then cleared his throat, "So, can I see the baby?"  
Daya looked apprehensive, "why?"  
"I just... it's yours, you know? It's your _baby_." A goofy smile appeared on his lips, "I just want to see if it's as adorable as it's momma."  
Much to her own surprise, she felt her cheeks redden, "Can I think about it?" She asked, he nodded, almost too eagerly.  
"Of course. Of course." He cleared his throat, "I got them to make sure your meds and vitamins are all the right dosages for post-natal women." He nodded, "but if anything feels off...just let me know?"  
He asked gingerly, Daya gave him a grateful smile. He took her hand and gave it a small squeeze.  
"Thanks Mendez, it means a lot."  
Mendez shrugged as if it was the smallest thing in the world, then stood up and headed out her room. He cleared his throat and gave Diaz a brisk nod, then stalked to the C.O. bubble, from where Bennett watched curiously.  
Diaz entered the room and studied her daughter, "what'd he get you?"  
"Just some books and stuff, to make sure I'm coping okay after the baby."  
Diaz nodded, then fell silent for a beat.  
"Cesar will bring her with him next week during visitation."  
"I miss her already," she confessed.  
Diaz gave her a warm smile, "She's in safe hands for now. So how's things with Bennett?"  
"Haven't really seen him since he brought me back to Litchfield."  
Diaz gave her a knowing look.  
"He's been busy..." Daya said defensively.  
"Mmmhmm. He had plenty of time before."  
Daya gave her mother a look. Diaz simply shook her head and sat on her own bed.  
"John's a good man." Daya said.  
"You wanna know if somebody is a good person? Don't look at what they do when things are good, look at what they do when things get hard."  
Daya glanced at her mother; her mother had done a lot wrong in Daya's life, but one thing she was always right about was men.

A knock at the doorway made Alex look up from a book she was reading, "Are you lost?"  
Crazy Eyes looked sheepishly at the brunette, "I read the interview by Dandelion's dude..."  
Alex pursed her lips and waited to hear Crazy Eyes out.  
"I just wanna say, I'm sorry."  
"For what?" Alex asked, accidentally brusque. Crazy eyes fidgeted with her hands as she spoke, her eyes were trained on the ground, "that you were suffering. Inside. Anyway, take care of yourself, Specs."  
With that, the often mocked inmate headed for the doorway, Alex lowered her book. There was something sincere and very touching about Suzanne's condolences.  
"Suzanne?"  
Crazy Eyes turned and look at Alex.  
"Thanks."  
Crazy Eyes' face lit up with warmth, "You're welcome, Specs."  
Watching Crazy Eyes walk away with a spring in her step made Alex smile to herself. It didn't take much, yet she managed to cheer somebody up. It was a nice feeling. She turned back to her book, a second knock drew her attention. She looked up to see Piper, who stood uncomfortably by the doorway. Alex shifted on her bed, she sat up.  
"Hey." She said, her eyes watching Piper's every move. She knew that look, it was the look Piper always wore after realising she was wrong about something. Like the time with the body butter allergy, or the time in Bali on the beach with the coconuts.  
"Can I come in?" Piper enquired.  
"You're sort of already in... but sure."  
Alex put down her book, resigning to the fact she wouldn't get much further.  
"What's up? Or, more accurately, what's _wrong_?"  
Piper remained stood opposite Alex. It felt awkward. She was so used to sitting on the bed and cosying up to Alex, that when there was distance between the two of them, it was just odd.  
"Nothing's wrong." Piper assured her, perhaps too enthusiastically.  
"O-kay..." Alex said slowly.  
"Look, Alex... I don't know how else to say this, so I'm just gonna go for it. We're stuck, here. And how I spent the last eight years of my life without you, I don't know. Because now you're here, in my life, it's not that I don't want to imagine it without you. It's that I_ can't _imagine it without you." Alex's heart began to pound, she didn't know what to make of the confession. Piper's cheeks reddened, she was petrified.  
"I ... I am _so_ frustratingly, infuriatingly, in love with you that no matter what we do or say, I end up finding my way back to you. And I'm so sorry. For all of my bullshit. For _all_ of it."  
As her last words hung in the air between them, Alex stared at her in a stunned silence. Piper wasn't sure whether to prompt her for a reply or just leave. Alex held her gaze, Piper noticed her breathing turn shallow. She was nervous beyond comprehension. She had just laid her heart out on the line. And Alex hadn't said a word.  
"Okay. Well... great talk. See you around." Piper said quickly, then walked out of Alex's room.  
Alex found herself glued to the bed, every muscle in her body forced her to stay put. _Don't fall for it.  
_But a nagging restlessness ate at her heart then her nerves, she glanced up at the empty doorway. Her head and heart were in confused knots. She had to do something. She couldn't just leave it like this, could she? 


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Piper stared down at her food, it had been three days since the brave speech she gave Alex. And in typical defensive Alex manner, Alex had been avoiding her since. Piper felt annoyed, not that she could be blamed, after all, she had literally laid her heart on the line for what? For Alex to then ignore her for the rest of their stay here?  
_Great. I hate this place._ She twirled her fork and toyed with the mashed potato.  
"You gonna eat that?" Nicky asked.  
"probably not." Piper confessed, Nicky helped herself to Piper's food. She troughed down the mash.  
"That...is disgusting." Piper said. Nicky shrugged, "I love potato. Can't go wrong with them."  
Piper sighed, deflated.  
"You guys!" Morello exclaimed as she hurried over to their table, "you guys!"  
"What?" Piper asked begrudgingly. Seeing Morello's joy managed to piss her off even more.  
"He's decided to give the engagement another go...I'm getting _married_!"  
"Again?" Piper and Nicky asked incredulously.  
"Again." Morello beamed at them, "Anyway, I gotta go use the phone and tell the printer to make the invites!"  
"Fuck me..." Nicky sighed in disbelief. Piper didn't speak, she just stared at her now empty tray of food.  
"It's fuckin' pathetic, to think the feminist fought for her rights for what? So she could be unbelievably stupid and let this guy walk all over her? It'd be sad if it wasn't so fuckin' embarrassing..." Nicky got up and stormed off. Piper sighed as she watched Nicky go, Nicky was furious and Piper didn't blame her. People were disappointing, that was something she had learnt. About herself, and everyone she knew. They were fully grown, irresponsible disappointments.  
"Is this seat free?" Amber's voice cut through Piper's pessimism.  
"Yeah." Piper said, she sat up and ran her hand self-consciously through her hair as she watched Amber. She always forgot what a stunner Amber was, Amber smiled softly at Piper, "so how's things?"  
"Not great."  
Amber nodded then ate her food, after a moment she glanced at Piper.  
"You and Alex... are you two...?"  
"No." Piper said firmly, "we're definitely not. I inadvertently made sure of it." She scoffed, shaking her head.  
"Good..." Amber said softly, "because I really like you."  
Piper stared at Amber, she felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Piper wasn't sure what to make of it, did Amber just hit on her?  
"What about Alex?"  
"She'll get over it, we were strictly a friends with benefits type thing. You're more my type..."  
Piper studied Amber, unsure of how she felt about the idea. Amber reached out and ran her hand gently over Piper's. The woman was good with her hands. Piper's cheeks reddened, she pulled her hand away, unsure what to say.  
"Thank you..."  
Amber winced while smiling, "That's not a no..."  
"No." Piper said surprising herself, "No it's not."  
"Great." Amber replied. Her eyes locked with Piper's as the two women shared a small smile. Piper stood up from the table, what was she doing?  
"I should go, I need to go and hand in my laundry."  
"See you round." Amber said. Piper turned and walked away, feeling a lot like a giddy teenage girl. She could Amber's eyes on her. Piper glanced back at the gorgeous woman, she had never been with another woman before. She had only been with Alex, but then that was all she ever wanted. Nothing else made sense to her other than loving Alex. Of course there was the Larry situation, but being in prison had forced her realise that she had simply used him as a ladder to climb up and out of her own heartache and denial about Alex and what they were doing all those years ago.

Alex studied Mendez, "What're you saying?"  
"I'm saying they want more." He replied, with the softest hint of apology in his tone.  
"I gave them all I had." Alex answered, her voice raising in alarm.  
She sat back in her chair and stared at Mendez then turned to the two way mirror on the wall. She knew the lawyers and cops were stood on the other side of it, watching and hanging onto her every word.  
"Vause, they're more powerful than us. If they give the word, you'll get moved to a tougher prison. A place designed to make you speak."  
"I gave them all I had and I'm serving my sentence. They can't do this."  
"Yes they can. He's been taken in, but they need more evidence to sway the jury." Mendez answered.  
"So you lean hard on cornered inmates rather than force the cops to work harder? Classy."  
"You can be as mad as you want. It is what it is."  
Alex fell silent, she studied Mendez, "if they move me, promise me you'll try to bring me back."  
"You really aint got more on him, have you?"  
"No." Alex answered, her voice shook sadly. Mendez looked away, he hated this part of his job. He lowered his voice and leant in, "They'll try to spook you. Break your spirit, all you can do is be consistent. A hint of weakness and they'll think you're keeping some thing. Okay?"  
Alex nodded.  
"And Vause, keep your eyes peeled. Where you're going, I hear he's got people on the inside."  
Alex studied Mendez, "you can't send me there."  
"I don't have a choice, but I promise I'll push until they transfer you back."  
Alex stared at him, grateful and sad both at once. She never thought he would by an ally.  
"Thanks."  
"You wanna say goodbye to anyone? Chapman?"  
"No." Alex answered. If Kobra had people on the inside, then Alex needed to keep her distance from Piper. She needed to keep Piper safe. She wouldn't risk putting Piper in the way of danger. That wasn't how you treated the people you loved.  
Alex would face this, the same way she had faced the most difficult and impossible times in her life, she would handle this the only way she knew how. She would handle it alone.  
"Then I guess they have to transfer me, because I don't have anything else."  
Mendez nodded, he patted her on the shoulder.  
"I'll make sure they bring you back to the Litch as soon as possible. Just stay strong in there, Vause."  
Alex kept her composure and fought back the nerves dancing through her entire body. She was terrified but she had to hold fast.

Daya knocked on the door, Bennett emerged from within the C.O.'s bubble. He nearly did a double take when he saw her, "what? You nearly forgot I exist?"  
"How're you?"  
"Fine. I don't wanna talk about why you've suddenly started avoiding me. I just wanna know how my baby's doing."  
"Our baby." He corrected. She gave him a look.  
"Our baby? You're the one who's switched on me since I gave birth."  
"You were sleeping with another man...!"  
"And you knew about it."  
Bennett shook his head, "do you have _any_ idea how hard it is for me to not wanna kill him whenever I see him?"  
"That must be hard. Know what's been easy? Giving birth, realising George has been a better man to me and my child than the man I fell in love with has been—"  
"Don't you dare compare scum like him to me."  
"When do I get to see her?"  
"You don't." Bennett said bluntly, Daya stared at him. He let out a frustrated sigh, "Look, I think it's better for both of us, if we end whatever this is...between us. I won't give her up though. I still want to be in her life." Daya fought back tears as she stared at Bennett.  
"I love you and I love her, but this is too hard." Bennett explained.  
"You're pathetic." Daya managed as she fought back tears. Bennett's expression softened the instant he noticed the tears.  
"Please don't cry," he said softly as he reached for her. She pulled away from him.  
"Fuck you, Bennett." She said angrily before turning on her heel and storming off.  
"Daya, wait..." he called. He took in a deep breath then glanced at the inmates watching him. He disappeared into the bubble, slamming the door shut behind him. 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Piper sat at the table and picked at her food, she was joined by Nicky, Red and Amber. Somehow this was now the group. Morello was too pre-occupied with her wedding plans to even remember she had friends, well, sort-of-friends who missed her. And Nicky was happily keeping her distance. Or so it seemed. Piper suspected Nicky's stoic approach to the Morello situation was merely the calm before the storm.  
And as for Alex? Piper stopped herself from even going there. Alex had done the unmentionable, she had simply up and disappeared a few days after Piper's heartfelt confession. She left Piper feeling exposed, pathetic and devastated. The news had crushed her, Mendez refused to fill her in. Nobody knew where Alex was. All they knew was she was no longer in Litchfield.  
Having spent nights staring at the ceiling wondering where she was, why goodbyes were not said—the least she could have done was given Piper a good bye, and what her silence that day meant, Piper had realised that she needed to toughen up. She needed to be less heart and more head. The way Alex had screwed with her head was not okay, to not even say a good bye after Piper laid her cards on the table was absolutely not okay. Most of all, Piper was pissed. She pissed off that Alex just up and left like this. She fucking hated her for it. But it didn't matter, this place was a fishbowl and like all humans, Piper was finding small justifications for moving on and loosening her morals.  
An example of that was the way she had gradually allowed Amber to move in closer over the past few weeks. _No Alex, no problem_, she had told herself. And now she was finally starting to believe it. Nothing of the adult nature had occurred just yet, Piper was easing herself into the idea. Gently opening herself up to the thought of somebody else in that way. It was a strange feeling, one which was both exciting and nerve-wracking.  
But Amber was gentle and patient, things Alex never was. Amber was happy just getting to know Piper, and enjoying the small flirtations of everyday life, such as gently touching Piper's foot with hers under the table as they ate.  
"I'm starting to like Mendez more than Bennett, and I hate it." Nicky grumbled as she chewed a carrot and glanced at the C.O.s as they supervised the inmates' lunch break.  
"Why, what did he do?" Piper asked.  
"The way he's stepping up for Daya and the kid. It's almost sweet." Nicky explained.  
"That man is a monster. He's scum. Don't you forget it." Red said firmly, wagging a strict finger in Nicky's face. Nicky smacked Red's hand aside.  
"It's just an opinion, relax. I'm not marrying the guy."  
"No, marriage is for Morello and her guy." Red quipped. Nicky gave her a look that could kill.  
"What? It's just an opinion." Red remarked, mocking Nicky. Nicky threw her carrot at Red, Red batted it away.  
"Behave." She ordered.  
"I'm gonna take a nap." Piper announced. Amber smiled at her, "mind if I walk you?"  
"Not at all." Piper answered with a small smile. Amber and Piper excused themselves from the table and headed for the doors.  
Red looked from the pair to Nicky, Nicky shrugged.  
"People, fickle as fuck."  
"She's acting out over Vause. We should keep an eye on her."  
"She'll be fine."  
"We'll see." Red answered.  
"Any word on Alex's whereabouts?" Nicky asked.  
"All silent on my end. But I've got my ear to the ground, you'll know when I know."  
"Think we'll ever see her again?"  
"No clue."  
Nicky glanced down at her food.  
"What happens when he lets Morello down again and she comes crawling back?"  
"Whatever you choose to happen, kid." Red replied, the Russian had a way of saying very little but somehow managing to say it all.  
"Real question is, are you and Morello ever going to deal with what happened between you two?"  
"I don't know what you're talkin' about." Nicky muttered defensively, then stood up and walked off.  
"Ai yai, you kids. Tut." She grumbled as she tucked into her own meal, now alone.

Piper and Amber walked shoulder to shoulder down the corridor, Piper could have sworn Amber had gone to hold her hand a few times, but Piper had accidentally pulled her hand away. She was sort of clumsy and oddly coy in situations like this one. She wondered if her nerves were more to do with Alex than Amber. She scolded herself, _don't think about her. She isn't thinking about you. Don't be pathetic._  
Piper stopped by her room and smiled at Amber, "this is where I get off."  
"Is it?" Amber asked with a playful smile, Piper gave her a surprised laugh. She was impressed.  
Amber stepped in closer, Piper felt herself freeze up. Her eyes fluttered shut as she willed herself to be open to how Amber was making her feel. It was the scent of Amber's strawberry shampoo that Piper noticed first, she leant in and seconds later she felt Amber kiss her tentatively. Careful so not to rush or be aggressive with Piper. Amber pulled away after the kiss and studied Piper. Piper felt her cheeks burn as her heart raced. Amber gave her a disarming look, "Next time that happens, you'll initiate it." Amber said softly, then stroked Piper's cheek before walking away.  
Piper was glued to where she stood, processing what had just happened. She felt stuck, unable to go after Amber yet unable to walk away and close her mind to this desire to indulge and be selfish. She deserved a meaningless, sexy fling, didn't she? She fucking hated Alex for leaving her like this.  
Shutting her eyes she ran her hands over her face and headed into her room. She sunk onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling, once again resenting Alex and resenting that somehow all roads still led to her. Even in her absence.  
Piper had gotten over Alex once before, maybe she could do it again.

The buzzer sounded a second time, Alex waited for her door to be opened. Here in Mayfield Penitentiary, she was kept in isolation all day and night, the only human contact she received consisted of exercising with the other inmates every other morning for an hour. Whether it was hazing because she was new, or whether it was because her ex-boss had his people on the inside, Alex would get shoved around and aggressively brushed past during the laps. She was a tough person, she had experienced this sort of thing over and over throughout her life. It didn't phase her too much. What concerned her was what would happen if she wasn't transferred back to Litchfield soon. These things only ever escalated. There was only so much you could push someone around before actually harming them and keeping the fear real. And if her ex-boss was even ten percent of who he was when she ran drugs for him, then she was in real danger.  
Her door reeled open, she stared up at the guest both relief and dread moved through her. It was Mendez, if she was being transferred back to Litchfield already it meant one thing, Kubra, her ex-boss, already had somebody in Litchfield waiting.  
"I'm here to escort you back to the Litch, inmate. Glad to see you're well."  
"This isn't over. You realise I'll be in more danger in Litchfield because nothing happened here?"  
"He's behind bars now, Vause. Without your help. You didn't narc on the guy."  
"He won't know that." Alex said, "he'll come after me."  
"We run a tight shop in Litchfield, Vause. If anyone gets within ten feet of you, I'll see to it personally that they're dealt with. Just keep your head down."  
"Mendez, I'm not fucking around here. I'm serious. Something is off, this is too easy and too quick."  
Mendez nodded, "I hear what you're saying, but here's what I'm trying to say. I can protect you when you're on my turf. We can protect you, Red can keep tabs, we can make sure you're okay. But if you're out here, you're a sitting duck." Mendez sighed, "you gotta choose between the lesser of two shitty situations. It's your call, I can walk away and never look back. Say the word."  
Alex fell silent for a beat, considering her options. She could stay here and face the music, or she could head back to Litchfield where she was promised to be safer, but it meant risking Piper and any of the other inmates who had gotten close to her this past six months. She thought about Nicky and Red. It would be good to see them again, it would be good to see them all again, but at what cost? Staying in this prison for the rest of her sentence seemed awfully appealing right now, she could swing it as a lone wolf. She could watch her own back... or she could return to Litchfield where it was safer, but the stakes were higher. She glanced at Mendez as she reached her decision. 


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty One

Alex was marched back into Litchfield, she eyed the inmates cautiously. They gave warm smiles and animated greetings, the warmest of them were Poussey and Taystee. Alex smiled tightly, she was too tightly wound trying to spot any new faces she didn't recognise.  
"Well if it isn't my least favourite lesbian." Pennsatucky's familiar southern drawl announced.  
"I'm honoured. Really." Alex retorted, Pennsatucky smirked before walking away. Alex watched her go then turned back to the others.  
"It's been boring without you. Chapman hasn't caused a scene in weeks!" Bursette quipped, Boo laughed hard at the joke.  
_Speaking of Piper_, Alex noted. She knew to keep her distance but at the same time she needed to see her. Piper manning up and saying what she said was a big deal. Their whirlwind affair before prison was filled with passion, lust, joy and contentment, the declarations never needed to occur. It was simply assumed, well, at least it was assumed for Alex.  
Piper had only really fallen for Alex after the chapel, and it took Piper longer to realise this than it had taken Alex. However, Alex prided herself on giving credit where it was due, Piper had declared her love for Alex twice now, she had ruined her life twice over Alex too. Alex couldn't leave Piper in such a vulnerable position. It was cruel. She would explain how she felt about Piper then tell her she had to keep her distance for a while and would fill her in when it was safe to.  
It couldn't be that hard to do, could it? She mustered her courage and headed in search of Piper.

Having gotten used to thinking about Alex less and less each day, Piper had opened her mind to moving on. Piper and Amber were sat on her bed as the talked, they had spent the past three days just getting to know each other. And in all honesty, Piper was genuinely enjoying it. She laughed as she told Amber the rest of the joke, "And he says, 'He's not an eggplant, he's retarded!'"  
Amber laughed, and Piper found her eyes drifting to Amber's lips. It was a strange curiosity she couldn't quite peg, whenever she would muster some courage she would chicken out at the last second. But today, she would do it. Amber was mid-laugh when Piper leant in and kissed her softly. It was just a peck on the lips, but it spoke volumes.  
As the two pulled apart, Amber glanced at the person by the door, her eyes widened.  
"Alex?!" Amber said with excitement, Alex forced a smile at Amber who embraced her, "welcome back, it's so good to see you."  
Piper stared at Alex, _shshshit!  
_Alex smiled tightly at Piper who held her gaze. For Piper it was as if it was all happening in slow motion, she could _see_ the change in Alex occur. The smooth shift from love to hate. Alex gave Piper a shrug, "Just thought I'd say 'hi'. So... hi."  
With that, Alex walked out of the room, Piper felt an intense restlessness flood her system, "Alex wait...!"  
Piper walked quickly behind Alex, leaving Amber in her room alone.  
"Just forget it, Piper." Alex said, but Piper persisted, "Leave me alone."  
"I didn't know you were back!" Piper tried, "You didn't even say good bye, after _everything_ I said— you didn't even _tell_ me you were leaving!"  
"Don't switch this on me." Alex said, walking faster now until they were in the laundry room alone.  
"I'm not switching anything! I told you I loved you, that's _twice_ now and you just bailed on me."  
"Sucks doesn't it?" Alex said pointedly. Piper paused, processing the meaning behind Alex's words. That was a low blow.  
"Look, Piper...I need you to stay away from me for a while."  
Piper stared at Alex, "fuck you."  
"Been there, done that, got the whiplash." Alex said as she folded her arms.  
"Woah...I've never realised what a _bitch_ you are. Fine, Alex. But when you calm down and realise you're blowing this way out of proportion, come and find me."  
"You told her a joke and before she even finished laughing, you shoved your tongue down her throat—weeks after declaring your undying love me. My reaction seems pretty calm now that I think about it. _Fuck off Pipes_." Alex concluded.  
"That's it?" Piper asked, "Just like that...just like that I'm on the outside with everyone else?"  
Alex didn't answer.  
Piper nodded, her eyes stung with tears as she clenched her jaw, "you always seem to forget how much bullshit you put me through." Piper seethed, it was as though she was seeing Alex in a new light. She brushed past the tall brunette and muttered, "Fuckin' coward."  
"What?" Alex asked.  
"I said you're a _fucking_ _coward_." Piper emphasised the last two words best she could, just to make sure they weren't unclear. It was time Alex knew Piper saw through her commitophobic crap.  
"I'm the coward? You're so co-dependant it's toxic and _I'm _the coward? You couldn't stand the idea of being alone and jumped ship from me to Larry, then back to me, and now you're kissing Amber."  
Piper's expression softened at the hurt that accidentally escaped Alex's voice, "Just...get lost Piper."  
"Alex, we need to stop fighting all the time." She said in a soft, defeated, voice, "We can't keep crossing wires like this."  
Alex nodded, Piper was absolutely right. Besides it was safer for Piper this way.  
"You're right. Stay away from me, I'm good at being alone."  
"No, no...Alex—" Piper tried to get her attention as she stalked toward the doors, "That's not what I meant—" It was no use, Alex wasn't prepared to listen. Without looking back, Alex walked out of the laundry room.  
Alone and torn, Piper slumped onto a tumble dryer and glanced around at the room. Perhaps it was from the constant wear and tear with Alex, and the overwhelming lack of warmth Litchfield offered, but Piper felt her heart break. It wasn't a loud, dramatic occurrence. It was the most quiet sob she had ever let slip, it was also the most painful and crippling anguish she had ever felt. She did her best to fight back tears but it was no use, they simply bubbled over and rolled down her cheeks. How could something that was so strong be so easily turned into something so fragile? It was horrible.

"Hey specs," Suzanne's voice pulled Alex out of her infuriated haze, "welcome back."  
"Thanks."  
Suzanne studied Alex, "is it Chapman?"  
"Am I that predictable?" Alex groaned as she walked into Suzanne's room.  
"It's always Chapman."  
Alex glanced around at Suzanne's room, it was clean. Too clean.  
"You preparing for room checks in advance?"  
"I like to keep on top of things." Suzanne said then gave Alex a mischievous smile.  
Alex narrowed her eyes at Suzanne, her pupils were dilated. She was on some thing.  
"You feeling okay?" Alex asked.  
"Over the moon. _I am over the moon_!" She announced with so much enthusiasm that it turned heads. Alex hushed her and gave her a hard stare. Suzanne squirmed beneath her gaze.  
"What're you on?"  
"I don't know... she gave it me to keep my lips..." she made the gesture of zipping her lips.  
"Who did?"  
"I am afraid I am not allowed to say. Want some?"  
Suzanne walked over to her shoes at the foot of her bed and reached into a shoe and pulled out a syringe.  
Alex stared at Suzanne. Somebody had given Suzanne heroin?!  
She pulled out the small packet from her other shoe, Alex stared at it. It was marked with Kobra's insignia of a K with a snake wrapped around it.  
"She showed me how to take it. It's... amazing. You'll forget all about everything." She said animatedly with her voice quiet and her eyes wide. She was giddy like a child.  
"I mean..._everything_, Specs."  
Alex felt a knot in her stomach, Kobra was paying somebody off in Litchfield, hence the drugs. And they had palmed them off to Suzanne. She needed to find the dealer. Suzanne was an easy target for a junkie. People rarely took her seriously, and she was good at keeping her word. Alex suddenly stood up as she realised who else might have been tempted into doing heroin again. She had to check on Nicky. 


	22. Chapter 22

Author's note: Loving the reviews, thanks for taking the time to write them and the predictions are fun to read but before I say any more... all shall be revealed soon...

Chapter Twenty-Two

Piper knocked on the wall, Amber glanced up at the uninvited guest. She let out a sigh then turned back to the book she was reading. Piper strolled in, doing her best to seem completely normal. From the look Amber gave her, her attempt at normality was _not_ working.  
"What's up?"  
"Nothing. Just reading." Amber replied as she turned back to her book.  
"I've said sorry so many times since going to prison that the word seems to have lost its meaning, you know?" Piper said dryly.  
"Says a lot." Amber said, Piper frowned at the woman. She didn't have a cutting tone, she had uttered the words with such a casual air that it threw Piper.  
"What does that mean?" Piper asked, not liking where this was headed.  
"Just that... you've probably hurt a lot of people. Unwittingly." She added quickly as Piper winced.  
"That's not true, the only people I've hurt, are Crazy Eyes and Alex...mostly Alex. But she hurt me too. But that's a whole different level of history I'm not ready to go into."  
"It's only called history if it's over." Amber answered as she stood up. Piper tilted her head.  
"Where're you going?"  
"Outside."  
"Why?"  
"To read." Amber said. Piper flinched but nodded slowly.  
"Okay. Sorry..."  
Amber paused by the exit, "For?"  
"For kissing you and then...disappearing."  
"Wrong answer." Amber said, once again using that effortlessly sincere tone. Piper watched her walk away. She sighed, how did she manage to mess up everything she went near?  
She sat on the edge of Amber's bed and glanced at the books on Amber's bedside. She frowned at a book, she recognised the weathered cover. She could have sworn Alex had the exact book. She picked it up and flicked through the pages, it _was _Alex's.  
A note slipped out from between the pages, Piper unfolded it.  
_'Showers. Five minutes. A'  
_Piper felt a combination of nausea, anger and alarm as she folded the clearly private note and put it back inside the book. She marched out of the room and headed straight for the showers.  
She heard the water running as she entered the steam filled room. She approached the shower curtain, somebody was inside humming as they showered. Piper whipped the curtain aside to find a very naked Nicky who whipped it back into place.  
"Fuckin' A, Chapman!" She cried. Piper's eyes widened with embarrassment and regret.  
"I...am _so_ sorry. So sorry..." She repeated as she backed away, feeling like an idiot. The note must have been between Alex and Amber from when they were in the other prison. Not that it mattered. She hurried out of the shower, angry at herself. A familiar sensation of defeat began seeping through her.  
She remembered what Alex had called her, _co-dependant_. Piper clenched her jaw, she needed to toughen up. She'd rather die than prove Alex right. _Fuck Alex._ She told herself, she was fine. She could be fine. She just needed to distract herself and somehow switch off the festival of negative emotions swirling through her mind. With enough practice, you could get used to anything.

Alex searched Nicky's room for any sign of the heroin. She turned over furniture and turned her clothes inside out. But she came up with nothing. Her eyes landed on Nicky's socks, she turned them inside out. Again, she came up clean. Alex nodded slowly, somewhat relieved not to have found anything.  
"Fuck's sake, not you too." Nicky's voice greeted Alex from behind. Alex turned around and put down Nicky's socks. Nicky narrowed her eyes at Alex.  
"This a coup?"  
"What?"  
Nicky nodded her head in the direction of the other bedrooms, "I just had Chapman do a random check on my goods in the shower."  
Alex frowned, "what?"  
Nicky shrugged, "She seemed confused. Either she was looking for someone else or I should be very offended."  
Alex stared at Nicky. It wasn't like Piper to do that sort of thing, but that wasn't Alex's business. Her business involved substances.  
"I need you to be straight with me."  
"No can do, I prefer women."  
"Not what I mean."  
"Then we don't have a problem. What'dya wanna know?" Nicky asked, wiggling an eyebrow at Alex.  
Alex braced herself, "Don't be offended but I have to ask. Have you been using again?"  
Nicky scowled at Alex, for the first time any hint of humour vanished from her face as she stared at Alex.  
"Are you shittin' me? Get out." Nicky scoffed, Alex raised her hands in surrender.  
"I had to ask."  
"Just get outta here Vause. That's uncool. Am I using again? Jesus." Nicky muttered, making no secret of her annoyance.  
Alex kept her head down and walked out of the room, her mind began thinking like clockwork, _who's deranged enough to supply Suzanne but not supply Nicky?_ Maybe the person on Cobra's payroll didn't know the inmates very well? The guards, the cleaners, and any new comers. She paused, could Amber be the insider?  
Amber was sincere and sweet, and frankly too easy on the eyes for Alex to think ill of her. If Amber had more sinister intentions than getting laid, Alex would have noticed by now.

Pennsatucky guffawed as her and her groupies strolled through the living quarters. She made it a point to shove past Piper as Piper headed back to Amber's room. She felt a slight pang of dismay toward herself for seeking out Amber's room. She headed over to the bed again and sat on it. Her eyes drifted to Alex's book. The thought of somebody else sharing the sexy and giddy excitement of secretive rendezvous with her ex filled her with misery.  
As her fingers skimmed the spines of Amber's various books, Piper began to bitterly wonder if Amber merely collected books from whoever she hooked up with. Piper scolded herself for being petty, then she smirked. There was no point hiding it. If she felt petty, then she'd be petty. This wasn't high society where well behaved women were applauded. This was mother fuckin' prison. Piper glanced around sheepishly. Nobody was around.  
As something came over her she began pulling the books off the bedside, and letting them hit the floor with a _thud_, with each _thud,_ Piper felt a childish amusement. She then smacked the remaining books off the bedside, sending them hurtling across the room.  
A book fell to the ground and made a clunking sound. Piper frowned at the book, she picked it up. It was one of those mandatory copies of the bible that were given to inmates upon entering prison. Piper shook the book, it made the strange sound again.  
Casting a wary glance at her surroundings, Piper opened the book and stared at its contents. It had been hollowed out, and contained a syringe and a small packet. Piper gaped down at what she had found.  
During her time with Alex, she had witnessed enough people taking heroin to know exactly how to shoot up. She sat up, her eyes doing a scan of the large room. Nobody was in sight. She lowered herself to the ground and pulled the packet out of the book, then took a spoon and filled it with water, she returned to the syringe and completed preparing the concoction that was both dizzying and deadly. Then Piper proceeded to do one of the stupidest things she had ever done. She injected herself with heroin.  
_Fuck... wait...did I do this right? What if I die?_ _What if I made a dumb mistake and I..._ within seconds she felt weightless, like a helium particle bobbing around. She lay back on the ground and stared up at the ceiling. A weak chuckle escaped her lips, surprising her. It was followed with an eruption of laughter, but was it her own? The colours around her began to melt into each other and sounds lost their structure. 


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty Three

The darkness was serene, heavy and merry. Piper felt as if she were on a boat just drifting merrily along. Her eyes were closed, making the world disappear. She felt the high wear off as she slowly began drifting back into her sense. A muffled voice called her name. She frowned, it was fucking up her happy place. It called her again, bringing the cold, hard floor she was sat on into stark focus. She discovered her own hands were planted against the wooden floor. She must have been in the chapel. She blinked a few times, trying to open her eyes, but the light stung her mind. She flinched and shut her eyes again. She was thirsty, her arm itched and her head was thumping.  
"_Piper?_" The voice came again, but this time with clarity. It was Alex. Piper felt a sense of relief to see her.  
"Alex?" She managed groggily. Alex was crouched opposite her, cupping Piper's face in concern.  
"Are you alright?"  
"yeah, Yeah...I'm f-..." Piper sat up, parched with thirst. She glanced around at the chapel. She barely recalled how she ended up here. She batted Alex's hand away from her face, "I'm fine." She managed. She gently scratched her arm, then ran her hand over the needle mark. Her eyes shot to Alex's, she quickly rolled down her sleeve.  
Alex froze, tilting her head at Piper.  
"What did you do? Did you take something?"  
"What do you care?" Piper grumbled as she clutched her aching head. Alex gripped Piper's arm and examined it, while placing a hand on Piper's forehead to check for a fever. Piper watched Alex's expression shift from concern to anger and disappointment as she spotted the needle mark.  
"Piper, _what the hell_?"  
"Don't do that. Don't judge me. Just...urg, my head is killing."  
"Dehydration." Alex said, "Did Amber do this?"  
Piper scoffed at Alex, "No, Alex, actually I made an adult decision and did it myself."  
"Bravo." Alex said sarcastically, she wondered if Piper could hear how stupid she sounded.  
"Where did you get them?"  
"I found them." Piper shot back.  
Alex groaned, "you injected drugs that you _found_!? Jesus Christ, Pipes._"  
_Piper studied Alex, "why are you so bothered all of a sudden?" she asked begrudgingly.  
"Because I love you." Alex said, as if it was _the_ most casual thing in the world. Piper opened her mouth to speak but the words didn't come out.  
"Look, I need you to tell me where you found them—Something's going on. And it's bigger than you and me." Alex explained.  
"I found them in Amber's room when I was-" Before Piper could finish, Alex was on her feet, she looked furious.  
"I'm gonna kill her." Alex declared as she stormed off.  
Piper groaned, her head was spinning too fast for her to process what was going on. She caught up with Alex and grabbed her arm.  
"No, you're not. I made a choice to use them."  
"Yeah Piper. You made a bad choice. One of the stupidest choices you have ever made. Well done. I applaud you." Alex stepped toward her, driving the point home with her hard stare, "you could be lying dead in your own vomit right now. _That's_ the risk you took."  
Piper took in Alex's expression, her usual hard stare was softer, her eyes moist. She was genuinely concerned and angry at Piper.  
Despite Alex's short burst of actual human emotion, Piper couldn't help but stare at her in disdain, "right Alex. I found some heroin and I used it. Don't act all high and mighty, when you and your kind showed me how. Besides, you're pretty familiar with heroin too, aren't you?"  
Alex clenched her jaw and took the hit on the chin. She got Piper's point.  
"I'm an adult. I am _not_ as needy as you think. I am _not_ as pathetic as you've decided." Piper seethed, the frustrations she had kept to herself were finally spilling over as she stared Alex down and stepped toward her. "You do _not_ get to pick me up then put me down when it suits you like I'm some toy on a _freakin'_ shelf."  
"That's what this is about?"  
"No, Alex. This...? The drugs? It's about _me_ and how much freakin' pain you put _me_ through over and over and over again. And how much I hate this place because it's _killing_ me. I wanna be anywhere but here. Do you understand? I wish none of it happened. I wish the last fifteen years of my life never happened. I wish I never met Larry. I wish I never freakin' met _you_."  
Alex nodded, she had fallen silent. She adjusted her glasses and cleared her throat.  
"Do what you want Piper. Just be careful. I won't bother you again. I promise." Piper watched Alex leave the chapel. She slumped back onto the floor.

Alex fought back tears as she stalked through the hallway, she brushed past Nicky.  
"Vause?" Nicky asked, noticing the normally stoic brunette's distress. Nicky followed her, "oi, what's going on?"  
Alex headed into the showers, she stood at the sink and planted both hands on the counter. Nicky entered, placing a tentative hand on her back.  
"Hey..."  
Alex felt tears spill down her cheeks as her emotions bubbled over. Nicky pulled her into an embrace.  
"C'mon, Vause. Quit going soft on me here." Nicky said, doing her best to comfort Alex.  
"Why does everything I touch turn to _shit_?" Alex asked, she sniffled and adjusted her glasses. Nicky studied her, she tried not to watch Alex too much. She knew Alex would feel self-conscious, instead Nicky put an arm around her shoulder and gave it a squeeze, then nodded at their reflections in the mirror.  
"It could be worse, we could both end up in prison...oh wait." Nicky quipped, she scored a small smile off of Alex. Alex rested her head against Nicky's for a moment.  
"So, what's the deal with the heroin? I found a batch hidden in the chapel last night." Nicky revealed. Alex straightened, she didn't need to ask Nicky if Nicky used it. If she had, Alex would be the last person she would be telling.  
"The guy I worked for, Cobra?"  
"They're never called Jonathan are they? It's always Cobra, or Frankie, or Big Ed, Killer Dave..."  
Alex smiled sadly at Nicky's attempt at lightening the situation with her often accurate and odd observations.  
"They wanted me to testify against him, provide them with more inside info. I didn't have any more, so I refused. They sent me to another prison, a tougher one, to break me. But it was nothing I couldn't handle."  
"Shit.."  
"Mendez stepped up for me, he had me transferred back here. But Cobra's got someone on the inside here. I don't know what they're waiting for, but he's paying them and his people are supplying them with heroin."  
"Fuckin' A."  
"Yeah. I've got a giant target on my back Nicky.."  
"Ex marks the spot, eh?"  
"I'm serious. And whoever the insider decides is close to me, is a goner."  
"That why you fucked things up with Chapman?"  
Alex gave her a look. Nicky's eyes widened in genuine alarm.  
"Wait a minute, that was all just _unintentional_?! Jesus. You two are batshit crazy."  
"She told me she loved me and I told her to keep her distance. Nicky, she's started using."  
Nicky's face grew serious, "Chapman?"  
"Yeah. And I can't look out for her. I need you to do me a favour."  
"Quit talkin' like you're dead. This person Venom has on the inside-"  
"Cobra-"  
"Whatever, this person that worm has on the inside, doesn't know what they're dealing with. I've got your back Vause."  
Alex nodded, "Nicky, keep an eye on Piper. Please."  
"She hates you right now."  
"And I love her." Alex shrugged, "Promise me you'll look out for her?"  
Nicky nodded slowly, "A drug importer and an ex addict walk into a bathroom...I'm waiting for the punchline."  
An overwhelmed sob escaped from Alex's lips. Nicky pulled her into a silent embrace, patting her back comfortingly. Nicky felt a pang of despair as she held Alex, whose body rocked with silent sobs.  
"It's gonna be alright. I promise... It might get better, hell it might even get worse, but Alex...Chapman loves you. And I care about you a lot. You have friends in the Litch, and we've got your back. You just need to let me in. Tell me what's been going on..."  
Alex nodded as she pulled out of the embrace and wiped her tears.  
"C'mon..." Nicky took Alex by the hand and led her out the bathroom.  
"Where're we going?"  
"To Red." Nicky said.  
Piper was returning to her room when she saw Nicky leading Alex out of the bathroom by the hand and disappear into the kitchen. _  
_Some thing was up. Piper headed to the kitchen too.

As Piper entered the kitchen, she could hear Red's voice.  
"You mean to tell me somebody is hooking my girls up to heroin?"  
"We can't make it obvious, whoever it is, we need to set them up. Get a C.O. to catch them red handed." Nicky was saying, Piper cleared her throat. Red, Nicky and Alex turned to see Piper.  
"What's going on? I wanna help."  
"No, no, kid. You comin' with me..." Red ordered, she took Piper by the wrist and grabbed two water bottles and a bag of food and led her out of the kitchen.  
"What? Where're we going?"  
"Stay quiet." Red said in that familiar voice that meant you'd be dead if you questioned her.  
She led Piper to the bread cupboard and pushed her inside, she handed Piper the bottles and the food.  
"I'm gonna get you clean. Tough love, Chapman. I'll return for you when it's time."  
Piper's jaw hung open in part shock, but mostly in terror as Red swung the door shut.  
"I _am_ clean!" Piper declared as she hit the door. She tried the handle, Red had locked it.  
"Red?! Red?! Don't you dare leave me in here...!" There was nothing but silence on the other side, "..Red?" Piper called in defeat. She lowered herself to the floor and looked at the darkness. The word effortlessly described everything running through her mind as she let it slip out, "Fuck." 


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-four

Amber entered her room, then jumped when she saw the intruders. Alex, Red and Nicky were stood in her room.  
"You shouldn't do drugs." Red explained with a one sided shrug in response to Amber's confusion. Then Red pinned Amber against the wall.  
"Search her room." Red ordered Alex and Nicky. Nicky rifled through Amber's clothes, she picked up a piece of lingerie.  
"Kinky." Nicky quipped with a raised eyebrow. Amber shot daggers from her eyes at the crazy haired blonde.  
"Alex, what the hell is this?" Amber demanded as she struggled hopelessly against Red, Red was short, stocky and freaking strong.  
"Somebody's running drugs through the Litch. I need to find out who."  
"I don't run them...I just use now and then!" Amber said, Red shoved Amber against the wall. Amber glared at the woman, "search all you want, you won't find any more, because that was all I had... the stash Pipes stole from me."  
"Don't call her Pipes." Alex said possessively. Amber stared at Alex, "Alex, you know me. I don't push drugs..."  
Nicky checked beneath the mattress, Alex helped her pull the mattress off the metal frame. There was nothing there.  
"See?" Amber said in defeat, "There's nothing here. Now _get_ out."  
Red shook her head, "Nu-uh, kid. Not until you tell us who supplied you the drugs."  
Amber whispered under her breath, "shit...!"  
"C'mon... Or I'll have a C.O. on your case within minutes." Red threatened. Amber slumped against the wall and lowered herself to the floor, her distressed expression made it hard for Alex to look at her.  
"I don't know. When I'm finished I leave the bible by the doorway with a bag of my commissary goods. And the next day, the bible's there with the drugs inside."  
Alex stared at Nicky, Nicky let out an incredulous laugh.  
"No fuckin' way."  
"Pennsatucky 's going down." Alex declared as she stormed out of the room. Nicky hurried after her, leaving Red and Amber in Amber's overturned room. Amber crouched and began picking up her strewn belongings. Red took a long look at the state Alex and Nicky had left Amber's room in then she looked at how distraught Amber was.  
"You be good now." Red instructed to the newbie then she left Amber's room, following the sound of alarmed cries and blasphemy.  
"I hate this place..." Amber whispered sadly as she picked up her damaged books.

Pennsatucky flew face down across the dinner table and crashed onto the ground. Sending dishes and food clattering as she went. Alex stalked towards her, ready to unleash yet another storm of fury on her .  
"Vause, cool it!" Nicky warned as she grabbed Alex's arm. Alex shrugged Nicky off and grabbed Pennsatucky by her hoodie and lifted her up off the floor. Pennsatucky flinched.  
"Oh looord! Save me from this lesbian abomination!"  
"How long have you been running drugs for Cobra in Litchfield?" Alex asked in a quiet but furious voice, she slammed Pennsatucky into the wall. The inmates had gathered to watch the altercation.  
"mmhmm, bambino," Diaz piped up from amongst the crowd, "this is getting hard to watch..."  
"We all knew she had it coming..." Boo answered in Alex's defence.  
Suzanne watched Alex punch Pennsatucky hard in the gut, it distressed Suzanne. It was an unfair fight.  
"Violence isn't the proper way to do things..." Suzanne began to mumble in repetition, she rocked back and forth as she watched the two women fight. She toyed with her hair, doing her best to suppress her excitement at a fight breaking out. Few things made her feel more giddy than the expression of true emotion.  
Even if that true emotion happened to be anger.  
"I don't know what you're talking about!" Pennsatucky said, raising both her skinny arms over her head to protect herself as she lowered herself to the ground into a ball.  
"Just leave me be, she-devil!"  
Watson emerged from the crowd, she looked from Poussey to Taystee, both of whom just watched on in an engrossed horror.  
"What's going on?" She saw Vause towering over Pennsatucky.  
"Leave her be, yo! Chapman already pummelled her skinny ass months ago." Watson said, Alex glanced at Watson then turned back to Pennsatucky. Pennsatucky peered up in terror at Alex from between her skinny arms.  
"Please..." Pennsatucky managed, "just leave me be..."  
Alex stared down at Pennsatucky as she realised the ugliness of what she was doing. She backed away from the curled up inmate and mumbled a self-conscious apology, then hurried out of the room.  
Pennsatucky slowly stood up, she gave Watson a grateful nod. Watson approached her, and helped the sore and bruised inmate dust off her jacket.  
"You're welcome. Just don't be causing shit now, we all jus tryina get by best we can."  
Pennsatucky nodded. Taystee stepped forward, "you alright?"  
Pennsatucky reluctantly nodded at the inmate she rarely even acknowledged let alone spoke to.  
"Alex aint usually like that, so I advise whatever shit you pulling, you stop."  
"Listen to her if I were you, Pennsatucky.." Poussey said, nodding at Taystee. Taystee high fived Poussey.  
Pennsatucky stared at the crowd, "want a drink?" Diaz asked. Pennsatucky nodded reluctantly, "follow me." Pennsatucky's eyes locked with the inmates she once called her own. They were all huddled far away, they hadn't even tried to defend her. Who had come to her rescue just now? Who had been so gracious? These ... women. And ofcourse, Pennsatucky noted, _the lord_.

The door to the storage room was unlocked, it reeled open, creaking as it went. A widening shaft of light poured over Piper, who squinted and rubbed her eyes. Red was stood in the doorway. Piper looked at Red, Red put out her hand.  
"Get up."  
Piper followed the instructions instantly, she feared and respected Red, she just didn't know which one she did more. Red helped pull her to her feet and patted her on the back as she marched Piper out into the corridor.  
"Do drugs again, and I'll do something worse to you." Piper nodded, her eyes wide and nerves on edge. She felt Red pat her back again, "I like you Chapman, but you're a fuckin' idiot."

Pennsatucky entered Alex's room, "hey remember when we used to be roomies?"  
"Good times." Alex remarked dryly.  
Pennsatucky leant against the wall, with her hands shoved deep into her hoodie pockets. She studied Alex.  
"I been thinkin'..." This made Alex look at her, "I don't know who Cobra is, but I can give you the name of the guy supplying me... it's only been a month or so."  
Alex paused, "I'm listening."  
"It's Bennett."  
Alex stared at her, "no..." she scoffed, "Pennsatucky-this isn't a fuckin' joke."  
"No. I know it's not. I _know_. He gives me the drugs, and I got a guy on the outside who pays him on the side. He'll know about your Cobra guy..."  
"So you haven't been paid to try to kill me?"  
"God no. You think someone would have to pay me for me to try to do that?"  
Alex laughed at Pennsatucky's very odd sense of humour. Pennsatucky managed a small smile.  
"I'll go with you, prove it's him if you like..."  
"Sounds like a plan." Alex answered, she noticed Pennsatucky lingering awkwardly in the doorway.  
"I know this means we're like ... not friends, but the other thing..."  
"Acquaintances."  
"Yeah, Aquarius's, but like it's important that as a God obeying woman I tell you that being gay is still wrong. I mean, it's _your_ business. But it's wrong. It's wrong business."  
"Doesn't your book say 'thou shall not judge'?"  
"I aint read that part..." Pennsatucky replied defensively. Alex exhaled slowly.  
"Alex... I don't wanna get in trouble... you know?"  
Alex studied Pennsatucky, the woman had a petit build and an air of fragility despite her irritating personality and offensive beliefs.  
"Then we'll figure out a way to confront Bennett, that doesn't set you up."  
"Bless you," Pennsatucky said.  
"Don't you mean 'thank you'?"  
"Naw, trust me when I say you need blessings right now, or the good lord won't be in your favour."  
Alex cracked a bemused smile at Pennsatucky. Pennsatucky jumped and scowled at somebody just beyond the doorway.  
"What happened to your face?" Piper's voice asked with a hint of disgust.  
"What happened to yours?" Pennsatucky demanded with her hands on her hips.  
"I'll see you later, Aquarius."  
"Acquaintance." Alex corrected.  
"Potato tomato, same thing." Pennsatucky said with a shrug as she left. Piper looked at Alex, "I have a million questions..." Piper began then trailed off as she tried to think of the words, her expression was incredulous and exhausted. Alex raised a hand.  
"Could you just not right now...?" Alex sighed, Piper studied the dejected inmate. Alex was troubled by whatever was going on with Cobra.  
"I never thought about how much damage I caused to peoples' lives before." Alex said softly. Piper strolled over to her bed and sat against the wall beside her. Her shoulder rubbed against Alex's.  
"Being in here, realising it would've been people like Nicky, Amber, you and..." she scoffed, "even Pennsatucky... it's just sunk in. How much pain I've caused in the world."  
Piper pressed her head on Alex's shoulder, Alex felt Piper slide her fingers through Alex's own and squeeze her hand.  
"You're trying to make amends though."  
"No. I'm only here because I got caught. Not because I'm some fallen saint seeking redemption."  
Piper lifted her head and stared ahead, "why are you so hellbent on insisting you're a jackass?"  
"Because I am one. And I'm selfish. "  
Piper smiled sadly and stood up, pulling hand away from Alex's.  
"Look around you Alex. Look at where life brought you... maybe it's time you turned it around." Piper headed for the doorway, Alex frowned.  
"Where're you going?"  
"I just remembered how mad I am at you. Jackass." With that she walked out. Alex scoffed an exhausted laugh. It felt like they were running in circles. It felt like that was all they ever really did. Walk away from each other, just to return at a later date. 


End file.
